<p>Northstarmom, these are two tragic stories. I appreciate Coarranged for the concise update on Facebook v. MySpace. The technology train moves so fast I can’t keep up with it without younger help.</p>
<p>I’m wondering whether there could be a lawsuit against the mother in the news article who knowingly sanctioned (by allowing it to continue) her own child’s friendship circle to harass a young person. She let them pose as “Josh” for their personal merriment. If I were the family who lost the child, I"d have my lawyer go over every single message in her computer. If any legal lines were crossed, the mother might be held liable and pay damages forever for the pain and suffering she caused that family. It would have to reallly cross a legal line, I guess, just as parents can be held accountable if someone drinks underage in their home. </p>
<p>Regarding the family NStarmom knows personally, who lost a child to suicide when bullying likely played a large role, it is the typical weasly response of the family to say the victim caused his own sorrow. Part of anti-bullying education is to teach kids strategies so they do not become easy targets for a bully. But this doesn’t remove responsibility from the bullly. If we take street-defense training and get mugged, the mugger is still the one who did wrong, even if there are “ways” to defend against him somewhat.</p>
<p>My S in NYC works with an anti-bullying project in middle schools over in Brooklyn or the Bronx, I forget which. Professional actors stage a play in the school auditorium, then go into classrooms to facilitate classroom discussions among students about their observations. It’s a non-profit organization, a good project. </p>
<p>An important discovery after the Columbine shootings was that the shooters’ alienation began when they were bullied during middle school. It’s a very serious problem. The principal there put out the message that the most valuable thing a “good” kid can do is to make the school aware of anyone they know who does not feel part of the school family, for any reason. I guess today the cyber-bullying is another way to marginalize a kind student. There are other tools, too, including text messaging with a kind of ambush approach.</p>
<p>For parents of good kids, please tell yours to let the school guidance office or principal know if anyone is the victim of bullying, or put more subtly in the principal’s words from Columbine, “Doesn’t feel part of the school family” for whatever reason. It’s a bad feeling for the good kids when they know things are wrong and feel helpless to act. The research shows that bullies only buckle when a more powerful (adult) confronts them, since they only understand power. Your good kid can’t dissuade a bully in his midst; they must bring in an adult. </p>
<p>Many bullies were bullied themselves, some by parents. So when their own kid is the bully, the parents are the first to defend the actions they recognize very well, by blaming the victim. That’s what the family NStarmom knows experienced. It’s a double injustice.</p>