Give Me Feedback on This Really Short Essay and I'll Mail You $1!

Applying to College
1

Here’s my essay (for Stanford)… I’d really, really appreciate some feedback (I’ll be mailing it very soon). I’ll pick the most helpful comment and mail/paypal that person a buck… just as an incentive :slight_smile:

Thanks guys!!

Jot a note to your future roommate relating a personal experience that reveals something about you.

<pre><code>My future roommate: I don’t care if you’re loud. Sing in the shower while I’m cramming for finals; blast your speakers as I’m writing an intricate essay – you can try, but you won’t faze me. You see, I’m the brother of three younger sisters; I assure you, anything that might annoy me has already been tried (repeatedly). I am so used to finding Barbie on my bed and curling-irons in my sink that I cannot imagine anything you could do to get on my nerves!
Growing up as the only guy has not been easy (especially because my sisters’ standards of cleanliness border the surreal). I’m neat guy, unlike my slobs of sisters, so every day at my house is a test in patience and tolerance. This is why I know that, no matter what you’re like or how messy you are, we will get along splendidly (for no one could be worse than them!). If you doubt me, I say: give me your best shot!
</code></pre>

(Oh, there is one exception: if you take the last Diet Dr. Pepper and don’t replace it, I’ll consider it an act of war. See you in September!)

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Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?

2

<p>cute… but relate more to yourself and what you like. it’s well written.</p>

3

<p>It’s not bad…a little too optimistic. All you reveal in that essay is that you have a slight sense of humor and that you are able to ignore loud noise. If I were your future roommate, I’d want to know a <em>little</em> bit more about you…at least more than the fact I can do all kinds of crazy crap to you and you won’t get ****ed (are you Amish?).</p>

4

<p>i think it’s really cute - fresh sense of humour & quite funny. I guess you could throw in some other stuff about your personality, but if it’s supposed to be this short, i think it’s quite effective.</p>

5

<p>Thanks for all the feedback, everyone! The app is in the mail now - I’m already dying to know the results, because I would love to go to Stanford =)</p>

<p>enviroman, if you want to e-mail me your address, you’ll find a dollar bill in your mailbox soon ! :)</p>

<p>Cheers!</p>