Getting Asperger's Son Ready

Parents Forum
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Many wise posts above!

I think bullying happens less in high school than middle school. Maybe others agree, maybe not, but that has been our experience.

Does he have a 504 plan?

I have a kid whose medical issues prevented going away from home during elementary, middle and most of high school (including sleepovers, and social life was impacted severely for many years). When it became apparent that she could, indeed, go to college, she went to a summer program in her area of interest, the summer before junior year. Perhaps the worry about spending a night away from home could be delayed for a year or two.

It sounds like helping him find “his people” in high school, whether in school or out, is really important. Interesting that people mentioned theater, band, chess and robotics. Those are all areas where many of us have seen kids on the spectrum thrive. High schoolers need a “home” within the school, whatever it is, and “tribe” of peers.

I wonder if a program like “National Outdoor Leadership School” would help. You can google it. Wilderness expeditions like that would certainly mean he would sleep while away!

A lot can happen in the next few years. And there are many ways to do college. Adult learner programs (which allow part-time and are not residential), extension and continuing ed programs, online programs, distance/residency programs (attend weekends, or attend 10 days per semester) and so on. There are also schools like like Lesley that have programs (Threshold?), Curry, New England College and of course Landmark is a great resource and has a program for transitioning, I believe.

I don’t know if there is a school relatively close but I know I ended up spending a lot of time on campus and even sleeping on floors when the medical stuff got bad. It can work out even with some challenges. It’s not like your support will drop off a cliff.

I think you are wise to start thinking about it but I also think it is possible you will worry less in a couple of years as he grows- as long as he matures and gets engaged in the world (without further bullying).

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i love this quote from above…" has made friends in the robotics club and the computer club. Nerds with meh social skills are very welcoming to other nerds with meh social skills."

My ASD son has gone away for summer camp, and during the year he was entering 8th grade he was bullied, so the next summer I sent him to a sleepaway camp that specialized in science and technology, and he did very well. they had someone on staff that dealt with kids on the spectrum and worked with my son. the following year he did go back for his final year at the original camp and did fine. During the school year he doesnt really do anything social. (only socialization is online ), despite trying over and over again . Only club is science olympiad, and is not that social there either. Last year i had him with a psychologist who has social groups, and i started to see some improvements.

Also when he was a freshman he went along on college tours with his sister, and that was a disaster. near the end we left him at the “office” with his phone. Now this summer, as he was entering his junior year, all of sudden a BIG change. First, he mentored younger kids at a computer science camp. The people running the camp had known my son as a camper, and that helped (by the way this camp has a sleep away option which might work for you. check out gamecamp.com) Then, with lots of support from his psychologist, and meetings with those running the program, he went to Israel with those who ran the Science and Technology camp he went to a few years ago. he was with like minded kids. Came home a different person. We did some college tours and he was also much improved and interested.

We are still not sure if he will go away, or stay close to home and are watching him closely. He still has no desire to do “normal” social activities. I have set a goal for him to attend homecoming this year . We shall see. Last year his goal was to attend just one high school sports game. (he did). he still stays away from all that social media stuff, and dont even get me started on personal Hygiene. Slow , baby steps.

But hang in there. We are finally seeing signs as he enters junior year, that he might just be able to get through this process and go away to college. If you had asked me 2 years ago, I would have been skeptical. We are going to look at RIT, but have not yet. We also have a state school that is 30 minutes away, where he could stay in the dorms, but be close to home if we needed.

So I get it. its so hard sometimes when your kid is “not like the others”, but they all have special talents, and usually those on the spectrum are the sweetest, most caring, kids.

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My 16-year-old nephew is on the spectrum and he spends a week each summer at Camp Barnabas in Missouri. I don’t know too much about it but my sister-in-law says each camper gets a one-on-one aide and they have swimming and sports and theme nights, etc. I think it may be run by a Christian organization. Anyway, it’s the highlight of his year and allows him to practice being away from home.

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Good of you to plan ahead. My son had been homeschooled through 8th grade, then entered a big public high school. No one bothered him there, but he didn’t make any friends or join any activities. He came home for lunch. (He had to get permission for that, but the alternative was wandering around the school and not eating because he couldn’t find a place he was comfortable in the crowded lunchroom). No problem with academics, though–he was a top student. When he was about to leave for college, I realized that he had never spent a single night away, alone, without a family member there. (He did go to a math camp at a college once in middle school, but his younger brother was with him at the camp. He did stay with his grandparents without us once, but siblings were there.) Every little step with S, I kept my fingers crossed. Fortunately, his older sister attended another college in the same city, and she was a senior when he was a freshman. Seeing her occasionally helped him make the transition, I think. He graduated with honors from his original OOS college in four years. In college he just went to class, did his homework. Didn’t make friends. It took him 9 mo. to find a full-time professional (software developer) job. He still has a long way to go socially and being fully independent, but he is on his way.

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@sdl0625

Six Points? Was your son there their first summer? My aspie son (it was my quote you liked) was, but it didn’t work for him. No reflection on the camp, the director or the staff. He just didn’t have the social skills and isn’t a ruach kind of kid. RIT is also on his list.

I guess they’re too old for us to arrange a play date. :wink:

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@millie210, yes Six Points their first summer. S had known Robbie from Coleman which helped. My son is not a ruach kid either, but he was ok. He was always the kid sitting in the back corner barely participating, but nevertheless, since routine with aspie kids is important, he knows that camp is part of it. To have him sit home all summer in front of the computer, is not an option. now that he is older we tried to work on getting a job, but that did not happen… He might attempt to CIT at six points next summer. i will say that their Israel trip , for him, was transformative. he came off the plane was willing to tour colleges!!! Which is a big deal.

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Wow! That’s great!

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Hi there. My S2 is now a senior. At freshman year I was convinced he could never go away to college, and was unsure he could even go.

He has changed a lot in the past 3 years. But he still struggles with getting things done without someone hounding him.

The first time he did sleep away was freshman year but went to same camp as his older brother. Before that he did day camp for 4 years. He went the last year to sleepaway by himself. We did get some calls about him, but they made it work.

Still not sure what happens next fall. A year is a long time.

The things I think to focus on are getting them ready to work independent of our nagging, and caring about the work product/grades. To me that is the bar for anything over community college. At this moment, am leaning toward a local school where he can live in a dorm. But we’ll see. It’s scary, just like when he was starting kindergarten. But like that, it’s one day at a time.

If you can, maybe there are day camps to start? Maybe a museum has a sleepover event? Any cousins? Or a friend with a senior mature enough to help try out a sleepover? Sometimes if you take the social pressure out of it and just look at it as a technical exercise they respond better.

Good luck. If you have questions, message me.

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Thanks for your suggestions. We have done day camps for a long time, it is the sleeping over that is the hurdle. I hired a “mentor” this summer who is about 20 and they did some outings during the day. Just to get away from us and do some activities. But he is returning to college. Maybe a friend with a senior if I can think of anyone but those kids are so busy!

If I were living in my hometown, I would have my friend’s older kids to help but I don’t and have few friends here. A technical exercise sounds like a good bet because sometimes they just accept things that are different.

My son gets his daily homework done fine but is unable to plan for anything longer term. I’m sure other parents have had this experience and maybe have insight about how to approach it.

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Planning work is hard, as the lack of this skill is common with Aspies. Any help at school, ie, executive functioning in an IEP? I have not found the answer to this one yet!

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Ditto here to @HRSMom .