This. A thousand per cent.
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This is a fascinating thread.
My parents tried to be very equal in how much money they provided to my sibling and I. They paid for my brotherâs law school, and according to them, they were happy to do so bc he went to CC and worked for a year and earned so many credits in one yearâs time (and saved so much money) that they didnât have much to pay for his UG junior and senior years when he transferred.
Whereas I went directly to college (with nice scholarships) but pledged a sorority which (in hindsight) led to greater financial costs that my parents absorbed. I went to grad school and they didnât pay for it, nor did I expect them to do so (plus I was married by then and had stipends and tuition covered).
I still think that if anything my sibling may feel I got the better deal financially bc he had to stay home for a year and work hard whereas I did not. (I do recall they paid for him to do study abroad one summer which back then was much less common.)
Adding:
Yesterday in the mail, my 56 year old DH received a card and cash from my in-laws in the context of âWe hope this mad money helps you deal with the surgery you had last week by buying smthg fun for yourselfâ.
DH and I chuckled. Iâm like that seems so odd to me for them to give you cash after an outpatient dermatology procedure.
But then, knowing how much my in-laws always tell me âwe always make sure everyone gets the sameâ, I wondered if one of DHâs siblings recently received similar card/cash for smthg (medical or not)âŠ.bc well, it just seemed sooo peculiar for him to get money in the mail like this. 
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What the recipient is not free to do is pass on the gift to another recipient in order to circumvent the annual unreported gift limit. Will it be caught? Unlikely. Is it illegal? Yes.
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At least you open your mail!! I am not convinced that my kids go to their mailbox often (one gets it delivered to the house but the other is currently in an apt) and if they do, that they open their mail!! So much is on line they may assume its junk! They do recognize my handwritings to hopefully those get opened!! But Iâd be scared to send money, particularly cash, in the mail these days, for a variety of reasons
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So true. Many people donât check their mail often at all. So odd to me.
Note: Yes, my in-laws put the cash in a cardâŠbut they also then placed the card in a priority mail box with tracking.
I should have included that important detail in my post. 
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One year my kid told me that all they wanted for their birthday was a card in the mail. How a card and mailing it was so much better than anything else.
So I did. Took them a week to check their mail.
Anytime I send anything I also text now to tell them to get their mail.
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This is mostly about wills but also about gifts:
https://wapo.st/4fYdsji
Note that it mentions that unequal gifts can be justified in the context of physical or mental challenges, which is our familyâs situation, apart from dramatic differences in income:
Hereâs what one reader thought was fair: âIf parents choose to help their financially less successful children they should consider it a loan or an advance on their inheritance. Money is not love, but unfairness builds resentment.â
She emphasized, though, that this did not include siblings who are physically or mentally disabled.
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We are loaning ds#2 some $ for his large down payment on a home. But the mortgage company is not wanting him to have Any other debt sooooâŠâŠ now itâs listed as a large gift!
Thatâs ehat I did too. Lots of tax consequences, but the kids, baby and dog like being home owners
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Thinking after they close we may be able to convert it back to a loan? Depends on what the mortgage company reports I guess
Adult kid cash gifts can be even more complicated when you have step-siblings and half-siblings.
There certainly isnât a one size fits all answer.
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Like what? We gave a kid money to help with the down payment. Absolutely no tax consequences for us or the kid. It was a gift and we did have to complete the form whatever number it is because the amount was over the amount both DH and I together could gift annually.
BUT zero tax consequence unless we give more than a LOT before we die.
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I suspect the tax consequences are cashing out stocks, etc. and paying capital gains.
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We did that with D3 when she bought her first home. After the sale we recorded a note and we were paid back when they sold out of the escrow proceeds. We recorded it at that time since they werenât married and we wanted to make sure we protected.
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Weâve been giving unevenly for many many years. We give as needed and for special occasions. Other than that, we mostly gift medically disabled loved one.
I admit, initially we tried to gift both kids when medically disabled kid needed money but the other kid just wouldnât cash the checks.
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Iâve only read up to here in this thread. But I have to say that I totally agree with the above. Thatâs how it worked with my dad, who had three kids (me and my two younger brothers) and whose âfavoriteâ child position rotated between the three of us. I have one child and my late younger brother had three. None were married or had kids when Grandpa died. I was the favorite child when my dad died so I was executor and trustee. I followed the will and trust to the letter (older brother had been written out of dadâs will and trust) but tried to find ways to make it up to that brother, as did younger brother, who passed away before assets were distributed.
That brother had no willâdefinitely not recommended!
My brothers and I had lots of âfamily baggageâ (good term, @youdon_tsay!) and our resentments with Daddy and one another were definitely weighed down by our dadâs ever-changing favoritism.
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I agree with that, too, @oldmom4896 and @Youdon_tsay. My dad was always letting us know that he was changing his will for various control reasons. It got tiresome. About ten years ago, when my brother was visiting and we were together with my dad, he started hinting again that he was going to adjust his will. For some reason, I just started laughing uncontrollably. When I could catch my breath, I said, âDad, (brother) and I hope you spend it all and die with a dollar. Youâve earned it and we donât need it. And, no matter how you apportion it, (brother) and I have agreed to equally split anything left. Iâm sorry, but I guess I find trying to control beyond the grave hilarious.â That took away his power, and itâs never come up again.
Of course, we may find that he leaves it all to someoneâs cat rather than his ungrateful children, but itâs his money to do with as he pleases. We have no right to it, and he has no obligation to bequeath it to us. 
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My parents gave equally to all of us, except giving a bit more to my sister who was single into her early 40s whom they were worried about. Everyone was and is fine with it. They tried never to play favorites.
My SisIL also gave equally to both of her surviving brothers.
I was hit with lots of capital gains. My portion of what I paid to Medicare went up significantly. My taxes for following year were much higher. This was legally a gift. My son has offered to repay me, but not necessary. Living in Silicon Valley, it would have taken years before he could purchase.
It is a very modest home. They had lost out on several homes before. His company was offering a 2+ interest.
That is my story. My parents always gave more to my sister, who had health issues. Always fine with me.
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