Good-bye CC

Parent Cafe
121

<p>Momrath, I like your sentiment:

I give Marite credit:  She said goodbye and didn't stick around to discuss or debate it!   I also find it ironic that this thread has deteriorated to the point where it is now likely an example of why she left!   &lt;/p&gt;

<p>Captain Obvious (that’s me! :slight_smile: ) still says that the most offensive material is in deleted threads. That is, after all, why threads are deleted. There have been a lot of deleted threads lately. Therefore, it is most likely that it was the accumulation of exchanges that took place in deleted threads that would make someone (anyone) feel uncomfortable and want to take a break.</p>

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<p>…this is supposed to convince marite to stay?</p>

<p>I feel like a rubbernecker on the highway, wanting to turn away from the horrible crash in front of me but unable to. But unlike that analogy, I’m not driving past it. The crash just keeps getting worse. And not only that, but my friends are in it: Berurah, the ultimate mother, andi, whose tale is incredibly instructive (and is why I started the Disappointment thread), and xiggi, who, for those who have not been around for more than the last year, is one of the most helpful and respected posters in CC’s history.</p>

<p>Perhaps someone could hijack this thread and take us in a different direction.</p>

123

<p>justanothermom - better suited to being a lurker? I hope not! Great posts.</p>

<p>(most) everyone else: are you all TRYING to validate marite’s decision? If you want her, and people like her, to stay, it’s not coming through very well.</p>

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<p>I’ve been posting on internet threads for years and years [two “hobbies” of mine have many message boards and sites] and when someone posts that they’re leaving, and mad about something, they always return. Always. Like the sun rising in the east. If someone really wants to leave, they just do it. Then like a month later, you’re like “Hey, where’s so and so?” but they’re gone for good.</p>

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<p><<perhaps someone=“” could=“” hijack=“” this=“” thread=“” and=“” take=“” us=“” in=“” a=“” different=“” direction=“”>></perhaps></p>

<p>So, who do you like in the Derby today? (worth a shot)</p>

126

<p>I leave you guys alone on the thread for a few hours and this is how you behave?!?</p>

<p>It’s very disturbing when posters we “know” turn on each other and make personal attacks. It’s bad enough when unfamiliar posters get nasty. This thread has been compared to a highway pileup; a couple of nights ago it felt like we were looting our own neighborhood. Now it’s worse. I ask myself, why am I drawn to this? Is this the healthiest way to spend my time?</p>

127

<p>Dear friends,</p>

<p>We are human, we have foibles, we have blinders on sometimes, but we are so often so wonderful and unique, and have so much to offer one another. </p>

<p>I hope we can on CC always learn from one another, even from our mistakes. I have read that communication is 90% non-verbal. This may be part of the difficulty. We cannot see each other’s eyes as we write our posts, cannot see the wink, or the strain-lines from having a bad night’s sleep, or the gray hairs gained through worry about this whole process. I hope we can come into our community with compassion and recognize that what we say may come across sometimes imperfectly. I hope when that happens, dear friends, we can forgive each other. And maybe when we need to go to another place, we can do it, like Marite, with the grace she has always shown.</p>

128

<p>Yes, please stop arguing between yourselves and take that part to email. This thread was about Marite and thoughts related to that or why someone felt this way to want to take this action. I know that my own post on this thread was about her and about the forum but did not address anyone else. If you guys have a beef with one another, can you address it to each other in PMs or something? That is just what this point was about…not getting into it so PERSONALLY. Keep to the issues. Share experiences about your kids…get help, advice, support, whatever…commiserate, celebrate…but leave the personality issues to the side. Think about this when you post, please. It is such a GREAT group of people, including the people who are bickering, that’s the thing. Each of you has contributed in significant ways to the forum and are valuable in that respect. It is difficult sometimes to share personal stories about your kids and then ask for support or advice and be able to take it even if it is not the response you had hoped for. I know it is hard to keep the personal feelings out of posting but there is a line with that. </p>

<p>Please think about that when posting. I have no idea what threads were of issue with Marite personally or just an overall feeling. I did not see any that she was involved with where there were offensive things going on but I may have missed it as I have not been able to keep up as much as I would like in recent weeks. But I have noticed the tone of some threads and this one is now becoming just what some of us are talking about. So, please stop this tone and keep to the issues. In this case, the issue is about Marite, a long and VALUABLE poster and for me, a friend from afar, and what reasons she may have had for leaving and if we can all tune into that so that we do not lose many long time readers/posters, nor keep away newbies as we enter into the next crop of high school seniors/juniors. </p>

<p>and I, too, hope that Marite just took a breather and will come back and offer her friendship and wisdom and also let us know how her brilliant young man is doing next year at Harvard and how she, as a mom, is surviving the empty nest. </p>

<p>Love ya, Marite.
Susan</p>

<p>PS…another valuable thing for me, personally, about Marite’s participation, is that through the last few years, I have found on this forum, that there are many, like ourselves, who have been dealing with gifted children and that is a specific kind of issue when raising kids and there have been conversations here about that, with relation to them as teens and even the college process. When I met Marite in person 18 months ago, this was part of my conversation and it was great meeting another parent who had dealt with this though in a very different type of way, but still it was out of the ordinary. And we both were dealing with kids who were thinking of graduating early and it was good for me to talk to someone else in that situation and she knew some kids who were similar to my youngest and shared what she knew. Marite’s contributions here have been valuable beyond that one topic but just on that alone, I’d hate to lose her because she has so much to offer.</p>

