Girlfriend is Pregnant and I feel My Life is Ruined

<p>I'm currently a freshman in college, almost 20 years old with a 3.6 GPA and a U.S.A. Cadet. My girlfriend of three months is pregnant and she was on the pill (apparently she missed two pills in a row during her first week and we had sex on her 8th day). I am really scared and I want to have kids but I need a career first so I can support a family (I didn't want to get married till I am 30). Abortion is NOT an option! Her and I made a deal before we started having sex is that if she got pregnant I would marry her for the kid, and the family (I do love and care about her). I'm just really scared cause I think my career and life is ruined and there is almost no point on living. I want to be a good father and take care of my child but I don't think it is possible to get my commission with a baby and it is NOT possible to support a family on minimum wage. I'm seriously thinking about going enlisted to sign up to go to Iraq to make some extra money. I just need some responses to comfort or help me think things out. </p>

<p>My mother doesn't like her cause she is afraid she has been trying to trap me to be with her. She is kind of manipulative, and it seems like she makes excuses for herself. In addition, she has her rare affectionate moments when I'm more affectionate than she is. She has told me she feels bad that she isn't more affectionate towards me and I'm the best guy she has ever been with. I'm just throwing out this extra information.</p>

<p>Ideas that are going through my head are:
1. Stay in school try to get my commission and have her get a full-time job (will make more money in the long run and can support a family).
2. Go enlisted to go to Iraq (can semi support a family while on welfare).
3. Don't marry her and just give her child support, while staying in school (is myself the priority of having a good life and supporting the kid financially from a distance?).</p>

<p>I want to best for the kid and myself. But I'm afraid I will hate this child because it ruined my life. If I was having a kid three years later I wouldn't be worrying as much!!!</p>

<p>PS: I don't need any posts to tell me how I ****ed up my life, cause I already realised that my promising life is possibly at an end!</p>

<p>Right now things feel so overwhelming for you. I know there is nothing I can do to help you, but know that my heart goes out to you and your girlfriend. I admire the promise you made to each other. I advise that you find some understanding people in your life and get some good counseling before you make any decisions. God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.</p>

<p>I suppose go with #3.</p>

<p>If you do not want to get married, do not get married.</p>

<p>Marrying out of a sense of obligation will only lead to misery.</p>

<p>Don't marry if you don't love each other; otherwise you'll just end up hurting the child.</p>

<p>That sure is a tough situation. I'm sure your school has a counseling department, if there ever was a time to use it, it's now.</p>

<p>As for marriage, marrying just for the child will never work. You won't stay together if you don't belong together. Personally I would think having two parents marry then divorce is harder on a child than never married to begin with. This is coming from someone who's parents are divorced.</p>

<p>I'd go with #3, and see where it goes. Maybe marriage will work out some day, just not now. Finish school, your kid will be better off in the long run.</p>

<p>Don't take this the wrong way, but make sure you know for sure that she's pregnant (pregnancy tests aren't always accurate) and that if she is, the kid is actually yours; especially since she tends to be manipulative.</p>

<p>Is there any specific advantage in marrying? Probably not.</p>

<p>Her period is 5 days late, I'll make sure she gets one ASAP! What also makes me mad is that I told her I'll buy the after morning pill, and she said "No, I won't need it, everything is okay."</p>

<p>Sounds funky to me.</p>

<p>oh no... don't mean to burst your bubble or trying to ruin anything, but this is all based on my opinion. it kinda sounds like she did it on purpose. what does she even think of this? she missed two days of the pill and still had sex? everybody taking the pill should know that if you miss even one day, it's ineffective (something like that)... and i bet she said not to even bother about a condom. </p>

<p>another thing... did she confirm she was pregnant or it's just a possibility? some women's period can come a bit late. i'd be a little more careful around someone like that. she even sounds manipulative.</p>

