I work at a small office and one of the women is pregnant. She had an ultrasound and today, we are supposed to wear a particular color shirt: Pink if we think it’s a girl and blue if we think it’s a boy. I never heard about such things as gender reveal parties until recently (is this new?) and I struggle with celebrating this cultural phenomenon. My daughter has many trans, non gender, and gender fluid friends who have been hurt and by their family and others because of non-gender conformity.
I struggle with putting so much value on biological sex. People seem so invested in the gender of a child which makes it so much for difficult for the non-conforming individual. But, it’s a small office and if I don’t participate, I worry I will hurt the woman who is pregnant. I can’t say “I forgot” as I just received a text reminding me. I feel I should say something, but don’t know how. Any advice?
I really don’t think you are being disrespectful to your daughter’s friends by picking a gender in a game. Play or don’t, but I don’t think it is a big deal.
Wear light purple and say you just wanted to be at least partly right.
I understand what you are saying, but this baby will have a birth gender and this is what the office and mom to be are celebrating to pass part of the 9 months.
If the child’s gender identity does not match that birth gender, that will be revealed later and probably without the participation of the office.
There will be plenty of time to have a more serious discussion about gender identity later if you think your colleague needs that guidance. Odds are, as a young woman, she has had more enlightenment on this than our generation had, but perhaps not the experience you do.
I second purple. In my S’s office, there was one of these. There were pink or blue beads to wear depending on what you thought. He put on both, I believe. Very good relationship with the coworker, but he wasn’t having any of this silliness (he’s a charmer and can get away with it.)
My D was just showing us the cavalcade of pink her kid’s been given since she was born four weeks ago. It’s insane. She said if there was a way to keep the baby’s gender secret longer, she’d have tried to do so. All the pre-birth presents are charmingly unisex and unfrilly. If she dresses her in anything but pink, anyone who doesn’t know assumes she’s a boy.
I understand your concerns about gender fluidity but unless you have someone with gender identity differences at your small office, people wearing pink or blue for one day is probably not something that will upset or offend too many people. I like the idea of the “Pink or Blue” shirt noted above.
I, personally, don’t get the fascination with finding out early, short of sex based genetic defects. I refused to find out for my first 4. When I was pregnant with my 5th and last, I found out, but shared it with nobody. The only reason I found out was because D, who was then turning 7, kept begging for a sister after 3 brothers. When I learned #5 was another boy, I was able to tailor my responses to her appropriately. Other than that, I would have never found out.
I remember a friend and his wife let his dad, who was recently widowed, find out the baby’s sex early. After the baby was born, the new grandpa told me he was sorry he had asked for that favor. It caused him to have to parse every word he said to his son and DIL during her pregnancy and, as thrilled as he was to have a beautiful grand-daugther named after his late wife, he would have been happier with a surprise.
I guess I just don’t get the whole gender reveal thing.
I don’t get the gender reveal thing either, because it almost seems to imply that knowing the baby’s sex means you know a whole lot of things about who that baby/person will be. I also think so many of life’s milestones - weddings, births, etc. - have gotten WAY over the top. I blame social media! :))
I remember quite a number of people being bothered by the fact that I didn’t want to find out my child sex when I was pregnant with her. They asked me questions like, how will you know what color to paint the room or what clothes to buy? As though one can only put pink on a girl, blue in a boy. My daughter’s room was painted yellow and she had a blue and yellow floral crib bedding set before she was born. When she was two and got a bed, we offered to redecorate her “big girl room” and she asked us to paint the walls “blue like Thomas the Tank Engine”, so we did (a little less bright than Thomas, though!).
When she was a baby and toddler I dressed her in comfortable, cute, unfussy clothes - she owned three snap-crotch Old Navy sweatsuits in red, gray, and blue and they were the best things ever. But it was interesting to see how people stereotyped her based on her perceived gender. She had very little hair for her first 18 months and was a big, chubby baby. One woman came up to us in a store and said admiringly, “He looks like he’s going to be a football player when he grows up!” When I smiled and told her the baby is a girl, she said, “Ohhhh, she might have to watch that weight when she grows up!” I kid you not. Yikes.
I agree that if wearing pink or blue and supporting this sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, to do something like the other posters suggested and wear light purple and be supportive in your own way. I totally get it. My daughter has a ton of gender nonconforming friends as well and it has changed the way we all think.
The baby will be born with a biological gender, that’s really not debatable. If the couple celebrating want to use pink or blue that is their choice. Why can’t we just respect their wishes during this happy time in their life.
I personally did not find out the gender of my children before they were born and I doubt I would have had a gender reveal party if I had. But that was my choice.
I agree with bhs1978. I think it is rude to PC the heck out of their happiness. If it makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason don’t participate but also don’t turn it into a SJ office statement.
Well, I think it is rude to bring your personal life into the office in a way that forces everyone to participate, so they get what they get. I would wear what ever, and when asked just say, “Oh, I don’t know, I’m hoping you have a happy, healthy surprise>”
I certainly didn’t read that anyone was being forced to participate. If you don’t believe in celebrating a “personal life” happiness in the work setting then don’t participate.
And I think that it’s rude to respond with more rudeness; take the high road.
That said, there is no indication that the woman in the office is being rude. One can choose to forgo participating in the birthday cake/baby shower/gender reveal. The woman is having a baby; congratulate her. Her celebration is not one that should be transformed into a teachable moment. Nor is there any indication that she needs to be educated on the finer points of gender identity. To paraphrase Freud, sometimes a party is just a party.
I can’t believe that people can make something so simple so complicated. We are PCing ourselves to death. Of course my saying this makes me “insensitive “.
I didn’t find out the sex of my kids ahead of time and I think gender reveal parties are odd, but that’s me. I’d participate, but if you feel a certain way then don’t. But refrain from making it some kind of lesson.
When D was pregnant I had a chat with my very liberal, politically correct S about gender reveal. Evidently, according to him, you can find out the sex of the baby but not the gender (since gender is fluid).
Not sure it is accurate or even generally accepted but that’s how it was explained to me.
But, op, I wouldn’t stress to much about a one day game…