<p>I’m not convinced that two graphs depict the trajectories of the entire human race.</p>
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<p>Wow, I’m dumbfounded. Did we suddenly regress 50 years in this thread? Also, you do realize that testosterone production in men peaks at about age 18, and declines thereafter, and has nothing to do with male mental development?</p>
<p>Mr. Von S - well, it’s a public message board so to a large degree, people can post what they want. Think of some the things printed in the news rags at the checkout counter: “I watched the Super Bowl with a three headed alien and watched Elvis sing at half time!”</p>
<p>My son took an “involuntary” gap year when we had him hauled off to a therapeutic wilderness program and then to an emotional growth boarding school. He matured greatly, did two years of high school at a great prep boarding school and got into some highly selective colleges. It worked for him, but it is a tough haul and not appropriate for the original poster here.</p>
<p>Kirmum, registering a year later or taking a gap year after high school is different than pulling a kid out of his situation for a year hoping to see an improvement. The boy is already trying hard, and he sounds like a good kid. As long as he keeps at it, I believe that it will all work out for him just as well as it would have if pulled out of academics for a year.</p>
<p>HeyDad, I was making a comparison. Boys are thought to mature socially later than girls, as well, so I was saying that it would be absurd to expect a boy to mature socially if deprived of a social environment for a year. The two have significant differences, but in both cases I believe staying within the environment is important to maturing.</p>
<p>Well, think what you want, but statistically speaking, Cheers is right on target.</p>
<p>(BTW, testosterone peaks between 20 and 30 years in men. But, that may or not matter to the “success” graph.)</p>
<p>Has your struggling son had any academic testing?</p>
<p>I’m aware of a few late diagnoses of ADHD (inattentive rather than hyperactive). With or without medication (don’t wnt to get into the debate), knowing can do wonders for self-esteem.</p>
<p>mominva - good suggestion. Up to this point, none of his teachers saw anything that might have raised red flags but it wouldn’t hurt to run a few tests. Do you happen to know what’s involved?</p>
<p>OP-I’m a teenager (soph year, same as son). Do NOT take your son out of hs. I think you should accept your son for who he is (not saying you aren’t, but…). Will you be angry if a 2.2 is the best he can do? If he puts in effort, what is the problem? So his grades aren’t good-school isn’t for everybody. Plus, I agree with our posters that HS is sequential, and want to add that taking a year out might even be DETRIMENTAL because he will forget the “rhythm” of things. Adjusting back to school might take more than just September, and his grades might be worse-especially when junior year is most important. Plus, your theory about brains getting better later seems a little crazy. If that was true, then everyone would be thinking of a gap year. If your son is doing his best, what more can you ask? Don’t be so focused on the outcome of college-your D1 already did well.</p>
<p>If it was my kid, I would probably want to do academic testing and perhaps some kind of intervention. I would want to sit down and look closely at his academics to figure out why he has a 2.2. </p>
<p>Is he attending class? Is he doing his homework- and remembering to hand it in? Does he do well in some classes that he’s interested in and flame out in others, or is his performance just consistently mediocre across the board? How are his writing skills? What are his analytical writing assignments like and where does he lose points- grammar/spelling/fluency/logic etc? How does he test? How is his memory? Is he aware of memorization and study strategies? How many hours does he spend studying for a test- how often and how long before a test? Does he read at home? Does he comprehend what he reads? Does he understand mathematical concepts? Does he have any special interests? What are his strengths? Does he NEED you to push him? (I know this sounds weird, but some kids need their parents to intervene. My D will ask me to force her to do her homework or to study). Has he had any tutoring? If so, has it helped? Has he been tested for learning disabilities/ADHD? How is his class participation? Do his teachers like him? How is he doing socially/with classmates? Is he depressed? Is he working to potential? Does he think he can do better? Does he want to do better? </p>
<p>Maybe you’ve asked and answered these questions before but I think they’re important to think about. Maybe your son is only capable of a 2.2, and I do believe it’s important to be accepting of a child even if they aren’t academically inclined, but I think it’s also important to evaluate the factors that come into play with that performance and to evaluate what that means for your son’s future. Only then can you formulate an appropriate educational plan.</p>
<p>heydad, I sent you a PM</p>
<p>Westchestermom - thank you for your response and for asking many good questions. Without going through them one by one, I’d say the answers would generally be in the affirmative: “does he participate in class?” “is he sociable and well liked? etc…” </p>
<p>He doesn’t have much in the way of organizational skills: if he has a test on Tuesday, he begins studying Monday night. Since I work and am away on occasion, I can’t stay on top of every single subject to “remind” him to prepare in advance. Part of me says: "well, maybe he needs to learn the ‘hard way’. i.e. - maybe he’ll figure out that getting an ‘F’ on a test is not exactly gratifying, that one way to do better is to plan/prepare ahead.