129

<p>

As a girl who grew up in Louisville KY, I’m ashamed to say I don’t even know which horses are running today. That is unlike me as we used to host derby parties and really get into the races. My parents and brother still live in Louisville. The school (private) I attended during junior and senior year of high school was located right next to Churchill Downs. We were excused from school on the Thursday and Friday previous to the derby … too much craziness, plus with it being a christian school, I believe they were trying to keep us away from those vile, mint julep drinking, cash betting sinners - LOL!</p>

<p>Now, let’s break out the mint juleps, lay down the bets and watch the run for the roses. I believe it is NBC coverage 5:00 CST.</p>

130

<p>I went to the Derby once and would never go again. Why? I’ve never waited so long in a bathroom line in my life! [ And it’s definitely not the sort of atmosphere where a few tipsy women can merrily storm the men’s room.]</p>

131

<p>I believe that recent posters - soozievt, etc. - are offering the right idea. If we have issues with posts by other members which we find personally inflammatory:</p>

<p>Take emotionally charged, personally targeted responses to a PM. It’s like taking your issue with your peer in a meeting outside in the hall.</p>

<p>We cannot remove the differences between us nor would we really want to. Some of us like emotional support here, some want more cognitive support, some just like facts - supportive or not. However, as in all great organizations, we can respect a process which manages conflict at a level below the breaking point.</p>

132

<p>I have merrily posted on CC for months in relative obscurity. My posts are either ignored or attacked for the most part, and, being that it IS the Internet, I more or less take that in stride.</p>

<p>My better self says I should just read this thread like the Enquirer article it shows signs of becoming, but my dark side just…won’t…surrender possession of the keyboard. So:</p>

<p>1) As I’ve searched (and failed to find) the juicy and apparently offending threads that prompted one of the more reasonable minds on CC to flee, I noticed two other threads that were SO incredibly helpful – Carolyn started one for juniors and there’s another very touching thread on venting about our own parents. There is more good than harm being done here. Marite, if you’re reading, please don’t forget that!!!</p>

<p>2) We “adults” need to remember that our antics are available for observation by the students on CC, some of whom see little reason for our participation. Do we want to give them the impression (even if it’s true) that adult social behavior never progresses beyond high school behavior? Are we setting a good example here for our children?</p>

<p>If this was clumsy, I apologize. I’ll go back to standing in my corner, from whence I watch the clique in the center of the room. Still, a corner seat on CC is better than any other board. I’m sure everyone else here knows that, too. Maybe if everyone would pm their apologies, and for the denser amongst us, those wounded could pm to the transgressors the need for apology.</p>

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<p>Dizzymom, you say your posts are largely ignored or attacked. Just want to say that your (not so recent) post on your son’s commitment to his sport was a real eye-opener for me. Made me realize how ignorant I was about what it takes to be an athlete though I am fully aware of the time commitment required for music and theatre - D’s passions. I never commented then so want to say it now: Thanks.</p>

134

<p>I’m not a parent, but I’ll post anyway. Marite’s one of the most helpful posters on CC, and I’m sorry to see her go. Marite helped me decide to apply to Davidson when I worried it was too close to home; Marite suggested several colleges that fit me perfectly; Marite eased my (unfounded) fears about my interviews…Her help (and the help of the other parents!) has been invaluable. Thanks.</p>

<p>~warblers</p>

135

<p>UH OH. Did I wander into the wrong cafe?</p>

136

<p>digmedia (re:#122) you ain’t to bad yourself!</p>

<p>there are certain posters I will read and many others I just pass right on by</p>

<p>the good ones really do stand out, the sour ones I just skip</p>

137

<p>Marite is a very wonderful person. I’m sorry to see her go, but i completely understand.</p>

138

<p>I feel like a Munchkin waving to Glinda, the Good Witch, as she floats off in her Goodwitch bubble. ::::Byyyyyyeee!::::</p>

<p>Taking Dig up on his suggestion to expand the discussion a bit, I thought you guys might be interested in a great thread from a couple of years ago. Although, it seems like there’s something special about this year’s collective meltdown, it’s really consistent with the emotional release that happens every year around this time. </p>

<p>The thread is called, “Emotional Intensity,” and you’ll find it in the 2003 Archive (a very good year for threads, I might add!). I’m going to repost one of my contributions to that thread, mainly, because I don’t have anyone else’s permission to post theirs. The whole thread is worth the read, though. Here’s what I was thinking two years ago just before my D was getting ready to graduate from h/s. I can see, now, how much I was letting go, and I think the emotionality we’ve been seeing in the Parent forum, lately, is really an expression of that process. It ain’t easy to let go, while at the same time, kicking their keesters (yes, I’m one hundred and four years old!) out the door. Take care, parents, and read on…</p>

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139

<p>Am I the only one who had big money on Giacomo today? :)</p>

140

<p>sorry digmedia,
I took your advice and went to another thread! I HOPE all this negativity clears up!!
andi</p>