<p>We have been invited to our first Bat Mitzvah and have no idea what an appropriate gift would be. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Also, what kind of card goes with the gift? Congratulations? Something else?
Thanks!!!</p>
<p>When my kids were invited to friends’ bar/bat mitzvahs, we just gzve cash since we didn’t really know the recipients all that well. Being catholic, I’m not sure is this was viewed as being tacky or not, but we figured better for them to use the money as they saw fit than to give something they may not like at all. We were told that money should be given in an amount that is a multiple of 18 but not exactly sure why that is.
It may also depend upon what region of the country you live in. In the northeast almost everyone gives cash at weddings while in the south it’s primarily gifts from registries. Don’t know if the same holds true for Bar / Bat Mitzvahs.</p>
<p>You can find Bar Mitzvah/Bat Mitzvah cards and “money holders” at almost any store that sells cards. Of course, you can just use any generic card as well.</p>
<p>Money or gift certificates to the mall are usually most appreciated by the kids.
Multiples of 18 are customary, but you don’t have to follow it if 18 seems too little, and 36 too much for you. If this is a classmate from a school with many Jewish kids, you’ll have many Bar/Bat Mitzvahs to attend, so plan accordingly
;).</p>
<p>The traditional Bar Mitzvah gift is a check 
There are Bar Mitzvah specific cards. Depending on where you live, may be tough to find. Many synagogues have gift shops that will stock these. If you have enough time, you can order one on the 'net.</p>
<p>Multiples of 18 (from about.com):
The word for “life” in Hebrew is “chai.” The two Hebrew letters that make up the word “chai” are chet and yud. In Gematria (the numerical value of Hebrew letters), chai is equivalent to 8 and yud is equivalent to 10. So “chai”, chet and yud together, equals 18. Giving money in multiples of $18 is symbolic of giving “chai” or life. Many people give money in mulitiples of $18 as presents to someone celebrating a birth, a bar or bat mitzvah or a wedding.</p>
<p>Don’t feel obligated to give Chai multiples, most folks don’t</p>
<p>Don’t feel that you have to give a check if you aren’t comfortable with that (I know some families don’t particularly like to give money).</p>
<p>A gift certificate to a bookstore is always a nice gift, as is a nice book (if you know of a special interest of the child, all the better). For girls, jewelry is always a hit.</p>
<p>My daughters received a range of gifts…it really depends on how well you know the child and what you feel is an appropriate gift to give. They received items ranging from religous (Kiddush cups, Shabbat candle sticks, Chai charms, Tzdekah boxes) to jewelry to clothing to cd’s to books to gift cards/gift certificates to cash (checks). </p>
<p>The origin of the “multiples of 18” for cash/gift cards: the Hebrew numerics appear as letters. The symbol for 18 spells out “Chai”, which means life. Therefore…by giving 18, or multiples, you are symbolically wishing a good/long life.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this applies to other families…but in our family to promote the idea of and savings, checks (or cash) went in the girls savings account for college. They were obviously free to spend gift cards/certificates! To promote charity, some families have the children also take some of their gift money for charity…in our case, a good part of the reception revolved around charity…and since the girls were involved in that choice and contributed in that way, so we did not do that…but you should be aware so you can make an appropriate choice for yourself.</p>
<p>Enjoy the experience of attending your first Bar/Bat Mitzvah!</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions. I think a check for $36 would be appropriate for this child- we have never met her, but I know one of the parents- though not too well, actually we were surprised to receive the invitation. One other question: There are three events- the ceremony, a luncheon afterward and then a formal dinner. Are we expected to attend all three? I am not sure I can get my husband to devote a whole day especially since he has never met the child.</p>
<p>My son was just invited to his first bar mitzvah and I was puzzling over what to give. Thanks, guys!</p>
<p>Kayjo and dke,
Kayjo, with all due respect to the previous posters, what to give as a gift may well be driven by what part of the country we are talking about. We live in the New York area, and if my spouse and I were invited to AND ATTENDING both a luncheon reception and a formal dinner, we would be giving many multiples of what has been suggested here. $100 at a very minimum. (A Bar /Bat Mitzvah is considered to be a major life cycle event, not quite equivalent to a wedding, but not far off.) However, the fact that you say that you have never met the child and you only know only one of the parents “not too well” puzzles/troubles me. Why the invitation if not a “search for gifts” by the parents? If you only go to the ceremony and the luncheon, the $36 check might be appropriate. If you choose to attend a formal dinner reception, quite a bit more would really be more appropriate. It would really help to know what part of the country we are talking about.</p>
<p>dke, around these parts, if a child was invited to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah (without his parents) the basic minimum gift would be a $36 check or similar type amount in the form of a gift card.</p>
