Okay, here’s the situation…and I realize how insanely 1st world this whole thing sounds and how unappreciative I sound but i’m feeling really low about it anyway so i’m willing to take the blows.
We’re flying to an island nearish the Bahamas this weekend for a 10-day vacation. It’s not a place that i had thought of going to before but we chose it because 1) we could get free tickets to fly there…as many of you know, the only way to get free tickets in the summer is to go to a place that’s in its off-season and 2) its the only place (of the free-ticket places) that all 4 of us (teens 16 & 18) could seem to agree on back in April.
but now I am so dreading this trip and I can bring it down to 4 reasons…not in any particular order.
The weather. It's so freakin hot on the east coast this summer and now we're flying to a place that's going to be just as hot. Plus hurricane risks (that's how you get free tickets). And I don't even like the sun.
Work. I work in an ultra-competitive field and I have a job within it that many others would love to push me aside for. I also work at a company that doesn't celebrate vacations....you can go one of two routes 1) rarely take vacations (or work through them) or 2) Go somewhere that's seen as a destination...a challenge....think Iceland....or hiking Denali. Laying on a beach does not qualify. So I have to be nervous the whole time. I'm used to this, btw,...but feeling more resentful this time.
Money. The tickets are free...that's great....but islands are pricey (on things like gas prices) and I"m so loathe to spend money on a vacation that I don't even want to take.
Foot. My foot. i pulled a ligament last week and haven't been able to go on a regular run or long walk in 8 days...so I'm unusually low right now.
So here I sit…unable to talk to anyone in my family…they look to me to set the mood…and there’s just no way to cancel at this late date. It is what it is.
I can understand your concerns - especially the work ones which you have no control over, as I worked in a competitive, cut-throat environment as well.
Once you’ve made the decision to go on a vacation, I think its best to not get into too much of a nickel-and-dime mode.
Bring good books you’ve been wanting to read, especially if the foot is bothering you, eat good food, drink lots of pina coladas!
Enjoy the family time together. My kids are older than yours and you’ll find that it gets increasingly difficult to spend quality family time together - like really difficult! Enjoy it!
I do this all time to myself! We’re leaving Friday for the Caribbean as well. I also am getting shoulder surgery right after we get back and I’m worried about managing the pain on vacation.
What I do know…order a drink on the plane and since you aren’t cancelling then you need to make the best of it. You will be fine once you get there.
First of all, I have been to the islands in the summer and it can be cooler than in the northeast because there is water. If you are going to be hot, you might as well be some where it is cool. I used to have jobs like you, so I would stay inside when it is really hot to catch up on work, and everyone thought I was a workaholic when I was just trying to stay cool.
I can’t help you on the fact you don’t like to spend money…
If you pulled a ligament then being on a beach vacation is a great way of recovering.
Enjoy your vacation. Very jealous. I am slaving away on three major projects now, with no vacation in the near future. Want to switch places?
Out of your smorgasbord of worries, the foot seems to be the most serious, IMO. Have you checked it out? Are you doing RICE? Does it need bracing? Pack ibuprophen, gel ice packs, and a good brace.
Feelings are feelings, you are being honest. Now to get an attitude prepared which will serve you and your family in this situation. OP, can you think of a way to make it more pleasant for yourself (and hence, for everyone else)? A novel you’ve been waiting to read? Letters to write? Can you bring a deck of cards and play rummy? Spades? hearts? Bring a Scrabble board? Acrually it is a very important time in your kids’ lives, and if trhey are into it, maybe focus on the fact that it not a vacation for you but for them. All too soon those family trips will be a thing of the past.
I actually do sympathize with you. OTOH you aren’t going to have the kids traveling with you a lot longer. Do they want to take this vacation? Yes, it is hard to be the cheerleader (like Joy in the movie Inside Out). Take the cue from them. What do they want to do?
One of the things that worked well for us (in timeshares, so we had a kitchen) was 500 piece puzzles. I set them up on the coffee table and the kids would chat while we were having coffee/snacks. it was sort of like long car rides when they were kids. It is a non intense space in which things can come up but not be the total focus of attention. If you are OK with a bit of language in TV shows, you could download Family Tree and bring it along to play for everyone. it is really roll on the floor (if you are OK with language). Our kids loved it. In fact, download anything everyone would watch and bring cables. These days you can usually attach to the TV.
