No way would I give a self supporting young adult unsolicited advice. I might gift him some clothes though that I thought were his style that would be work appropriate if I thought that wouldn’t cause a problem for him. I have a younger teenage daughter who at 14 will barely except clothing from me though so I know dynamics can vary. My son would love a personal shopper and would probably happily prescribe to the Mark Zuckerberg wardrobe.
Is he working in tech? If so, I’d not worry about it at all. LOL
@Leigh22 Funny story regarding basically the same situation: DH’s mom told him he had too much hair in his head (he was wearing it longer in the back and sides at the time). Before we saw her next, he shaved his mustache and told her that he had less hair on his head now. Everyone laughed. Just a different response…
I would let current clothes ride and give him a new shirt for birthday or Christmas. But I would advise him on building a wardrobe if he hasn’t already. For instance if he doesn’t have a nice blazer and nice khaki or dress pants and maybe a dark suit and one stylish tie. To me those are things that can be needed on short notice and if you are frugal it is cheaper to shop at your leisure than to have to buy something last minute.
With D she started teaching with regular cotton tees, etc. gradually she (and sometimes I) have record these with slightly nicer clothes. Of course many girls are more open to shopping but maybe if you give him something new and tell him it’s to help him start a more professional wardrobe he might go for it.
In general I am trying to be better about unsolicited advice but both girls do ask. Exception is money planning. Tried to educate on putting money in Roth, building savings and using budget.
Re: the advice, not very often with S. With D more often but she’ll just tell me to MYOB if she doesn’t agree lol. But, my issue with S wardrobe is that he dresses too well. IMHO it isn’t necessary to dress in $200 jeans and sweaters and I think, given how quickly styles change, that its a waste of money better put in a 401K or into experiences. I’m with the “if it is neat, clean, no holes, and up to date style-wise” you are good to go. You don’t have to spend a bundle to make an impression, especially if your work is good enough to impress.
I don’t think you are out of place to tell your son he needs to pick it up. No one from his office is going to tell him. If he doesn’t care what he wears, that’s easier as he can develop a ‘uniform’ for himself and just wear those things all the time - khakis and a polo, button down shirts with slacks. Don’t forget the shoes.
My kids wore school uniforms for some schools they attended, and when they didn’t have them both wish they did. Now that one daughter is at an engineering firm, I think her outfits are pretty ‘uniform’ like. Black pants and a blouse most days. She has a black blazer, a few pairs of shoes and that’s it.
I used to joke DH wouldn’t even mention if I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe or literally egg on my face. If I questioned this, he’d say, “I thought you knew.” Say what?
In OP’s son’s case, I might have said. “Wow. your coworkers are dressed up, is this how they usually come to work?” If he says yes, I might ask if he feels he needs to, also. He might say, No, they’re managers or whatever. Indirectly sliding into a possible convo.
Had a similar thing with my S – many of his starting work clothes we bought when he was in college and had his first internship. He had filled out since then (in a good way LOL) so while the clothing still technically fit he didn’t look great. Last Christmas I suggested we do a shopping spree to update his work clothes as his gift. I do think he was happy to get new and more comfortable fitting clothing. He even ended up getting into the shopping spirit and bought some extra things himself. If left to his own devices I’m not sure he would have thought to do it.
For better or worse, my D is always happy to go shopping!
Yes, I will give unsolicited advice to my adult kids. Not going to stop or worry about it. Our family is rather blunt and insensitive. Always full of jokes and playful insults. I can’t imagine anyone being offended by polite, helpful, well-meaning advice from mom. They are free to ignore it, of course. But when I bother to speak up (which is infrequently), I am always right. Kids sometimes help me out, too.
I am much more selective about saying anything to my oldest/married S. He is his wife’s problem now! And I would never give advice to D-i-l unless it was a serious matter of safety/health. Many (most?) men depend on their moms, girlfriends, or wives for advice on clothes, grooming, etc., so I see nothing out-of-line about it.
What is his industry? For example, if he is IT or tech, leave him alone.
I usually ask if they want it before giving advice. The one area recently where I couldn’t resist was with D1 recently regarding their current house hunting strategy, I think they are making a financial mistake, looking for too much house for their age & income. Unwilling to compromise a bit in location to reduce the price, and I’m worried it will box them into a work treadmill to keep up the payments. D is polite, she heard me out. I’m biting my tongue going forward. I’ve given my opinion.
