<p>For those of you who give birthday gifts to young adults, like nieces and nephews in college, when do you stop giving them? I like to give gifts to try to maintain a connection but its frustrating to receive no notification or thanks. A thank you note would be ideal, but an email or even a facebook message with a quick thanks and to acknowledge receipt would seem easy to do in mere seconds. Thoughts?</p>
<p>I have many nieces and nephews and continue to give them birthday and Christmas gifts (cash or gift cards) while they are in college. I also send them cards right before finals and include a little cash. While I would love a thank you note, I don’t expect it. They always thank me when I see them. Once they are college graduates, they only receive cards, but they still always thank me. My daughter and son always write thank you notes to their grandmother and often (but not always) to their aunts and uncles.</p>
<p>I don’t remember the last time I received a birthday or Christmas present from a bio relative… probably not since early high school (we’re not close).
My parents’ close friends still give me Christmas presents (I’m 23) and they always get a thank you note. </p>
<p>Personally, I’d stop if they don’t even bother to thank you. Why put in the effort? </p>
<p>We haven’t exchanged birthday gifts for the kids in our family outside of Christmas since probably elementary school-- and we are close. We still do Christmas gifts since we get together for Christmas, but that starts to wane once they’re approaching 18. I’m 24 and haven’t gotten christmas gifts from anyone but my parents and grandparents in years, my sister is 20 and still gets them but probably won’t for long. And if you’re not present for the party, no gift. We send bday gifts to my young nieces and nephews, but they are elementary and middle schoolers.</p>
<p>It seems like you are throwing gifts into an unappreciative black hole rather than maintaining a connection if they don’t even say thank you.</p>
<p>I only have four nieces. They are all in their twenties and some are working. I always send birthday and holiday gifts and I sent a Starbucks card at Halloween and valentines day. Some are better at thank you notes than others. I will continue doing this at least through their twenties. I make an effort to see them and try to stay connected. Although it is one-sided at times, I hope to nurture them and I know that one day when they are older they will look back and appreciate it. </p>
<p>Btw. My sister (the mom of two of the girls) doesn’t believe in doing this. I am fine with that. To each his own. I enjoy it! </p>
<p>We did gifts for our two nieces (close to the same ages as our sons) until they were about 12.
I always put some thought into the gifts. My brother always forgot my sons’ b-days until his girls received gifts from us. I got sick of my kids getting late b-day gifts …as if their birthdays weren’t important enough to celebrate them on time. </p>
<p>It annoyed me so much that I called a halt to it. </p>
<p>I think it’s a kind gesture to keep it up until kids are on their own two feet. It can be hard and often people don’t share their financial hardships with others. If you can count on auntie to send you $20 for your BD when you are broke, you don’t know how beneficial that can be. And sometimes kids just don’t follow through with a thank you. I would keep it up until their done with college. My kid doesn’t have anyone who consistently does that for her and I know she would appreciate it if she did - even if she forgot a thank you note.</p>
<p>I try to remember thru when the kids are done with college. Sometimes I’m better at it than others. I see my sibs many times a year and when my kids were living at home often several times a month. We are pretty close. Some of my sibs are better about gifting than others. We are fine with it. </p>
<p>Some of the young folks are better at written thx than others. I don’t judge. </p>
<p>We still give cards and gifts for birthdays to the nieces and nephews. I always expect my kids to send a thank you note, altho these days it’s likely to be an email. Most of my nieces and nephews send thank you notes, but most of them live at home so they get reminders to do so. All my nieces and nephews are in their 20’s and I have wondered how long to keep this up. Since S1 is the oldest in his generation, I guess I’ll see when my in-laws quit sending him cards and gifts for his brthday to decide what to do with my nieces and nephews.</p>
<p>I believe in kindness and connection. I think sending simple cards/notes without gifts would be appreciated. Then again, I am a very big note writer and I always take the opportunity to show my appreciation with a note and to “lean in” with a small gift or note when times are rough. I agree that young people in their 20’s appreciate these small gestures.</p>
<p>I’ve kept giving Christmas presents to all of the adult kids, sent in one box to the family home. After 18 I’ve stopped most of the birthday gifts. Now that I think of it, the two nieces still receiving gifts (over 18) are those who write thank you notes.</p>