Another part of me says: “if I stay on top of him, then he’ll only respond if I CONTINUE to stay on top of him.” Ideally, he’ll figure this out on his own and do what’s necessary without being told.</p>
<p>I was a math major in college, so it’s quite easy for me to help him there - it’s the one subject where he can, with my help, get a B. Unassisted, I’d guess a C. Biology, however, is not my cup of tea and hence, I’m of little help there. I have, however, arranged for him to seek extra help from his bio teacher (by seeing him after school etc…) - we’ve gone through 3 quarters of this and still, he’s lucky to eek out a C minus. </p>
<p>So I tell myself: “okay, maybe he’s not cut out to be a biologist.” </p>
<p>No problem.</p>
<p>But then, we have the same problem with history, English and foreign language (Japanese).</p>
<p>In general, his teachers say he’s a pleasure to have in class. He just tests horribly; his assignments are so-so. Not spectacular in either direction.
I think they are just as mystified as I am.</p>
<p>Again, the expectation is not that he get a 4.0 and be Harvard bound. If he were “somewhere around the middle” - say around the 40th percentile - I’d be jumping for joy! I don’t know - will I catch a load of flak for “pushing” my child to be in the 40th percentile?</p>
<p>I don’t think many parents would be overjoyed to have a child finish dead last (or two spots above dead last) at an average high school. If it were a place like MIT, I’d be thrilled with such an outcome but most high schools don’t exactly resemble MIT ( at least, not when I last looked).</p>
<p>I suppose at bottom, every parent wants his/her child to have options in life. I think it’s also fair to say that, by and large, those with better academic records have more options than those who finish near last. </p>
<p>Do I think it’s necessary to make boatloads of money to be happy? No. But I do believe it’s better to earn more than minimum wage at McDonald’s.</p>
<p>
Worth repeating. A Yale grad friend of mine was non-plussed by her non-academic daughter. She’s a great kid and luckily found her calling in a summer camp program. She’s going off to Culinary School next fall. I second WestchesterMom’s suggestion for some testing. You might also want to look at Mel Levine’s All Kinds of Minds website or read some of his books. He has some good advice for ways of looking at LDs in a positive way. As an architect I work with lots of contractors who have great lives without a college education.</p>
<p>mathmom - thanks for pointing me in Mel Levine’s direction. Also, wanted to point out that while an architect can, if she desires, become a general contractor, it would be much harder going the other way ( GC to Architect). </p>
<p>While a college degree is not ABSOLUTELY required, I think in many situations, it provides more options than having only a HS diploma.</p>
<p>Oh I agree, not having a degree closes a lot of doors.</p>
<p>Mel Levine is amazing and he does take private patients for those looking for answers as to how their children learn best. He was of great help in getting my son diagnosed and adjusted for success.</p>
<p>Heydad, for ADHD a good place to start is looking at the checklist reading available on many sites. Usually parents of ADHD kids see their child immediately. The are also many other subtle types of learning disabilities.</p>
<p>If your son has a 2.2, your school district probably should have offered to assess him. That is a place to start for you. Ask for an assessment which will probably lead to an IEP (individual education plan). Your son may need help that the school district will have to provide.</p>
<p>However, as a parent whose been through this, I must say that private assessment, for families that cann afoord them, are generally much better. The school districted is not insented to find problems they need to pay to help fix. For that you need a good neuropsychologist. Your MD should know who’s in your area as should Levine’s organization.</p>
<p>So what’s your son think of all this?</p>
<p>A gap year could be a very good thing to help even things out, but only if your son wants to do it. Nothing that doesn’t have his buy-in is likely to be as effective as something that does.</p>
<p>I think if you have a strong feeling that your son is developmentally back a year from where he should be at this point, you’re probably right. Not all kids ride a bike at the same time, get married at the same time, buy a house at the same time, why should they all be in 11th grade at the same time?</p>
<p>Have you thought about having someone work with him specifically on meta-cognitive skills (organization, study, memory, learning how to learn)? That might be more worthwhile than focusing on content itself, and they are definitely skills that can be learned.</p>
<p>Did I actually write insented?</p>
<p>Anyway, curious, what are his strengths and weaknesses at school?</p>
<p>kirmum, conyat - thanks for your suggestions. I’m just beginning this process of going outside the family, school counselor etc…for a “third opinion”, so we’ll see where it leads. </p>
