Gifts for the new foster parents

Parent Cafe
1

I have a friend who just finished the qualification process for foster parenting. She and her husband got a call late last night to pick up a month-old baby to foster. The child is probably just a temporary placement (the parental rights have not been terminated) - but who knows? My friend is really hoping to eventually adopt a foster child, whether or not this particular placement works out that way.

Anyway, a group of her friends is trying to come up with a great gift idea. The foster parents here do not have children of their own, but they do have a lot of the baby necessities already on hand (part of the qualification process.)

In the past, I’ve given baby books and baby clothes to new parents, but in this case - would that still be a good idea, especially if the child doesn’t stay with them for long? I want to be thoughtful about this. If I got them baby books/clothes would those gifts be a painful reminder if/when they have to give the baby back?

Help! Is anyone out there a foster parent?

2

I am not a foster parent, though a close relative bumps up against this a little bit as an attorney. I can tell you more in a PM if you want to know more.

I think giving books, toys, or consumables like diapers is a nice gesture. Your friend will likely either keep this kid long term or get other calls for other kids (maybe both!)

Some of these kids will come with nothing and may go back to situations where they will likely continue to have nothing.

It would be a kind gesture to these kids if the foster parent had something to send along with them when they leave, whether that be a book or a stuffed animal or something they can call their own.

3

Meals, food, help with logistics etc are fabulous… I think it is fraught with pitfalls to act like this baby will stay, if the parental rights get terminated the baby would be adopted to a family already cleared for that. A family I knew set up for the fostering process and took one child for one weekend and that was it. No more fostering. Look after your friends, but don’t focus on the baby bit.

4

In the past I have bought and given suitcases or duffle bags. Many older foster children only have trash bags to take their possessions from home to home. Thrift stores and Goodwill usually have them.

5

@scout59
^^^^^Yep. This works great. What I did was backpacks (lands end. eddie bauer) with the child’s first name or initials if they are older so the “bag” backpack or duffle is “theirs” to leave with them when they leave. It is also hard to take a bag that doesn’t have your name on it.

Backpack for a little one can easily hold books with their names on them on a bookplate (barnes and noble, amazon) or an inscription. A plush toy that can go in the wash, that they can take with them, a blanket with their name…basically anything that makes them feel special, now and later. And pictures that can travel in a small little album both for their little hands and for the respective homes they end up in. Doesn’t seem like a big deal but it is and becomes more so as they grow older.

A special pillowcase also makes a difference. Small and portable but something they see, touch and feel everyday. Yes diapers would be appreciated but remember they grow quickly, so check to make sure you get the right size for now and later.

And depending on where they live the climate can play a role. Most don’t think to buy coats and jackets of different sizes ahead of time, and they can be quite costly. But it is going into summer so they are much cheaper right now and for the next couple of months on Amazon, Sears, Lands End, Old Navy. I bought sizes 12 months through 5T (boys and girls) for $3.97 at Sears for 3 in 1 jackets a few weeks ago reg. $49.99 for just this purpose. 4 through 10 were $6.97. Lands End offer embroidery but it is then hard to re-use the coat for another child.

Pricey items that stay with the parents are a good idea as long as they have not purchased already. And toys, all ages appreciate but it doesn’t have to be expensive to be loved. Tables and chairs to color and play at, Lincoln Logs, Melissa and Doug toys, a soft baby doll, American doll look-a-likes (nice ones at Kmart), baby toys that can be washed, and age-dependent toys. Ross Dress for Less, Ollie’s, TJ Maxx, Marshalls all have nice toys for much less than Amazon and Target- many times the same toy.

Also I always purchase a Christmas stocking with the child’s name. Something that will be with them no matter whether they stay or go. Lands End and Penney’s you can order and EBay if you search the child’s name + Pottery Barn.

Of course clothing will always be used and appreciated. Just remember they won’t be in it long and certain brands last longer than others. Socks and underwear are also now pricier then they used to be, same with shoes. But if you take the time to look there are great deals even at Amazon. Little girls PINK cowboy boots Stride Rite were under $6 in December and made some little girls squeal Christmas morning. There were a lot of girls!

Hope this helps!

Kat

6

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions! I feel like we’re walking a fine line between “we’re so happy for you and the baby” and “what happens if/when the baby leaves”? I don’t want to ignore the child at the center of this but I don’t want to unintentionally hurt my friend if something happens.

That’s one reason why I like the idea of something the child could take with her (like a stocking or a baby blanket with the child’s name on it.) Great ideas!

7

I have a good friend who fosters. Foster parents will get a call at anytime (sometimes in the middle of the night) seeking placements for one or more children, girls and/or boys, all ages. She’s had children for a few days to months. One thing they all tend to have in common is that they don’t come with much. The duffle/backpack idea is great idea, especially with a small gift inside. Anything that can be personalized sounds like a nice gift - something the child can take with them and keep for their own. Clothes seem to be a great need as they often don’t come with much and only come with enough credit for two cheap outfits.

I would give the new parents a gift card to use for necessities plus a backpack with a book and toy for the baby.

8

I would say “congrats on passing the qualifications and thank you for helping our world!”

Enclose a massage gift certificate for the mom. “You’ve earned it”

9

I would treat this like the joyful time it is. Foster parents need to love them while they have them.

Things they can use now - summer sun hats or a little sun cabana - are nice, or things the baby can take along like books, blankets, a pillow. I’d give receiving blankets because that was one thing I didn’t get when my daughter was born, and because I sew them and have a whole pile of them waiting for babies to be born!