<p>Does anyone else find gift shopping more difficult as your children get older? Do you have one who wants/could use everything and another who wants nothing? If so, what do you do for the one who doesn’t seem to want anything? If any of your children have married, do you find it hard to shop for their spouse? Do you give only joint presents?</p>
<p>Aside from your own financial constraints, does anything else influence how much you spend and how you allocate your gift budget?</p>
<p>There was a time when I had all of my gift shopping done by early November (birthdays, Christmas, Epiphany.) I just started today, online. We don’t know yet if we’ll have any family here for Christmas, but we are going to see our kids before then so I need to get on with my shopping.</p>
<p>It is hard. I often use the SO to tell me what my child wants/needs. Unfortunately one of my sons doesn’t have an SO, so I usually have to guess.</p>
<p>Yes, we just experienced this with our kids. D recently got her college degree and has no job and little savings. She lives in a small room near campus that she hopes to move from in the near future. There is a lot up in the air for her. We took her shopping when we visited her and bought her new slippers, new warm jacket and new leather shoes with rubber soles. I also bought her a new warm vest (she is freezing and never wears enough clothing or layers enough), and new isotoner gloves she can use with her touch screens.</p>
<p>S has had a full-time job as well as a part time job for over a year and makes very good money. He has a lovely VA condo that he rents, has a nice car, no debt, lovely furnishings, all the tech he wants, nice clothes (and difficult to fit and buy clothing for), and otherwise just a challenge. He has requested some art for his walls, but is very particular and it’s probably better if he helps choose it. He recently used some of his miles to buy D a plane ticket so she could accompany us on our trip to Chicago and VA/DC (where we visited S).</p>
<p>I tend to buy those near and dear based on what I perceive that they need and might not get for themselves. For S, since he can buy pretty much whatever he wants, I always have more difficulty. It was fun shopping with the kids and telling D that I really just wanted to buy her a nice, warm vest that she liked. She loves it and it looks good on her, but it was MUCH more than she would have spent at $125 (we told her it was a BDay gift).</p>
<p>H and I aren’t so much into gifts for each other, but encourage one another to buy what we like and want, without guilt. We also spend more on travel and food, since we enjoy it, especially when we are able to share it with our kids. ;)</p>
<p>At this time, our kids don’t have SOs, so it isn’t yet an issue. I’m sure the addition of SOs adds new complications to the issue.</p>
<p>My B & sis-in-law bring along the GF of my older nephew when they travel. She went on a medical mission with them to the Virgin Islands, Harry Potter World and will be going to Japan as well. She is a dear and they’ve been dating for 7 years now. She’s the only SO in that family.</p>
<p>My D and her H have appreciated the photo books I do for them through an online service. I did one of her growing up and then one for each of their dating years. They send me the photos they have and I do the layout, etc. online. I have more time for this than they do and have some experience in layout. Plus it is fun for me to do! They used these books for display/guest books at their wedding. I am now preparing a wedding (photos and text) book for them.</p>
<p>This is ALL they want from us, they have made clear. They have all they need and want to be minimalist re stuff in their home. I am glad as it simplifies things all around. I am at the point in my life where I am trying to declutter, and accumulating more stuff gives me more stress than pleasure.</p>
<p>My son is younger, but has a job in his field and relatively low expenses so does not need or want anything he could not obtain for himself. In the past I would give him a gift certificate for a special date event to be used with his girlfriend (nice restaurant, outing to a special regional attraction, etc.)</p>
<p>At holidays, we want to just focus on being together and doing things together. My family of origin went in this direction once the kids became young adults.</p>
<p>Once I have grandkids I imagine things may be somewhat different.</p>
<p>My mom and I do black friday shopping together. We basically throw what we want in each other’s carts and then pretend to be surprised on Christmas. It works well for us lol. We don’t have a lot of money so Christmases are never very big- but they’re a lot of fun and we legitimately like spending time together so that’s what’s more important.
