Give my essay a quick grade

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Took essay under a timed constraint of exactly 25 minutes.</p>

<p>Prompt : Are people’s lives the result of the choices they make? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>The lives of people are not the direct result of their own choices. Rather the choices of others, typically their superiors, affect one’s life. Literary works, such as “Ender’s Game” and “To Kill a Mockingbird”, epitomize this notion.</p>

<p>“Ender’s Game” follows the tale of Ender Wiggin, a boy who’s life had been planned for him by the government, years before he was born. Ender Wiggin was genetically enhanced at birth to give him extreme intelligence. He is then forcibly removed from his family at the tender of age of 8. The government enrolls him in a special academy, one that will train him to become a commander for an upcoming war. During his time at the school, government officers quietly manipulate Ender, in order to challenge him. One such example is when Officer Brian, a government operative, bribes Ender’s contemporaries/peers to bully him incessantly. Ender makes the choice eventually to fight back against his tormentors. But Ender’s decision to do so was carefully manipulated by officials. At the end of the novel, Ender is given a simulation test. IN the test, he is to command an army of soldiers against an unknown foe. The protagonist is able to defeat the computer generated foes eventually. However, the novel ends with Ender being told that the simulation he completed was actually real. Thus the tale of a boy manipulated his entire life ends. Other novels also examine how the life of a person is controlled by others.</p>

<p>“To Kill a Mockingbird” is a novel by Harper Lee that examines the results of unjust racism. Tom Robinson is a simple and honest man who always tries to be helpful. One day he passes by the house of Mayella Ewell. He is invited in the house by Mayella because she claims that she needs him to move something. However once inside, she attempts to sleep with him. Tom rebuffs these advances quickly because he is a married man. In jealously, Mayella accuses Tom of rape. Mr. Robinson is then tried in court in front of an all white jury. Despite the compelling arguments of his lawyer Atticus Finch, Tom is unjustly declared guilty by the clearly biased jury and sentenced. to life in prison. Tom’s entire life is stolen from him just because of a jealous woman and a biased jury. His moral actions had no effect whatsoever on his life.</p>

<p>“To Kill a Mockingbird” and “Ender’s Game” show that the actions of a person do not his/her life; the actions of others do.</p>

2

<p>10/12 make the conclusion a bit longer its too short and try to have a third example</p>

3

<p>5/6</p>

<p>Your level of writing is definitely proficient enough to get a 6. I think your arguments are just slightly underdeveloped.</p>

4

<p>Something around 10/12. Your conclusion is definitely way too short. Also, writing more looks better on the SAT. I suggest trying to fit a third example or at least write a better conclusion.</p>

5

<p>You examples and reasoning are strong. You could definitely improve by lengthening your introduction and conclusion, and by further developing your arguments (as stated by the previous posters). I would guess that your essay would get an 8-10 out of 12. I think successfully following the advice given could cement this into the 10-12 range.</p>

<p>I would NOT suggest adding a third example. It is extremely difficult to successfully use three examples since you run into the problem of not expanding on your examples enough. You would be better off strengthening two arguments instead of trying to throw in a third. That would more-than-likely lead to three weak arguments which is much worse than two strong arguments (or even one strong argument).</p>