<p>So I decided to start prepping now and practice my writing for GA Tech. :</p>
<p>Prompt:
Georgia Tech Supplement (150 word limit)
Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech, and what do you hope to contribute to our community?</p>
<p>The interest in Georgia Tech that I crave as much as a Hershey’s chocolate bar is due to the hungry desire of transforming myself into a Computer Software Engineer.To be challenged beyond my comfort zone,to stretch my brain from the North Pole to the South pole, is what the trainer known as Mr.Yellow Jacket will put me through on a daily basis.To the community, my soul filled with drive to succeed will be poured onto the area.Sleepless nights,coffee mugs flooding the desk,alarm clocks blaring early in the morning, all for satisfactory work ethic. The urge to contribute to the rapidly technology-growing society we call modern days as the motherboard behind the works of the growth is what I aim to be.To ensure unity and teamwork among colleagues is what is a necessity for this human soul. To be one hell of an engineer on this planet earth. </p>
<p>(This is 149 words)</p>
<p>What do you think?</p>
<p>Edited: </p>
<p>The interest in Georgia Tech that I crave as much as a Hershey’s chocolate bar is due to the hungry desire of transforming myself into a Computer Software Engineer.To have myself involved in the Women in Engineering program that will push me out of my comfort zone,stretch my brain from the North Pole to the South, is what the trainer known as Mr.Yellow Jacket will put me through on a daily basis.To the community, my soul filled with drive to succeed will be poured onto the area.Sleepless nights,coffee mugs flooding the desk,alarm clocks blaring early in the morning, all for satisfactory work ethic. To be the running motherboard behind this rapidly-growing technology world we live in is what I desire to become.To ensure unity and teamwork among colleagues is what is a necessity for this human soul. To be one hell of an engineer.</p>
<p>Your sentence structures are really distracting. Try making them simpler. </p>
<p>First, read the warnings and suggestions about not putting your essay here, pinned at the top of the forum, for future reference.</p>
<p>Are you ESL? Some of your sentences are not actually complete. You must be grammatically correct in your final draft. “The interest” like you are a robot? Strange way to talk about yourself.</p>
<p>Try to avoid cliché phrases like “my comfort zone”. Wherever you use a phrase that is repeated many times many places, remove it and use your own words to make your content more honest and meaningful.</p>
<p>You use ‘soul’ twice in a short sentence. Try again for more meaningful word the second time.</p>
<p>I’m not sure about the Hershey bar and north pole stuff. Maybe ok but sorta cutesy.</p>