Gay Students- Should you say that you do or don't want a roommate?

<p>I'm gay, and I'm not sure whether or not I should say that I want a roommate or not. If the person was nice and accepting, I think it would be great, and I would have someone for support and everything. On the other hand, if they were homophobic, I think it would be a pretty bad experience. What do you guys think?</p>

<p>What college(s) are you talking about? Because if you're looking at colleges typical of CC, I don't think you need to worry. Homophobia tends to decrease as academic quality increases.</p>

<p>My top choice is Rice, so idk. I don't want it to be awkward, and reading through previous threads a lot of people say that they would be uncomfortable with a gay roommate (I'm a guy btw). I also don't want to miss out on a chance to make a really good friend. From what I've been hearing it's either hit or miss, you and your roommate could end up being best friends, or barely talking.</p>

From what I've been hearing it's either hit or miss, you and your roommate could end up being best friends, or barely talking.


So you have nothing to lose! If you get a single, you won't have a chance to be friends with a roommate. If you get a double and your roommate is unsupportive or uncomfortable, there's no difference! Not everyone is friends with their roommate.</p>

<p>The only negative is that he might actively oppose homosexuality. But I think that's unlikely, in 2012, at schools like Rice.</p>

<p>If you're applying to places like Rice, Tufts, etc. (the typical elite university), it's pretty unlikely that you are going to get a homophobic roommate. I don't think any of my lesbian or gay friends had any roommate issues that stemmed from their sexuality. Not a single one had any issue at all, come to think of it, which is more than I can say about my friends who are heterosexual.</p>

<p>Honestly, the "hit or miss" thing is true even of straight students. There are constantly rant threads being posted about students who have "the most annoying" roommates - and not because of their sexuality. So even if you ended up having a gay roommate by chance, that doesn't mean he'd be supportive or even be able to tolerate you (or you, him). If you did end up with a terrible roommate who harassed you or was really that awful beyond what a typical bad match-up would be, you could look into changing rooms, or talk to your RA, or whatever other options your school offered. But like another poster said, acceptance increases with educational quality and depending on the school/area you live in.</p>

<p>One of my friends had roommate issues because of that and then decided to get a single room mostly because of that.</p>

<p>It's really kind of a toss-up. I'm bisexual (more lesbian, though) and I have never felt uncomfortable in having a roommate (although I just hate having roommates due to personal preference). I had two roommates when I lived in the dorms (one per semester, I changed midyear).</p>

<p>My first roommate was totally fine with me being bi. It was never an issue or even brought up besides when I first told her, though I don't remember when that was. She would sometimes be like naked in the room though for like significant periods of time, so that was kind of weird, but I just ignored it.</p>

<p>My second roommate, I never really told. I'm not really the type to bring girls back to my room, so it never came up. I could see from some tags on her bags and some Facebook events she attended that she's like a huge, huge Christian so I felt awkward about telling her, especially if she would be against it. I think she knew though since I would occasionally talk about girls on the phone or Skype. She never changed in the room, either, maybe that had something to do with it.</p>

<p>It's kind of dependent on how out you are. Personally, while my orientation is available on Facebook, it's not something I go around discussing when I first meet people, usually because I don't know how they'll react and I don't really want to make them uncomfortable. But when deciding on whether to have a single room, you're just going to have to make that choice. Single rooms can be lonely if you don't know anyone at your school, and they are more expensive. You also have to judge the general character of your school, if you think odds are good (REAL odds, not what-if odds) that your roommate won't be okay with it, then maybe try to get a single. If you can't, don't sweat it. You'll most likely be just fine. </p>

<p>Also, you don't have to tell your roommate, you know. I think maybe some straight people here might disagree with me, but your orientation is a private matter, and you have the right to decide who knows about it. Your roommate will most likely pick up on it anyways. It's kind to let them know, and probably a really good idea to let them know if you're planning on bringing people back to your room. But you don't have to, especially if you aren't comfortable with it. I know most straight roommates would prefer to know if their roommate is gay, but they don't own that information and you are not obligated to tell them if you don't want to.</p>

<p>Different question: does Rice allow freshmen to opt for a single at all? Many private colleges don't (except for documented medical reasons).</p>

<p>One of my good friends at William & Mary is lesbian, and she and her roommate were thrown together in the random selection process. They are good friends and the straight roommate harbors no animosity towards the gay roommate. I think that when it comes to roommates, you risk all sorts of issues-- disagreements over religion, personal values, sexuality, ect--that apply whether or not you are gay. If your roommate resents you for your sexuality, that is an issue you can bring up with the administration. Take the risk! You might end up making a really good friend.</p>

<p>There are a lot of factors in making the decision. Are you out, or do you act somewhat straight? I'll be honest, I'm a gay guy and things just felt awkward (freshman year) with my roommate and suitemates. I'm not flamboyant (act straight), but there was still an uncomfortable distance that really brought my year down. If you're prone to depression or are self-conscious, I wouldn't risk it. </p>

<p>The whole "you never know 'til you try" thing just isn't worth it. A lot of people say they're open-minded, but I wouldn't count on it. Even if they're not downright abusive, it could still make for an awkward, regrettable year.</p>

<p>Feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss more.</p>