<p>We do a lot all year long, so we don’t really make much change in the holiday season – just keep on doing! However, my son brought his instrument to the church caroling to elderly and shut-in members of the community and they went nuts for him. It was a very eye-opening experience for him in the concepts of bringing joy through other than money and making personal connections.</p>
<p>The woman who does my nails is a single mom. I took the opportunity of Holiday Gift Time to give her a cash gift. I should have enclosed it in a sealed gift card but wasn’t thinking that far ahead. So I just folded it up and gave it to her like a regular tip. By the time I got to my car, she had figured it out and was running out to give me a hug. Since I wasn’t doing it for the gratitude, I wish I’d handled it differently.</p>
<p>This thread makes me remember a time I really messed up: Some years ago I unexpectedly found myself joining a friend at a Christmas Eve church service. The friend was part of the service and I was just sitting in a back pew waiting for it all to be over because I really really don’t like church. (sorry - my bad) A very attractive and well dressed woman, also by herself, was sitting next to me and as the service ended asked me if this was my church and if they had any kind of toy drive and if so, if there might be something left. I said it wasn’t and I didn’t know but the priest must have something available and was really nice and she should just talk to him. She waited and waited to see if he would be free but finally gave up and left. I have no earthly idea why I didn’t just open my purse and give her some cash. Since my kids were in town for the holidays, I had just been to the bank and had plenty. It has haunted me ever since. I think it was for her kids. Though really, it doesn’t matter whose kids.</p>
<p>Someone up-thread mentioned paying it forward in the drive-thru line…my D works at a Chick-fil-a, usually at the drive-thru window. She said this occurs several times per shift, and that sometimes it becomes a chain. One person pays for the person behind them, then that person pays for the person behind them, on and on. :)</p>
<p>teriwitt,
I guess, my D. who has zero income and cannot afford to work because her school is taking ALL of her time (and it INCLUDES working in free clincis sometime), is NOT a needy person by any measure…because we are supporting her. What if ALL and everyone were supporting their family members who do not work and have no ability to work? Would we then have needy? It is not that our family can afford doing what we are doing, we just choose to do so. Most current needies have family, very few do not. Where these families for their own needies who need them the most. Those $10 and $20 from strangers do not satisfy their needs.</p>
<p>Miami- Your med school daughter is not needy. My son in law went through medical school and, guess what, he had to work whenever he could! You are just using this thread as an excuse to remind everyone that your daughter is in medical school and that you are paying for it. I assure you-we haven’t forgotten!</p>
<p>“Those $10 and $20 from strangers do not satisfy their needs.”</p>
<p>As someone who worked in the service industry for years and depended on the generosity of strangers…you are so, so, so wrong.</p>
<p>I really liked MOWC’s idea of giving something every day during Advent. Here’s mine for today: Miami, how very nice you can take care of med school for your daughter. How generous! How very proud your whole family must be of her. She sounds like a wonderful young woman. It is wonderful that you support her and then she works in the free clinics. You are helping others through helping her.</p>
<p>How about when we are the recipient of generosity? Recently while traveling/vacationing, husband and I were comped a meal at a very fancy foodie sort of restaurant. The waiter just told us at the end the owner was treating us. It made us quite uncomfortable. We are still a little worried about it.</p>
<p>I thought of this thread this morning. This past Saturday night, the town snow plow accidentally knocked down our mailbox along with some others. I reported it to the appropriate town officials. The Town Attorneys office said they’d send me Notice of Claim paperwork to fill out (ugh!-don’t want to sue!) but the Dept. of Public Works supervisor said they’d fix it. That’s all I wanted. Today, two guys showed up in a Town truck and did a beautiful job of digging everything out of the ground that needed to come up, replaced a two by four which was part of the structure, generally repaired the structure, installed a new actual mailbox on the post, got replacement house numbers, etc. It was really cold today when they were working. I gave them each $20 and they were extremely grateful and somewhat flabbergasted. Thanks for starting this thread!</p>
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<p>I posted about my nephew a few years ago. I have always sent generous checks to my sister’s kids - they grew up with nothing. One year my nephew returned my card unopened and sent me a Facebook message that said that because we didn’t have a close relationship, he didn’t want any more gifts from me. Hmm…quite odd. I was a bit hurt - he certainly could have told me the same thing in a nicer way.</p>