She buys things for my fiance- and did well before we got engaged. But we’ve lived together for a while so she tends to buy us house things… which is nice because she knows I hate spending money.</p>
<p>My family does really practical gifts (pots & pans, socks, sheets, etc). My fiance’s family does “fun” gifts (which generally just take up space and are never used).</p>
<p>Both of our kids will be here for Christmas…for the first time since 2009. We can’t wait! They are both getting little, useful gifts…and money or gift cards. Unless we get a specific letter to Santa, we use our imaginations! </p>
<p>This year we might have a SO for part of the holiday time too. I’m not sure what to do about that as the relationship is only six months old. Any suggestions (a guy…self supporting with his own place).</p>
<p>^^Hi again Thumper! (different day, different thread!)</p>
<p>FOOD! Either a gift basket of food or a few gourmet bottles of bbq sauce, salad dressings, etc., or movie tickets with large boxes of candy wrapped together…</p>
<p>Food always works and it’s not a personal gift for someone you don’t know well enough yet.
Or tickets to see a sports game or some sort of show/performance…
Or a nice pair of black leather gloves for the winter weather…</p>
<p>Caution about breakables and food that needs to go thru airlines, especially if the kids are flying in and back and like only hand carries. That is something our S strongly prefers, so we try to never give him breakables. I know I don’t enjoy packing breakables when I travel–it’s a source of stress to me and I try not to impose it on others.</p>
<p>One thing I did this year for a lot of folks was make pillow cases out of fabrics that I think will remind the recipients of Hawaii and/or me. It gets tougher to buy THINGS for folks as they acquire more and try not to clutter and accumulate. Not sure what to get my BIL’s two kids. They’re in their early 20s–may give them money, as that is always the right size and fits, but not very personal. One sis-in-law resorts to giving everyone cash–she hates shopping for gifts.</p>
<p>We always get the “don’t buy me clothes” line from our oldest who has a good job and a comfortable salary. Things we have found we can buy…a Starbucks card (even though he is a big city boy who doesn’t frequent Starbucks), socks (cool patterns),and most importantly, really nice books. He loves those expensive books that cover his interests but are a luxury…coffee table stuff you keep for a long time.</p>
<p>I find it almost impossible to buy for kids, H and any SO’s.</p>
<p>S does not want anything and often does not use anything bought for him other than a video game. Usually get him work clothes because he hates to shop and does wear out his work pants and shirts. Otherwise, another tie? How BORING!</p>
<p>D1 earns more money at 25 unless your are Swift, Gaga or Lawrence. Haha. Seriously, there is nothing, short of a beach house in the Hamptons or Cape Cod that we can buy her that she cannot afford. To find little esoteric things is very difficult, especially that I live in a very small unhip city in the boonies.</p>
<p>D2 could probably use many things except that she is in transition, meaning that she is still living home trying to find a way out. Hard to buy for a future not yet happened.</p>
<p>We totally rely on our kids about SO’s. None have yet become in-laws. Close, but no bananas!</p>
<p>So I have no idea what to buy. Quite frankly, I love to give interesting or exciting gifts, does not have to be expensive ones. I use to be able to do this. I am fresh out of ideas!</p>
<p>S likes lovely coffee table books–while we were there, he bought one about HI–for $1 at the local library who had it for sale. It looks brand new & has gorgeous photos!</p>
<p>Older son is impossible. What I’d really like to get him is a maid. He needs someone to come once a week to scrub toilets and vacuum. He’s got more cash on hand than we do at this point and his wants are few - video games, kindle books, occasionally a board game. We have been known to give him clothes since he doesn’t like shopping.</p>
<p>Younger son is always happy to give us a long list, I think he starts compiling them right after each birthday or holiday!</p>
<p>Mine haven’t changed since they were babes. Oldest D always has a fairly well thought out list, complete these days with links to the websites where the treasures can be purchased.
Younger son has always said he’d rather have cash- even when he was little. Each year he says he’ll give it some thought. Then about two weeks before Christmas he admits defeat and says he really can’t think of anything he needs, although he’s saving for “fill in the blank.” The thing is, they both get some cash anyway. I just like to have something under the tree, so I will usually just make a guess and keep receipts in case I’m way off base.
