<p>Do you think it would be appropriate for me (a student of the professor) to attend a funeral of their parent? I’m very close to the professor and she’s been very helpful and encouraging with my personal life too. I just feel extremely terrible for her loss. I was wondering what you guys may think.</p>
<p>That is a very nice gesture which I think your prof will surely appreciate.</p>
<p>I think it would be very nice of you to attend and that the prof would appreciate it.</p>
<p>It would be a appropriate and kind. You have a good heart.</p>
<p>I can’t see any reason why this would be considered inappropriate. You have a personal relationship with her and it’s a nice thing to do.</p>
<p>Yes, I think she would appreciate your being there.</p>
<p>As everyone said-- a very nice gesture-- and you never know where a mourner will find comfort.</p>
<p>The only red flag I might raise-- your gesture could be awkward and l"ong-shot possibly misconstrued" if there is an outside chance this person is currently writing you recommendations… just my two cents.</p>
<p>Also- make sure you are aware of any “customs” or rituals related to specific religious practices you may or may not be familiar with…
e.g. in some settings it is inappropriate to greet the mourner until the mourner acknowledges your presence…</p>
<p>It is a very fine thing that you are planning to do. My only suggestion would be that you go to the funeral with a classmate (or two) who also know and respect the professor. That way you will have someone to sit with if you don’t recognize anyone else there.</p>
<p>When I was in grad school, my major advisor’s wife passed away. At the church, there was a whole pew of students from our lab and our advisor’s classes. Those who were familiar with the Presbyterian hymnal were a huge help to those who’d never been to that kind of funeral before.</p>
<p>a few years ago when my dad was terminal, i had to cancel classes to drive him to some appointments. i was in my office on the phone to my mom and it was a bit emotional as we knew the outcome was not going to be good and she was relieved to know i was coming. as i composed myself and opened my door i discovered that two students had been waiting politely by the door. </p>
<p>i greeted them and discussed their concerns and answered their questions. neither of us acknowledged my obvious distress. a few days later, i received a wonderful card signed by both students. </p>
<p>the gesture was so genuine and kind–that card remains on my shelf to this day–and it reminds me of how kind young adults can be. </p>
<p>go.</p>
<p>Kindness is always appropriate.</p>
<p>Yes, it would be appropriate and would be appreciated.</p>
<p>Saying this as a former professor. When my own mother died, we had a private funeral, but I greatly appreciated the students who sent me notes about my loss. If it had been a public funeral, I would have appreciated students who had attended.</p>
<p>It is a very good idea; kind and appropriate to your relationship. Since people don’t invite others to a funeral, they announce it and just hope others show up. </p>
<p>If you’re unsure of anything (customs, time, location, whether or not it’s a private funeral), a polite route is to ask a department head or your teacher, “Who is handling the funeral?” Then you phone that funeral home (business hours) to ask away, best the day before. Time/place information (not customs) usually appear in the local newspaper’s obituary section, either the day before or morning of the funeral. </p>
<p>Think ahead whether you will attend only the funeral service, or follow to graveside for burial. If only the indoor service, that’s fine too. Deciding beforehand helps, because as you arrive at the funeral home or church, there might be parking lot attendants who ask you to roll down your window and tell them. Then they point you to park accordingly. </p>
<p>Inside the funeral home, before the service, look around for a guestbook sign-in. When direct relatives are in grief and fatigued, or the funeral very large, the family later can’t recall who attended. The sign-in book helps and comforts them later.</p>
<p>Someone might ask you,“how did you know the deceased?” – if so, just identify yourself as a student to the daughter, which will be understood by others as a good reason for you to be there.</p>
<p>Of course if the funeral is in New Orleans, ignore all the above advice on decorum. Still go.</p>