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<p>As predicted, you’re missing the point of the thread. It’s about extending a kindness to someone, in a creative way, that shows someone else is thinking about them. No one here is saying they neglect their own families to make a small, tiny difference in the life of another person. It doesn’t have to be either/or. I’m not needy, but it I was one of those recipients in a drive-through establishment where someone paid it forward, it would be very touching to me. And so what if those people have family; it’s not a condition of what all the other posters here are saying matters to them (but if they know of a particular hardship this person/family is facing, then all the better to reach out). And no one is claiming that whatever small gesture or amount of money they’re giving is going to change the recipients life forever. But if it makes them smile and puts an extra zing in their step for a few hours, then it’s totally worth it. </p>
<p>I suspect most of us here on CC are very generous, philanthropically. But some of us, at this time of the year, find it humbling to realize how fortunate we are, and wish to extend some small act of kindness to those who are less fortunate. </p>
<p>I have family members who put themselves through medical school (it does not mean their families neglected them and made them needy), and I doubt they would consider themselves needy; I’m pretty sure if given the chance, they would love to pick up someone’s coffee tab or some such similar gesture.</p>
<p>Only on CC can a thread about generous gestures turn controversial. Oy vey!</p>
<p>I actually belong to another online forum where a longterm member is having financial struggles (the regular long term kind exacerbated by a water heater gone awry) and we are attempting to make a collection (she is noticably shy and a bit reluctant) but even if a dozen of us gave $10-20 it might make a good dent.</p>
<p>I belong to another online forum for watching rescue kittens being fostered until they are old enough to be adopted out. Some posters on that forum are paying adoption fees for the kittens so others can adopt. And some are issuing clever challenges, such as “If this animal is adopted by <date>, I will donate $1000 to the shelter” and “If these two kittens, who we can all see are bonded, are adopted together, I will donate $1000 to the shelter.” With these challenges, two people can feel generous, the person who donates the money, and the person who adopts the rescue animal so that the donation takes place.</date></p>
<p>OK… I really wasn’t going to bring this up, but I think it’s a good example of how sometimes it’s just the gesture (and maybe a buck or two) that makes the difference. Another member on CC (who I do not know IRL) wanted to get a gift card for a family member for Christmas (who had requested this gift card), but this particular store was not in the giver’s area and the only way to get a gift card was for someone to physically go in a store, purchase it and send it to the giver (they are not available online). We have that particular store in our area, and I was going to be out, so I volunteered to pick up this gift card and send it to the giver, so that her family member would get what she wanted for Christmas. It didn’t cost me anything, other than a few minutes to run into the store to get the gift card, and a trip to the post office to mail it. That family member will probably laugh if she’s ever told how the giver managed to get the gift card - you know, how all our family members think we’re crazy for having all these invisible internet friends!</p>
<p>As someone who spent a couple of years having to watch-literally-every penny post-divorce, I can assure all of you that $10 made the difference between my eating or not (my kids got whatever I had first). $20 would have felt like winning the lottery.</p>
<p>Not everyone has family, not everyone has wealthy family, and not everyone has family willing to help. The church I work for gets 2 or 3 calls a week from people desperate to just have food, or heat, or water in their homes. And we are tapped out, as are many assistance programs.</p>
<p>As for my being the recipient of a kind gesture, years ago I was driving alone cross-country when I had serious car trouble. My ex had moved a week earlier and this was well before cell phones, ATM’s weren’t on every corner, etc. The car repair took every cent I had with me and I was coming up to a very long stretch of toll roads before I could even get to a place I could pick up money my ex (not my ex at the time) would wire me. A trucker heard me on the phone to him and handed me $20. He refused to give me his name and asked if I’d just help someone else out some day. Even if I think I am being scammed, I give women who ask for help at gas stations money. Because I was about to have to do that, for real, at one time when someone helped me.</p>
<p>Then again, how do you explain compassion, kindness, or sympathy? You either understand it or you are oblivious to it. </p>
<p>To those of you who understand.
