I don’t see why existence of transgender or gender-fluid people should prevent other people from celebrating their kid’s gender as long as they don’t make sweeping statements.
It’s an office. Not a home party. I’d mind being told to play. Or needing to find/buy a shirt. They could do a paper tally or or have a box of pink and blue ribbons to choose.
It’s not just an identity issue. There are so many today who struggle with infertility.
I get being excited. I’m thrilled for my friend’s 38 year old D who gave up and the pregnancy was a total surprise. But right time/right place on the details. Don’t need to make the whole office participate. And not even commenting on how a woman’s role is more than to bear children.
Sounds to me like a young woman is excited about her pregnancy and wants to share her happiness with people she works with. I don’t think she is making any larger statements (ex. gender fluidity etc.) Participate or don’t participate as you choose but I would not do anything to damper her excitement.
Lots of good advice. I like the idea of participating but wearing purple or the shirt as mentioned by @skieurope . I agree with @JustaMom5465 's S. The whole business of gender reveal when it is really sex reveal does make me uncomfortable. But, please don’t think of me as a boorish person who will risk ruining everyone’s excitement. But, I spent Christmas with a lovely transgender woman who has been made unwelcome by her family. For me, this was emotionally difficult. It seems to me that so many essential characteristics are associated with a not-yet-known baby just because of the sex. I think I will, at an appropriate time, share with other’s the trans-woman’s experience.
I’m glad when/where I worked, these type of events weren’t part of the culture. For a work environment, it sounds like way too much.
I wish people would separate personal life from professional. Sure some team building/socializing at work is good, but baby showers, gender reveals, etc. are just too much - anyone here remember The Office?
Engagements, wedding showers, birthdays, and more. At one office, we seemed to have cake every other day and had to change it to once/month. We all liked each other, went to lunch, sometimes socialized after work, often went to each others’ weddings. But there’s a line. I guess it’s YMMV.
Not to mention all the planning and decorating. And gifts.
I don’t believe that we should be automatons at work. We are people. People. Should we leave personal health days, special accommodations, bereavement leave or personal religious or cultural sensitivity at the door too ? These are all “personal” issues not professional. Of course we wouldn’t. Personal lives short of forcing unwanted matters onto others are ok. Do t go to the party. Or go to the party. I would say that if some form of retaliation was anticipated it becomes a different matter entirely.
Perhaps you can just get wish your coworker well and let her know you have previous engagement. And go get lunch offsite perhaps.
I am not sure if gender reveal parties are common workplace events. I been working in a large corporate world with 75 percent women co-workers and I’ve never seen or heard of one in all of these years.
I despise gender reveal parties. The whole idea creeps me out. There is no other time in a person’s life where there is such a discussion about a kid’s genitalia.
I’d wear something along the lines of “who cares? we love you” type shirt. I wouldn’t be rude. I wouldn’t protest loudly. But anyone who knows me knows that’s what I’d do so it definitely wouldn’t come as a shock lol.
I refuse to do a gender reveal when I get pregnant. We don’t want to know and we’re picking out a gender-neutral name. My parents didn’t know with me but they were convinced I would be a boy. Surprise! They didn’t really have a name picked out for me because my dad never seriously entertained the idea of me being a girl.
I know I will sound like a curmudgeon (and really, I’m not!), but I think the gender reveal thing is just another expression of the narcissistic bent of our whole culture. And the OP is in a situation that is hard to finesse without calling attention to him/herself.
While a new baby is always a good thing, one’s colleagues really shouldn’t be drafted into the whole celebration. This isn’t about the importance or unimportance of gender, it’s about having to pay undue attention to someone else’s pregnancy. Hey, look at me, everybody guess what gender my baby is! Why can’t people just be humble about their life events and grateful when they go well?
“who cares? we love you”
I actually find this to be rude. Why? Because the parents do care. Stick with just “we love you and want you to have a healthy baby” if you can’t (refuse) to share in their excitement.
If you don’t want to participate…don’t.
One of the best times I had at work was a shower for a first time dad. It was fun watching him get gifts (and they were all small and useful) but the best was listening to advice from another dad. “Do you have swing? You have to have a swing. First day, you need a swing.” All we could imagine was at this guy’s house, some poor kid was swinging day and night.
But if you don’t think it is fun, don’t do it. Some people don’t like to play the Superbowl pool or March Madness, so they don’t play.
My daughter was just asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. Now you can’t just ask, you have to send a package and Skype the opening. Everything has to be a big reveal or event. No one can force you to play. If they ask you why you didn’t wear pink or blue, just say that you are happy either way and give a green or yellow blanket (if a gift is expected).
Honestly, some of your responses are laughable. So indignant! Now you have to be “humble” when expecting? The world has gone ? crazy!
The problem with an event like this, and what it makes it different from a private party is that there’s no way not to participate without looking like a wet blanket and calling attention to yourself with your non-participation.
@Leigh22, you don’t have to be humble at all if you don’t want to. But there’s a difference between being happy and excited about expecting a baby, and demanding that your coworkers participate in your joy by wearing certain colors at a gender reveal day. It’s all too over the top.
Exactly, @Sue22 !
So, how did it go today? Just read this post late. My take is that it’s a small office. The persons feelings would be hurt. It’s just a small thing, wear pink or blue. What purpose does it serve to say something?
I agree asking people to wear something like this is silly, but harmless. If it was a large office, id say ignore it. But this scenario? I’d just go with the flow.
I wouldn’t mind choosing the gender, but I would be annoyed about having to wear clothing that is either pink or blue, since neither color is in my closet. I would refuse to buy clothes for this. The pregnant mom could have ribbons or beads that coworkers could choose from. Saying they have to wear clothing of that color is really pushing it.
Well. One side says you’re humans. Another says, humans there to do a job.
And that women in a professional capacity are more than their pregnancy. Look, we threw a work shower for my work bff. But we knew the gender. No need to cut into a cake and find pink or blue or shoot confetti.
A separate out-of-office party? An optional lunch? Go for it.
Lol, you’ll show lots of support when the office takes on her work during maternity leave.
Ok. I get it A pink or blue or purple scruntchy, which I have.