If you’ve got a kid who does this, you’ve got a nice kid. Be proud of them.
Well said.
Do people share this sort of thing? I don’t see why it would be anyone’s business. How people pay for college is no one’s business. Family finances are no one’s business. Plenty of interesting topics to talk about that are not about people’s private matters. I was always taught its rude to talk about money, with anyone other then family.
It’s not ALL a about parental wealth, ucb. And you even acknowelge that fact when you use the term, “often.”
btw: Don’t forget, the OP mentioned nurses as colleagues, so I assume nursing school loans are the issue. (And nursing school merit money, if any, may be different than other undergrad school financing. Perhaps the OP’s kid aced HS and earned a merit scholly to the professional school?)
@thumper1 @austinmshauri I agree.
on a personal note, I don’t think secrecy around money is a good thing. Keeps the wage gaps alive and well. I have no idea what my one child without loans says when the topic comes up. I hope she doesn’t feel like it’s something that must be hidden.
@jon234 Agree, we need more compassionate people and more people who worry less about what they have versus other people.
I would think student loans are a normal topic of conversation among middle class recent college graduates. Like a mortgage, rent, or a car payment, it naturally comes up in conversation.
Presumably, you mean those from real middle class families (within the bottom ~80-96% parental money) rather than the forum “middle class”, right?
This is probably why people don’t discuss finances with outsiders.
Students that graduate college without student debt are very fortunate.
Nowadays, only 30% of college students graduate without student loans.
@maya54 - it’s good you didn’t say that, because college loans do not automatically equate to parents not “ living above their means” and therefore not saving enough. The truth is you don’t know other folk’s circumstances unless they tell you.
I have always found certain subjects are best left alone (at least when you do not know the people with whom you are talking well. Money, sex, religion and politics generally speaking fall into that category. Very personal subjects that can cause issues when discussing them with people you don’t know well. Maybe you have no student loan debt and the kid with $30k will feel bad about that. But what about the kid with more student loan debt? Or the kid who graduated with no loans and $50k in the bank?
That being said, I think the younger generation is more likely to share this type of info because grew up sharing much more than older generations did because of social media. The number of people who know anything about my financials is very small (my parents and siblings know next to nothing). Few people I know talk about such things amongst each other. Though I know a few people who seem to always bring up money when they talk with just about anyone. They know how much everyone in their circle paid for this addition on their house, that vacation, kids tuition, etc. Always seemed odd to me but its how they like it apparently.
I told my kids when they were in middle school that technology was great. Allowed them to do a lot of cool things. But a lot of negatives with that as well and you have to take both the good and the bad. If you are constantly sharing details of your life with a large number of people, you are likely to run into circumstances in which people are offended, put off, jealous, etc.
@Leigh22 I do know my partners circumstances including how much he makes vs the cost of his home ( he lives in my town…his kids are friends with mine) and the cars he drives and the vacations he takes. Even his family situation since we are all pretty close. Would I say it anyway,no. But in this case I do know.
@austinmshauri you do discuss your finances with a tax/ estate planning attorney which is what he was. He was suggesting putting money even then into 529 so it could grow tax free for the next year.
Why does this thread remind me of the other thread discussing the tragedy of having to hide the fact that you/your kid goes to Harvard? Why in the world is either of these situations an issue? If you go to Harvard, you go to Harvard. If you don’t have loans, you don’t have loans. These are facts that have nothing to do with sparing anyone’s feelings. This one, in particular, is not even a proper topic of discussion and is easy to sidestep if that’s how you want to handle it. These topics might be hard to avoid, but they are not hard to navigate. Perhaps I should start a thread asking fellow CCers how to avoid that awkward moment when I’m forced to reveal that no one at our son’s “NY college” graduates with any debt and has a guaranteed job.
Let’s get over ourselves (once again).
Regarding talk about money, it could be that if one’s financial achievements were built starting with more parental money than others, that can be the kind of “privilege baggage” that this thread is about. But if one has much greater self-made financial achievements starting from a similar or lower level of parental money, others may see it as criticism of their own financial choices.
So talk about money is often boxed into limited topics that do not go into one’s overall financial situation. E.g. “what is the best deal for ____?” or “which workplace benefits options are better?”.
It is great that some families live below their means and can pay for their children to graduate debt free from college. It is also true that we are not privy to the financial details of other families. Life is full of hidden expenses such as medical bills, care for elderly parents, etc.
I also agree that keeping finances on the down low has allowed wage gaps to go unchallenged. School debt and unequal access to higher education is also a matter of public policy. All of us GenX and boomer parents need to understand that college debt is a huge hindrance for many young adults. Of course they can talk about it and shouldn’t be shamed because their parents didn’t save up enough.
I work in a field side by side with many young graduates and we don’t make much money comparable to our level of education. I will say that the topic of loans comes up frequently - many times a week - in different conversations. There is a lot of generational resentment (“You went to school when loans were more reasonable or not necessary”) and they do know that my DD will graduate debt free is not much younger than they are. They know because they all questioned why she would go to her school over the much higher ranked schools she was accepted into and I explained the perks, which also included the COA. These coworkers are all struggling to make ends meet and most have a side hustle or full second job. Our job is more than 40 hours a week and I don’t know how they are surviving.
Seeing these young college educated colleagues struggle so much with even small (relative) loans had a lot to do with our college search process. In addition to the young adults (22-28 or so) I am working with people who are 12-15 years out who are highly educated and employed in their field and are still struggling to make ends meet because of their school loans. They are NOT saving or saving very little (<$50 a pay) for their own grade school aged children or for their retirement beyond our mandatory deduction. They just don’t have the money. The young ones are not marrying and none of them are buying houses. These are young adults in their full time jobs in their chosen career. They all talk about their loans. It consumes their life.
I have had co-workers who not only didn’t have loans to repay but had parents who were still contributing a lot of money each year. I was living off my salary and paying my student loans, and the co-workers were living in better apartments, driving nicer cars, taking better vacations.
That’s just life.
@ultimom You should talk to my sister who graduated 30 years ago with about 30K in debt. She’d tell you that school debt and “unequal” access to education can be overcome by working hard. She is now sending her two kids to college and paying full price( about 150K).
You may think that someone should pay for the inequity or share their wealth or change the system, but I can tell you she doesn’t. And neither do I. The world has always been unequal when it comes to educational access. IF you want something you have to work for it. Sometimes for many years. Long and hard.