If you and your daughter are open to warmer climes, consider Davidson–in my day nicknamed Amherst of the South. Our son looked at New England SLACs and preferred Davidson. It’s a bit easier admit than Amherst/Williams (and several thousands less expensive) and is only 30 min outside of Charlotte with easy flights to/from New York. It’s known for its focus on academics and does have a strong music program. Almost all classes are limited to 35 students w/many upper level classes having 15-20 or fewer. The vibe is friendly and collaborative not competitive. Political activism is certainly more muted on campus–which could be a plus or minus depending on the student. The honor code is taken seriously and that has tangible impact on student life. Students can and do leave study materials/laptops in study spaces knowing that they’ll be there when they return. Most final exams (“reviews”) are self scheduled and that adds flexibility to travel plans at the end of each semester. Davidson and Dartmouth are the only schools I know that require a peer recommendation.
The upscale Town of Davidson is next to campus and is charming though smaller than Amherst. And the Carolina weather lends itself to students spending time outdoors with many professors holding classes outside on especially nice days. There is also a Lake Campus with beach on Lake Norman that is popular among students on warm spring and fall weekends which are often.
They also have a very eager orchestra conductor/head of music and a small but significant music scholarship. High stats music applicants are also encouraged to apply for their full scholarship
Nice of you to report back! Kids have all kinds of reasons for liking or not liking schools. Did your daughter focus on campus itself? Curriculum? Tour guide? “Vibe”? (I cannot imagine not liking Brown!)
So, this is where things started to get interesting and her father and I both raised an eyebrow. Brown was visit 7/8, I’m sure fatigue was setting in. It was very cold and windy, few students were out and about. We were both surprised by her “meh” reaction as we drove home. She made some comment about how time-consuming ivy applications would be and how she probably wouldn’t get in anyway. Her father gave some lecture about how some schools can be life changing and are worth the time and effort. I think I commented on making sure she was making well-informed decisions with all information in hand, that none of these applications would be easy. I kinda wanted to strangle her at that point, but we changed topics.
Last night she told me she doesn’t think she wants to apply to any ivies. She thinks she would just feel too much pressure all the time and wouldn’t be able to relax. I did not disagree with her. I think she currently feels a lot of pressure from friends, teachers and possibly us about what type of school she “should” go to. She did say that Amherst, Holy Cross and Tufts are at the top of her list. Honestly, i think Brown would be too if it didn’t frighten her
But I’m glad she is coming to her own conclusions and carving her own path. That is what we want for her.
Not sure I agree that Brown is stressful, though it is rigorous in its own way. One of mine went there and it is by far my favorite school.
I recently heard the term “self-preservation” skills. Sounds like your daughter leans in that direction! I do think that schools on the Colleges that Change Lives might meet her needs for lower stress.
Mu son applied to one school because the tour guide had keys to the theater building. At 18, he loved having keys. Like I said, 18 year olds have their biases.
I have spent a lot of time around Tufts music department. It is a great school and the music department is very active (I think I was told 50% of students participate).
I actually found Brown’s vibe less stressful though. It all depends. If you visit a school on a sunny warm day when everyone is on the green, it is a lot different from a winter visit. . February is a tough time to visit!
Sounds like she has her choices and good luck to her!
You know, it’s OK not to apply to Ivies. My older daughter (who graduated from college last year) had attended a selective-admission high school with lots of overachieving kids, and she didn’t want a stressful competitive environment in college (plus she knew she wanted a small LAC, plus we needed merit aid and wanted her to be in a one-day drive from home, which she preferred as well). She had the stats in the range for top schools, enough rigor and very strong ECs, but she was adamantly set against super elite schools (which was good because it would have been hard for us to afford a private school that didn’t give merit aid). She also wanted to continue with music and theater, so she needed to balance these ECs with academics.
She ended up applying to 6 Midwestern LACs and our very well respected state flagship (it was a safety for her major). None of them were reaches (now Grinnell is a reach for everyone but in 2020 for her school it wasn’t), but they were excellent target schools for her stats. She got into every single one of them with good merit (plus the very competitive honors program at our flagship) and didn’t have to deal with rejections (the pandemic was starting at the time, so there was enough stress). She cried because she couldn’t choose which college to go to (not the worst situation). She ended up receiving a fantastic education, on par with that of an Ivy imho (I’m a university professor with a Ph.D. from an ivy)–it was still stressful at times, especially during the senior year, because her LAC (Kenyon) requires a senior thesis for each major, and she was double majoring, but overall the experience was great. I’m just saying this to reassure you that your daughter has an excellent list and would most likely thrive at any of those school.
(On a different subject, our younger daughter will also start college in 2026 and is also interested in music but not a performance major, so maybe I’ll see you in the music major forum next academic year).
Thank you so much for this response. Many of her friends (and their parents) are focused on prestige and ranking. And that is fine, but she is getting tired of the conversations. I do think she is having a very normal reaction to an overwhelming process. She will figure it out
So, D19 was not “classic” ivy material but a friend of mine on one of the HYP admission committees said that he thought something unique about her would appeal to that particular one and encouraged her to apply (obviously he could not be one of the people reviewing her). She thought about it a bit, and came to the same conclusion as your D. The kids will end up where they need to be, and I think it’s actually quite mature at that age to not just chase rankings.
Just want to say that rankings and prestige are not the only reasons to apply to Ivies. And “little Ivies” are, in my part of the country, just as prestigious and as I said, rigorous.
Of course some apply to Ivies to increase future income, in their minds anyway. A few years back 40% of Harvard students went into banking, investment, consulting etc. I doubt that has changed.
Hope your daughter finds a good fit. Right or wrong, kids are allowed their preferences and even their biases!
I’m a high school teacher. I think your daughter is very brave and wise to make her plan this way. It is also likely she will change her mind later; however, your support at this point means a lot to her. It shows that you trust her and have faith in her. I’ve witnessed many students under great pressure after announcing they’re applying to the ivies, also many who quietly applied (asking me for rec letter also ask me not to tell anyone) to avoid the tension. At their age, they care too much about how the others perceive them. It is very hard to align the expectations from themselves and the others.
We were a full pay family…with one musician and one STEM major.
I love how your DD is making her own decisions about where she might apply to college. I think the student needs to own these decisions (assuming affordability). Our kids visited a lot of colleges, and ditched some that we liked.
But remember, your student is going to college, not you. And very often what makes a school stand out or not is something we can’t understand.
Don’t underestimate just how rough the peer pressure can be if the school/community is prestige focused. I really thought if WE weren’t chasing prestige, it would buffer them - in hindsight at best it just didn’t exacerbate the messaging they were hearing all day every day at school and in their extra-curriculars.
I obviously have no clue if Brown is or isn’t a good fit for your daughter, but the comment about not being sure about applying to any ivy reminded me so much of my son, I wanted to respond. He saw better than we did, the enormous amount of pressure his older sister was feeling. He wanted absolutely no part of it (incidentally I saw University of Rochester on your list and that is where he ended up and has had a great experience). Watch for those comments, and continue to reinforce that you’re looking for a good fit for her for the next chapter to try and counter some of the messaging she is undoubtably hearing other places. I wish I’d been a better buffer - it’s a stressful enough process, but some communities make it even worse.