<p>In my opinion, it would be fine to attend the service and luncheon following and forgo the dinner reception…but not the other way around. Being part of the joy of the Bat Mitzvah service is most important thing. </p>
<p>Just one note…if you plan to attend they daytime events only, and in case the reply card does not have different places to reply for the different functions, please be clear that you will not attend the dinner. As the hostess. not only is it dishartening to know that you have paid for people who have not come, but it can make for awkward tables if there end up to be too few poeple at a table.</p>
<p>We’re talking about a small southern town. I don’t know that we have a very large Jewish population, a lot of people have been invited and it will be the first Bat Mitzvah for most of us. Actually the ceremony is in another state- about a 30 minute drive- where the closest synagogue is. That is the reason I asked if it was expected that we attend all three events. Keep the advice coming!</p>
<p>Kayjo,
If you were close with the family I would say that it would absolutely be proper to attend all three events. Oftentimes the luncheon reception will be held in the same building as the ceremony, so that shouldn’t be too much of an imposition. Is that the case here? And I agree that in this circumstance it would be perfectly acceptable to skip the dinner reception. Generally, a reply card will have spaces to check off which events you plan to attend. If that’s not the case here, please do follow Icesk8mom’s advice and write a brief note on the reply card that you will be unable to attend the evening reception.</p>
<p>If you feel uncomfortable giving cash, jewelry is always a good bet. I’m 19 and I still wear a lot of the jewelry I received from my bat mitzvah! I also received a nice jewelry box, which was a good gift… because so many other people gave me jewelry.</p>
<p>Gift cards are always a good idea – every 13-year-old is happy to receive money to Borders or Amazon, for example.</p>
<p>If you are giving cash or gift cards, I wouldn’t say that $100 is the “minimum” gift amount if you are attending all three events – I’m sure that varies by region, and how close you are to the family. It certainly wasn’t the case at my Bat Mitzvah!</p>
<p>I have a friend with 3 children who have now all had their bat/bar Mitzvahs. We attended evening reception for all, but not the service each time. We too are in a southern town with a small Jewish population and the synagogue is very small–not seating near the number invited. Maybe it wasn’t proper, but we felt like we should leave space for the child’s friends and relatives. We gave checks (didn’t know about the 18 multiples) and my friend had each of her children pick a charitable cause and donate 1/2 of cash received to the charity/fund.</p>
<p>Just saw ilovebrown’s post and in our area, people seemed to give amounts more like they would give to children’s classmates at graduation–which in our area is more in range of 25-50 dollars.</p>
<p>My d also wears a lot of the jewelry got on becoming a Bat Mitzvah, including some she didn’t like when she was 13. If you want to give something with a “Jewish flavor”, since it is a religious event, you can try <a href=“http://www.jewishsource.com%5B/url%5D”>www.jewishsource.com</a> which has both a Bar/Bat Mitzvah area and a Jewelry area.</p>
<p>Otherwise, anything that is appropriate for a 13 year old girl is good. You can simply make it a “little nicer” than you would give in a normal birthday present. Maybe on the level that you would give to a Sweet Sixteen.</p>
<p>If you have any questions about the ceremony or what to expect, please let me know and I’ll try to explain.</p>
<p>Another question: If I write a note in a nice blank card- I am pretty sure I can’t find a Bat Mitzvah card at my local Hallmark store- what is the appropriate message? Is it congratulations on your Bat Mitzvah?.. becoming a Bat Mitzvah?.. being Bat Mitzvahed? I really want to get it right. Also, at the ceremony is there anything you think I need to know beforehand- appropriate responses to prayers, etc…
THANKS</p>
<p>Here’s some Hallmark messages to give you some ideas: <a href=“Hallmark Newsroom for Journalists | Hallmark Corporate Information”>Hallmark Newsroom for Journalists | Hallmark Corporate Information;
<p>Kayjo-
A Jewish girl becomes a Bat Mitzvah simply by reaching a certain age, with or without any kind of ceremony. The most important part of the activities associated with this is the Bat Mitzvah girl’s participation in the synagogue services, a “privilege” the child is accorded in recognition of the fact that she can now be viewed as a Jewish adult. Participating in the service often is the culmination of a significant amount of studying, and represents an important accomplishment for the Bat Mitzvah. The party part, which has been made so much of in American culture, is just a fun way to celebrate. Customs re:gift giving vary tremendously from synagogue to synagogue, let alone among regions of the country, so choose either an amount of money with which you’re comfortable or any kind of item you think this particular 13 year old would appreciate. But you really don’t need to get too hung up on the gift. BTW, the traditional message on cards for Bat/Bar Mitzvah kids is “Mazel tov!”, which is kind of the Jewish version of “congratulations”.</p>
<p>“becoming a Bat Mitzvah” is the correct phrase…either Mazel Tov or Congratulations would be fine…</p>