<p>IMO you should just dump her if it turns out to be a fluke.</p>

<p>My suggestions:</p>

<li><p>Breathe. Realize that you had no guarantee that your life was going to go exactly the way you imagined. Realize that having a child is not a barrier to having a good life. Realize that while having a child at this point in your life is probably going to be harder than not having a child would be, it can be done. Realize that you're not always going to feel this way.</p></li>
<li><p>Start using condoms every time. It protects you, it protects your partner, and it means that you don't have to rely on someone else doing birth control right.</p></li>
<li><p>Find someone who is older, who is more experienced, whom you trust, and who is willing to support your values (such as your commitment to take care of your child), and who is willing to help you figure out what your options are and what you want to do.</p></li>
<li><p>Does your girlfriend have health insurance? Is she able to access prenatal care? If she doesn't, that should be a priority.</p></li>
<li><p>Finish the semester. Both of you have places to live and food to eat right now, right? Even if you need to take on a job, try withdrawing from a couple of classes instead of dropping out entirely. Plan on going back in the fall, even if you're only taking one class at a 2-year school. Staying in school can be hard. Going back can be harder. If you do decide to do something that's incompatible with staying in school, such as joining the military and going overseas, make sure that returning to school is at the top of your plans for what to do after discharge.</p></li>
<li><p>Go to the financial aid office and try to figure out what kind of money you may be able to access. Can you find a loan that'll enable you to finish school while she either works (she's not going to be working just before or just after giving birth) or goes to school? (If you are thinking of switching to a different school, talk to their financial aid office too.)</p></li>
<li><p>Look into getting a summer job that pays well. Look into helping her find a job (in the summer if she's in school, or ASAP if she's not) that will pay well. Save everything you can.</p></li>
<li><p>Look into whether you can get support from your parents, her parents, or other community resources.</p></li>
<li><p>Consider whether doing your sophomore year at a 2-year school (it's often cheaper, credits transfer to state colleges and universities, and it's usually easier to fit classes around a work or childcare schedule at 2-year schools) would be beneficial.</p></li>
<li><p>Even though it probably seems like a good idea in light of the fact that everything that used to seem certain now seems terribly uncertain, avoid making decisions that you don't have to make right now. You don't have to decide just yet what you're going to be doing in September. You definitely don't have to decide what you're going to be doing in 5 years. Make the decisions you have to make right now (such as how the two of you are going to ensure that your girlfriend gets decent prenatal care) and give yourself time to find out what your options are and which of those options feel right to you on the other stuff.</p></li>
<li><p>Breathe. Seriously.</p></li>

<p>Whether she did it "on purpose" or not doesn't matter if she is pregnant, you had willing sex with her, knowing all the risks and even made a plan if she got pregnant. You are no innocent in all this, and as soon as you realize that, the better. </p>

<p>If she is indeed pregnant, and you have ruled out termination of the pregnancy, and if she is 8 days late, how is she three months pregnant anyway? </p>

<p>If this is her first missed period, lets do some math here...she wouldn't be 12 weeks pregnant.</p>

<p>So, if nothing else stop having sex with her, get her into a doctor like YESTERDAY, and they can give you a better idea of how far along she is. And if she hasn't even done a pregnancy test- even the store bought one and is only 8 days late, I wonder</p>

<p>^^^^ there is some truth to the above statement, but I still feel bad if the young man was manipulated by a woman who was intentionally trying to get pregnant. It does sound suspicious.
I do agree with the advice you have gotten here to stop having sex with her, and absolutely use condoms.Always !
I don't see that marrying her is your only option, just because you made some sort of pact with her. You have only known her for three months..hardly enough time to decide on a marriage.
I would hate to think that this was planned by her, but by what info you have provided, it does sound like that.
What about adoption ?
It is a solution that would benefit the baby, with all of the people out there that cannot have children of their own. I know that there is no easy solution, but I do hope, that if indeed she is pregnant that you both will consider this.</p>

<p>I will make sure she will get one Saturday when she gets back in town. In addition, I have to coordinate with the Army because I am a full-ride Army Cadet. The military also has a big say in my life.</p>

<p>To clarify, her and I have only been together for THREE months. If she is pregnant it would be three weeks. And yes I said let's use a condom but she has a latex allergy, and yes I did say "LET'S GET YOU THE AFTER MORNING PILL!!" She said "no honey, I won't need it."</p>

<p>They make non-latex condoms you know.</p>

<p>edit: Not that that helps you now. Until she has a pregnancy test you shouldn't tell anybody. I guess you already told your parents but a week late period isn't uncommon at all. Plus if she started stressing out around day 3 or so it could have pushed it back even further. My ex had a period come about 2 weeks late once. Stuff happens. Get that test and make sure before you worry too much.</p>

<li><p>You should've either used a non-latex condom, like polyurethane, or INSISTED she take the morning after pill. "Don't worry about it honey" is no excuse. This is both your faults, and you both should've known better. </p></li>
<li><p>She needs to get a test NOW. Call her RIGHT NOW and tell her to go to the drug store and get a test. Hell get two. </p></li>
<li><p>IF she is indeed pregnant, don't get married just for the kid. She already sounds like a manipulative b-tch, you don't need that in your life. Marriages just because of a pregnancy rarely work out well. Take care of the kid, sure, but leave her out of it if this turns ugly. </p></li>
<li><p>Don't drop out of school. It's extremely hard to go back after you do. I don't know how the army things works, but don't go to Iraq just because your gf got knocked up. It's not worth it to get blown up to make extra money.</p></li>

<p>^ What chuy said. Make her take the test, and be there when she does. Women can freak out about potential pregnancies and go a little overboard</p>

<p>She can't be pregnant if she's dead..... just saying.....</p>

<p>Re-think the abortion NOT being an option part, and have your girlfriend do the same.</p>

<p>Okay, when she gets back from her work thing, I will tell her to get a pregnancy test NOW. And if she is pregnant, I will tell her I'm staying in school no matter what and try to be a good father and support my child and my child's mother. But if she is not pregnant her and I are no longer or at the very least her and I are going to have a talk about some needed changes in our relationship. I'll tell you if she is officially IS or is NOT pregnant. BTW I haven't told even my family about my dilemma. Any opinions?</p>