<p>As for getting help with “meta cognitive” skills. We haven’t hired someone specifically to teach this; I have, however, at various times, likened study skills with free-throw shooting: it’s better to practice a little every day, than to wait until the night before the “big” game and shoot 5000 free throws. I’ve also suggested that if a teacher assigns the odd problems, then to strengthen comprehension, it would be wise to do the evens. </p>
<p>Nothing really seems to stick. He will agree with everything I say but when it comes time to implementation…</p>
<p>The other thing is that in subjects such as math, physics and chemistry, it’s easy to check his comprehension: by having him do a handful of problems, I can see rather quickly whether he’s “getting it”. I find it harder to check comprehension of history, English etc…I just don’t have the time to re-read “Romeo and Juliet” to pose question such as: ‘why did Romeo say that?’ or ‘why did the king agree to sign the Magna Carta in 1216 A.D.?’</p>
<p>Anyway, thanks for all of your helpful suggestions.</p>
<p>Sorry haven’t had a chance to get back here and post…</p>
<p>Procrastination is very common and normal, and it takes a very disciplined kid to avoid it. Naturally procrastination can be an even bigger issue for ADHD kids because they have difficulties focusing and they often need the adrenaline surge of the last minute deadline (it literally has an effect akin to stimulant medications for them). So you need to rule out attention issues as a cause. </p>
<p>Perhaps the first place to start is by checking if he does homework consistently and punctually. Actually doing homework is like routinely studying for many subjects. If he’s not handing in all his homework, it would be worth figuring out a way to enforce consequences to motivate him doing it. </p>
<p>I know it’s hard to tutor a kid in English or Social Studies. Here’s a few things I’ve done to support my daughter… I’ve shown her how to make study guides that boil things down into what I call simple bullet points. (For example, boiling down a lengthy social studies concept into a several word phrase to memorize). (My daughter previously would try to take notes, but they would wind up being too lengthy and hard to memorize). I also taught her how to create and use mnemonics and other memorization techniques (for example, using all senses- looking at pictures to help memorize something, or repeating a word multiple times. She initially did not know how to do this on her own, but has gotten better at it with guidance. </p>
<p>Secondly, start by reading any written assignments your son hands in. How is his reasoning? His grammar and spelling? Maybe you can’t answer the question but you can at least make sure his piece reads fluently. I don’t mean writing the piece for him. I make my daughter read an awkward sentence aloud- usually she’ll see there’s a problem and attempt to fix it. And making him correct grammar and spelling will usually help him gain some points. </p>
<p>Thirdly there’s something important to remember regarding support. My daughter required a huge amount of support when beginning high school and still does, but it’s lessening and there are some subjects she handles without any assistance from me. The important thing for her was learning that she could succeed academically. Your son may not realize this about himself. He may have just given up. </p>
<p>A lot of it is about modeling. Many kids just don’t understand what they need to do in order to attain academic success. Sometimes you have to really hand hold them through the process. </p>
<p>For example, my D had to take a Regents exam (NY state test like a final exam) in a science subject she wasn’t very good at. I swore to her that if she followed my lead she’d do well on the test. I made her do many practice exams- sat over her while she did them. She didn’t mind taking the tests, but she hated having to go over her wrong answers. I made her do that and I can tell you she wouldn’t have on her own. The effort paid off with a score in the 90’s. The best thing was her science teacher noticed… came up to her at a school play and said… bet you can’t guess what you got on the Regents? My D was quaking because she thought she must have done really bad. The attention from him for doing better than expected was good reinforcement too. </p>
<p>Now she pretty much knows what she needs to do to do well on the Regents. She doesn’t argue about it and she also knows the work will pay off in a good grade. </p>
<p>So I encourage you to get as involved as you have time for and hire assistance if you can afford it. In my area, families hire very expensive tutors but I am paying $10/hr to a high schooler to help my D with chemistry. He’s happy, she’s happy and it works out… </p>
<p>I took this path because there is a lot of ADHD in my H’s family. In the laissez faire 60’s he and his sibs more or less floated through school. My SIL never made it through college, despite being very intelligent. So I’ve decided that letting my kid float is not the way to go. So far the approach of academic support seems to be working. We’re also lucky because knowing that she has ADHD let us be aware of what her learning issues are.</p>