This year my son has a wife, so I’m hoping she will be able to help out with ideas. I know there are things she’d like for their place, so maybe that will be my answer.</p>
<p>This really strikes a chord with me today! I haven’t seen my eldest son for 4 1/2 years and am thrilled that he and his SO (whom I have never met) will be here for Christmas. His younger sister will be home from grad school too. S works for a major company in the Pacific NW and makes a good salary, always says that he “has no money” but takes himself off on heavy metal cruises (who knew there were such trips??) and the two of them attend events with her family who live in CA or in the desert SW. She is involved in local theatrical and alternative theatre groups and confines her shopping to thrift stores for pretty much everything. Need I say that I have no earthly idea what to get either of them?! She has said that he likes “stylish man-jackets”, which she clarified as “not a suit jacket” and “trendier than a windbreaker”. WHAT does that mean- a pea coat? Or something Calvin Klein or Tommy Hilfiger? A Kindle Paperwhite was a possibility too, for him, because she “only reads ‘real paper books’”. What in the world can I get for her? They are 34 and 37 and have a 4-5 hour flight to get home (but thanks to SW Airlines, can bring bags!).
My D has helped by telling me that she wanted a certain kind of boots and a specific type of clutch and I’ve already bought moccasins for everyone because I don’t want them tramping through my new house in their shoes!!
Money is tight this year because I bought a home and blew out my knee, in rapid succession.</p>
<p>Haha! ^^^ I love the way we’re supposed to know what a “stylish man-jacket” is?</p>
<p>I’d probably start with the salespeople (and websites) at J.Crew and Banana Republic, but remember that living in the Northwest, you want whatever it is to be warm. You might even consider North Face or Patagonia.
The SO will be a challenge, but I’d suggest you call your son sometime when she isn’t around and insist that he give you some ideas. At the very least, get her sizes so you have a hope of finding something that will fit. And shop at large chains and save the receipts. That’s about the best we can do. You did get one piece of information: She likes books! That might be a good place to start.
I’m so happy for you that you’ll be together after 4 1/2 years!</p>
<p>Nice, moonchild! I did ask my son, who went as far as to tell me that she had a leather jacket that “was either red…or black”. He’s one of those genius IQs who can’t remember what he had for lunch! Turns out her jackets were brown and green, and she buys everything at a thrift shop chain called “Value Village”. I was thinking of Land’s End or LL Bean, maybe? We are really cold here and will no doubt have snow when they’re here, but those squall-type jackets might fit the bill, or maybe some fleece? I will definitely head to Banana Republic and check out the “man jackets”!! Thanks!</p>
<p>My experience is that young women who shop at thrift stores are often more fashion conscious, not less, than your average person. They are able to put things together in a really cute way that would be hard to duplicate. They are able to spot the well made but gently used garment and would prefer that over a cheaper new piece. Perhaps something besides clothes would be the best bet for her- or a really nice accessory, like a beautiful scarf or gloves.
It sounds like your son will like whatever you pick out for him- but the key will be, does she like it, too? I found that my son’s style changed a lot when he and his now wife were living together. He’s a much more trendy dresser now, and he was very basic - almost boringly so- before.</p>
<p>Shopping done. I don’t know if son and his SO will like it, but got them both the Brookstone blue ray keyboard (plugs into phone and projects full-size keyboard). Got the Sand and sandbox there too. (these are going to some little boys too)</p>
<p>GapBody for PJs</p>
<p>BR for sweaters . Irish-like white sweater for her, pale grey for him. Long sleeve Ts. socks</p>
<p>SO likes kitchen stuff, and Costco has many. I wrapped the mini chopper, but will suggest she chose what she likes and have crockpot/chopper/whatever delivered to her apartment.</p>
<p>Costco had full set of R Dahl books, which will go to a bright elementary school boy. </p>
<p>This is the first time SO will be here for Hanukah, and she’ll get to meet some of the little and big cousins. She’ll also get to chose one gift to open each night, not knowing if the little package contains earrings or a pair of socks.</p>
(different day, different thread!)</p>
I found that my son’s style changed a lot when he and his now wife were living together. He’s a much more trendy dresser now, and he was very basic - almost boringly so- before.</p>