Ds was NOT underdressed/inappropriately dressed at all. The types and styles and choices were fine. It’s just that, IMO, it’s time to replace some pieces. As someone said, probably no one but me knows the age of some of his clothing. He is 21, and yes, at a new (started in September) job. He does not work in tech. He is in MBB consulting and thus dresses as appropate for the particular case he is on. West coast so more casual, in general. He owns suits and sports coats and business casual clothes. He’s not a slob or improperly groomed. He has his shirts done at the cleaners. It’s not like he looked like a hobo compared to his peers - lol. I can’t shop with him (@bajamm - we are on the opposite coast) and don’t want to. I don’t want to tell him what to buy or give him specific advice about his clothing choices. I don’t want to buy him clothing as gifts - I would not be sure of sizes anyway. A work wardrobe needs to truly fit properly. I primarily want him to have an awareness to observe others around him and to realize that clothing does, indeed, have to be replaced. I agree with @gouf78 about dressing for the next job. It is primarily as @happy1 said about her ds, though my son has not filled out/really changed sizes.
I had wondered about Nordstrom’s and their stylist consulting thing. I know it’s listed as “free,” but does it come with the expectation of spending a certain amount? I very much favor the gift card idea, but I am unsure as to an amount.
@CheddarcheeseMN - nothing wrong or inappropriate about the tagging or the photos. Privacy is set so only his friends can see. He could obviously untag himself he so chose. The young woman who posted is one of his co-workers/friends. @TatinG - clothes are old, not particularly cheap. We purchased most of what he has Not ALL his clothes are old.
@abasket - duly noted. You are probably right. @mom60 , @gouf78 yes, I only want to say things one time. I do NOT want to nag.
I have not given much other unsolicited advice since he has graduated other than telling him to find a dentist and get his teeth cleaned. We have a lot of money invested in those teeth! I have told him that there is nothing left for me to nag at him about! And, I try not to do that. It’s definitely a different dynamic and a time of transition.
And, he didn’’t respond to my text. Which, honestly, isn’t unusual if I don’t ask a specific question. We kind of have a “system,” and I didn’t expect a response.
@Hoggirl I think we gave DS a $200 gift card to Nordstorms (may have been $250). I don’t think he felt pressured by the consultant at all; he was somewhat surprised at the cost of good clothes. He only bought one shirt and that was not an issue as far as I know. He’s historically a Kohls shopper so $150 shirts were kind of a surprise to him. He has long arms and is short waisted so has trouble fitting clothes well and I think he did appreciate the advice he got. He lives in Seattle and was at the flagship store; not sure if that made any difference. I imagine those consultants know these techies will be back.
At that age, I just sent my son gift packages. Before his first job, we had an appointment with a Nordstrom rep. She had pulled together a 28” Boss suit, sports jacket, etc. she had the tailor (another gorgeous older saleswoman) on call, to hem shirts and pants and jackets. Ten years later, she stills asks about him and pulls out a few items for us to,preview at their big sale. My son loves never shopping in an actual store, so,now, he’ll just ask for new black denim pants in size xx x xx at BR, or a white sweater, etc. needless to,say, we are all only on sales people, with only a few exemptions
I told D1 she should consider getting some botox on her forehead. She was fine with it.
Yes, I do give my girls unsolicited advice, and sometimes they do get upset, but they know where I am coming from. I kind of figure, if I don’t tell them, who will.
We choose our battles and thus far, clothing has never been one of those. We do recommend health and financial issues, unsolicited (like please get an md where you live).
Would/do not want so never give advice about cosmetic procedures.
I try to never give unsolicited advice. Our oldest is very sensitive to any comments and our youngest will definitely ask our opinion if he wants it. We are all adults now, and I try to treat them like they might know better than I do regarding quite a few parts of their lives. I feel like I was not a great listener, so I strive to be a better one now.
My Mom and MiL both feel it’s bonding to tell me my errors in dress , hair, and food. A lifetime of this has made me second guess everything I wear, and it isn’t fun. Don’t be that mom
Not ALL his clothes are old.