<p>I’m a bit hit and miss about gifting once kids are college age and beyond. I do try to gift up until then. </p>
<p>We gave to the few nieces on my side through high school. Dh’s numerous siblings decided to start a name drawing for Christmas for the kids under 18; there were about two dozen then. I can count on one hand the number of thank you notes we received from young relatives over the years; our kids were required to write them for every gift. </p>
<p>When the weddings began, I sent presents to all who invited us even though we couldn’t attend. Thank you notes only came from two nephews’ wives. I sent baby gifts to any who sent us announcements (email or snail mail) and again only heard from two new moms. I tried to keep current on everyone’s address through dh’s siblings, but too many cards were returned as undeliverable.</p>
<p>A few years ago, the same two nephews’ wives sent us photo cards of their kids during the holidays, after seeing Dh over the summer. I sent a family gift to each (special food treats, mainly) with a note saying how much we loved their photos. This past year, a third family sent us a card with photos and I did the same. Dh teased me about trying positive reinforcement, but since it began we’ve received several brief but newsy letters as well. </p>
<p>When we give our own kids gifts in person, they’re very expressive of their appreciation. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to get that it’s important to us to hear from them when we have a gift shipped to their homes. We’ve told them and they’re momentarily contrite but nothing changes. I’m not looking for anyone to gush over a present, just let me know they got it in good condition so I won’t worry about it being left on someone else’s front porch or being drenched in a downpour. If I ask about the gift later, the response is always, “Didn’t I email/text/call you? I thought I did. Sorry.” At least they’re very good about sending written thank you notes to everyone else.</p>
<p>I am appalled about what I hear from friend’s attending bridal showers and weddings. I’m hearing that people aren’t sending thank you notes. In my opinion, this is in poor taste. </p>
<p>SIlpat- I agree, I just want to know it arrived. Years ago the Grandma of a baby called to ask if I had sent a gift, I had, but it never arrived. Worse, UPS showed it being delivered, so someone must have stolen it from their front porch! I was so glad she had the guts to call me, but I cringe now when I send gifts and hear nothing. I just want to know you got it, heck a text, a Facebook message, anything, just tell me you got it!</p>
<p>The ones I struggle with are my brother’s step kids. I’ve met two of them one time. One is in his 20s and doesn’t really live with them most of the time. I am still sending Christmas presents and Birthday presents though. The second one will be 18 shortly, is graduating this year and plans to get a job and move out rather than attend college. The third one is only 9 (almost 10). Then they have two biological kids together- my blood niece and nephew who are 3 and 1. I will definitely keep treating the 9 year old like I do the biological kids. I’ve met him more times and my brother is raising him as his own. The other two kind of reject my brother. It’s way too complicated. I get behind on sending things and I hope I will get better with that now that I’m done with grad school. I went from having to keep track of just my brother’s birthday to having to keep track of 5, then 6, then 7 birthdays in just 3 years time! </p>
<p>We have lots of nieces and nephews. We decided as a family to stop giving birthday gifts at age 21. We give very generous high school, college and grad school gifts.</p>
<p>We mainly give monetary gifts for school milestones and stop physical gifts after HS. Too hard to know tastes. Sometimes, I will send a care package to a relative, especially in first year away from home. ;)</p>
<p>I stopped the four nephew’s gifts when the youngest turned 18. Kind of arbitrary, but it is what it is.
Now three of the boys have kids of their own. I only send gifts to the children of the one nephew who stays in touch with us through email, phone calls, or occasional visits. I don’t see any point in sending presents to children who have no idea who we are.
When the other nephews’ babies were very tiny, we did send gifts to the little ones, but didn’t receive any acknowledgements from the parents. Not so coincidentally, the one nephew who has stayed in touch also sends thank-you’s for gifts that we send to his kids. So I guess it’s not hard to see why we still find it a pleasure to send his family presents for birthdays and holidays.</p>
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Nephew got married; no thank you note yet (time is running out on the 1-year window etiquette allows) for gift. When/if they have a baby, they are getting a card only. Still gift nieces at birthdays and Christmas, because they send thank-you notes. Others who thought text messages were appropriate (and erratic at that) no longer get gifts. </p>