<p>So, anyone here concerned about the possibility of the girl/boy friend going to the same college next year? I know, relationships don’t last, but it’s a lot easier when they’re at different schools (older S’s didn’t make it to Thanksgiving). These two have been together for over a year. We’ve talked about it a lot here at home, as I know her family has too. Their interests are the same but they need to branch out, and I’m hoping I can convince him of that! How is anyone else handling this, or even concerned?</p>
<p>I was very concerned re my niece and BF, who had been joined at the hip since age 15/16 (I thought my brother allowed a lot more “proximity” than i would have). They went off to same college, worrying me even more. I loved her BF (and actually miss him; he had become like part of the family), but felt, like you do, that pairing off that early is a recipe for disaster.</p>
<p>It worked itself out, as she had a new BF within the first year. She and first BF remain friends, altho I think he may still pine for the old. I don’t know that you can do anything productive - except cross fingers? Sounds like S knows your concerns and probably understands them deep down.</p>
<p>My longterm GF joined me at college after 2 years finishing HS. We lasted about 2 semesters (after 5 years together). That was 30 years ago. We met again this year. It’s interesting learning to be friends again after 30 years of no contact. People grow. Sometimes they grow closer, sometimes they grow apart.</p>
<p>I’ve been dating my boyfriend since June 4, 2000… so almost 5 years. We didn’t go to the same college… but that’s just to show that some high school relationships do last ;)</p>
<p>My HS girlfriend and I went to different colleges in different states. We continued to see each other off and on, but - after two years - decided to get married. We were going to wait until we were both graduated, but since I was in a five year program and she was graduating in three years, we decided to marry when SHE graduated. As it turned out, she arranged her student teaching in the same city where my co-op job was and we married before either of us graduated. We were married for five years.</p>
<p>So, a HS relationship can last, even in two different schools.</p>
<p>Funny you should bring this up. A friend of mine told me last week that her S has changed his mind about his first choice college. Because new gf is planning to stay local and attend the state U there, he has decided he should do the same. He’s been accepted to study engineering at a tech U elsewhere in the state. Mom keeps hinting to him that college careers often last longer than gf’s and that he shouldn’t change his plans now [and attend a lesser univ.] just to accommodate a girl who might not even be around for him next fall. She says her hints are falling on deaf ears. S is convinced that this is “true love,” even though gf was his best friend’s gf just over a month ago.</p>
<p>I told my D no way the same school. He is waiting to see if he gets into same school as she does. I told my D I would not pay for her to go to same school, so tell him not to go to her first choice!</p>
<p>Just to give a different perspective here, sometimes it’s better if they ARE at the same school. Chances are that the relationship won’t last anyway, the vast majority don’t. However, the kids we know who have been in this situation handled it much better than those who were at schools far apart. There is also the issue of having a b/f or g/f far away and neither of them gets involved and enjoyes college life the way they should because their significant other is so far away. If together, they’re more likely to do things and meet other people, etc. I don’t think there’s an ideal solution to this situation. Also, although I would strongly recommend against a kid changing their plans to accomodate a new g/f or b/f, I also think that the threat not to pay for their college education is a pointless one.</p>
<p>I transfered to bf’s school when he was a sophomore and I a junior. Twenty-seven years and two kids later…</p>
<p>A couple of years ago, I had the same concerns, but my D and her b/f ended up at the same university, and they’ve managed to make it work. There are some real advantages to having a g/f or b/f on the same campus. It isn’t as lonely, and it is nice to have a companion during the off-times, e.g. weekends, campus events, meal times, birthdays & holidays away from home, etc. Being on the same campus has provided them with mutual support, even though they have both established friendships, work-related peers, and academic contacts outside of their personal relationship.</p>
<p>As freshmen, they lived at different colleges in co-ed dorms, so there were plenty of opportunities to make new friends and experiment with new relationships. He partied with friends on his floor, joined clubs, and went on dorm-sponsored field trips. My D put her energy into her classes, got to know her profs and TA’s, and established peer relationships that led to an internship her second year. College has been good for both of them in different ways. In a way, their relationship has given them a secure base and the freedom to dive into their individual interests. </p>
<p>Every year, I think they are going to break up, just because they’re so different, and their interests are in such opposite directions. They don’t spend all of their time on campus together. In fact, they spend more time apart when classes are in session than they do together. They spent Spring Break apart this year. </p>
<p>Being a couple has not precluded learning or social development for either of them. Matters of the heart are complicated and fickle. It depends on what each person brings to the relationship and whether or not they can adjust as a couple. Sometimes, it works – sometimes, it doesn’t work. But, either way, it’s their deal.</p>
<p>Then there is my sister’s story. She and her BF went to different colleges. They broke up, graduated from college, went on to other relationships etc. kept in touch just tangentially. Then, 15 years after their high school graduation, both of them still as yet unmarried, they met up again. They are now married with 2 kids.</p>
<p>My gf and I went away to different schools and lost touch quickly. 35 years later we ended up 3,000 miles from our hometown in the same metro area and met through Classmates.com. Now three years later we have been married for two years and are very happy. No kids yet.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the stories. I’m letting what will be, will be. I do feel, at least on my S. side, he is picking the school, for the school, not because she’s interested in it, I hope she is doing the same. I know with older S. his romance didn’t last till Thanksgiving, but then after transferring back to local U. he connected with a former high school classmate and now they are engaged to be married next year. So, I guess it’s just a waiting game and see what happens.</p>
<p>We’ll know in three days if that’s the case here. He, my S, was admitted ED. She also applied ED, but was deferred. If she gets in (Wharton), I’m sure she’ll attend. They’ve been together for a little more than a year, so far. </p>
<p>It’s a tough call - but you can’t control it - and I don’t think a parent should try. Kids have to live and learn without our constant intervention - or they wind up back at home when they’re 25. Now THAT, my friends, would be a crisis!</p>