Wha is the going rate for a couple to gift for a pretty fancy bar mitzvah?
It depends on how close you are and if your children are going as well. It’s customary to give in multiples of $18, because the numeric values of the letters of the word “Chai”, which means life (Kabbalah stuff) add up to 18. That said, if it’s pretty fancy, I would probably give at a dozen times chai (18 x 12) to chai squared (18 x 18), depending on how close you are to the family and your own financial situation. If you are bringing kids with you, add a couple of chai per kid.
Enjoy.
Some use the above method. Others say enough to cover the meal. Others will just judge for a nice gift. There is no expected amount. Do what your finances will allow. $50 - 100 is a nice gift. If you are close to the family then upwards from there to $180 - 200.
Again do what you can afford and have a nice, fun evening.
If you are the parent who is the invitee, then upwards of $100 or $200 is appropriate. But if you are the kid, then a smaller multiple of $18 – say, 3 times – is fine.
$36 or $54 is the going gift from kids in our area of northern NJ. Depends on how close they are to the host.
$180 is a common number I’ve seen tossed around.
Kids 36$ is the going rate. Adults $180 or more if it’s a whole big family invited. We often do $200 plus a separate check for $18 that has no recipient filled in along with a note saying that now as a bar/bat mitzvah ( i.e., an adult) they are obligated to tzedakah (acts of charity) and that this other check is for them to give to a charity of their choice.
@maya54. Nice idea.