Re the foot thing, maybe some exercise bands. If you can run maybe you can do some nice stretches. and maybe the water will allow you to swim (although sometimes that hurts my foot too).
I have found good things to do on trip advisor. Like kayaking in the mangrove lagoons on St Thomas. Not really my thing, but it ended up being fun.
Enjoy. The clock is running on the kids.
In terms of the weather…I have gone to the Caribbean countless times in the summer, because it is cheaper to do so. The weather where I go is the same year round and not hotter in summer than if I were to go there in winter. And it is less crowded. What I really like is that the weather is not a big deal to me because I can just take a dip in the warm sea, unlike in New England where if you are hot on the beach, the water in the ocean is frigid and not for the meek. If your place is AC, that part should be fine. So, while you are not escaping winter weather, you are getting the warm island weather you’d get at any time of year.
I hear what you are saying that is unfortunate about your job. But you have had the experience before of them not really supporting vacations. Who cares? They are not human! Don’t talk about your vacation that much with them. Further, try to UNPLUG while you are away…forego the internet and email. Really GET AWAY from it all. You deserve it. Your job will be there when you return. It isn’t vacation if you are dealing with work.
In terms of money, yes, vacations cost money. But keep in mind that with the free airfare, you have really cut down the cost by a lot. Think of the money as being put toward family time, hopefully quality time, and escape from work and a nice break for everyone. It almost doesn’t matter where you are. That is the point of the vacation.
Sorry about your foot! I imagine as each day goes by, you will be recovering and so might be fine on the trip. Yes, it is a downer. If you can’t run and things like that, have a drink on the beach and unwind. It will do you good. Get away from your regular routine. Your kids are old enough to perhaps do some activities without you too! Read a book by the pool and escape. Getting away will hopefully perk you up emotionally!
Seriously, I sometimes have the same bunch of nagging wormy thoughts eating me alive from the inside of my brain: what if an urgent project comes up while I’m gone?! As soon as I settle into my plane seat, they go away! Im sure you will be fine. Tell your adventure traveler type coworkers that you are participating in filming of a Survivor episode. Then put some sun shades on, grab a drink, and… survive. B-)
If your leg will allow it, there are some challenging things to do on an island. You could try scuba or snorkeling. You could try sailboarding. Bicycling. Horseback riding. I get antsy just sitting on the beach too.
No hurricanes predicted for the next 2 weeks at least. Once you get to the island, enjoy where you are staying, read, get up early to watch a sunrise, walk to the waters edge, the sand will be soft and feel good on your foot. Rest in the shade, listen to some good music. Does the island have some art galleries, historical museums that are indoors, take in an afternoon movie, does the library have any programs, any plays or concerts? Take an afternoon nap, get a facial or massage, take a local cooking lesson. I’m sure once you get there you will find things to do other than lying on the beach. Enjoy game night or cook out with your family in the evenings.
Sometimes we have to evaluate our lives and decide if the work we are doing is good for our health and family. You work hard and deserve a vacation. If someone else is ready to push you aside, I’m sorry to say that a vacation with your family will not make things that much worse if that is the environment. Please try to enjoy your family time.
You are all awesome – and i’m not just saying this because i’m on my 2nd glass of wine. I feel better…as always, your advice is spot-on and I will follow it!
GMTspouse complains that I’m always insufferable to be around right before a vacation because I’m so stressed out about tying loose ends at the office. Can u imagine me being insufferable? (don’t answer that…)
Anyhow, when I finaly get aboard the plane and have a 2nd glass of wine, I finally chill out and start enjoying myself.
Glad to hear that 2nd glass of wine is working out for u, too!
Palm trees have shade, for those who don’t like the sun.
Swimming pools and the ocean are cool, perfect for sore feet.
Hotels have bars (some of them swim-up!) that serve lovely little drinks for those who want to forget the office.
It sounds like the PERFECT vacation for you, @SouthernHope.
Don’t forget the “family” part of family vacation. I remember a few vacations where I wasn’t particularly happy but DD was having a ball in the way kids do. I deeply regret not being able to go back in time and slap myself and yell, “take joy in the fact that your DD is having fun!”
Embrace your time with your family no matter the venue. Your time is more valuable than the location, and time with your kids is fleeting.
Yeah my kids remember their Caribbean vacation even when they went there they were very young. Too hot, but very relaxing because it forces you to relax. It turned out to be one of the best vacations we took. But the sad part is we won’t be back there again. Maybe it’s best to preserve the memories.