Have a blessed holiday.</p>
<p>And to those of you who don’t. Maybe it’s time to read a bit of Charles Dickens.</p>
<p>PLEASE do not make me sorry that I started this thread. Maybe our generous gesture collectively could be to ignore posts that we find miss the point.</p>
<p>I try very hard to notice when a door is heavy, especially when someone has a baby in arms or is elderly, and make sure that I smile as I hold the door.
I have been letting others go first at the grocery when all they have is one or two things. (and I am typically impatient in lines) Just trying to keep the Holiday spirit.</p>
<p>Speaking of asking for money, I literally had to do that one day. After seeing ds getting on his flight, I walked back to the airport parking lot to my car only to find that I forgot to bring my purse. So no cash, no credit card, no id, nothing to pay for my parking fee. I then spotting the lady with whom I chatted briefly at the terminal while waiting for ds’ flight. I went over to her and explained my situation and asked if I could borrow $6.00. I said that I will send her the money but I would totally understand if she is not able to loan it to me. Frankly, I didn’t know what I would have done if she didn’t loan me the money but I didn’t want her to feel obligated. She immediately gave me the money, I took her name and address and got out of the parking lot. Of course, the minute I got home I rushed the money to the post office and mailed it to her immediately. She and I exchanged a few text messages and laughed about this wonderful experience. She said that she was at the right place at the right time so she can help me. This was such a generous gesture a total stranger did for someone - someone who is not needy except for that very moment. Isn’t this just the same with many “needy” people? They might just need to get out of a certain situation like I was inside of the parking lot. And the “small” gesture can literally make the world of difference to them.</p>
<p>I have a question, totally not being snarky, I am curious, I have always wondered:</p>
<p>When in line at the coffee place (my kid worked at one) and I pay for the person behind me & so on & so forth, how is that helping anyone except the last guy? Everyone in the drive through was prepared to pay for the coffee they ordered, they pay for the one behind instead, only the last guy, who chose not to pay for the car behind him, really makes out on the deal. Or am I missing something?</p>
<p>I am sure there must be something more to it than that, but I have always wondered. Am I just obtuse to the benefit?</p>
<p>I do make an effort, year round, to be a more kind driver than the one I was growing up in Southern California. I try not to be in too much of a hurry to allow people into the lane etc., especially from driveways or side streets.</p>
<p>We adopt two families every year and this year each of them had five Ds (same as us!). It was fun doing the shopping for girls of many ages and two of my Ds helped me with the shopping and wrapping. We also donated an amount that will purchase a Christmas dinner for those two families as well as five others through our local food bank. </p>
<p>Some of you know the health issues that one of my pups has had for the past couple of years, and the crazy amount that it has cost us. We know that we’re very fortunate to be able to afford the vet bills so we have donated to the Farley Foundation that helps subsidize others who aren’t so fortunate with their furry friends. We always make a donation to our local Humane Society at this time of year.</p>
<p>Like zoosermom, we do things throughout the year but these are our usual Christmas ‘gifts’. </p>
<p>I, too, never quite understand the ‘pay it forward’ at Starbucks. Although I do understand how it’s nice to buy a stranger his coffee, people buying coffee at Starbucks don’t strike me as being truly in need. I’d prefer to give that extra as a tip to the barrista behind the counter.</p>
<p>Oregon, since my dad passed away and my mom is out there alone, I have noticed elderly folks a lot more. I helped an older lady work the self-scanner at Target. (I think it probably made her feel better that I couldn’t get it to work right away either.)</p>