<p>
yemaya, I WANT TO ADOPT YOU. Do you think your mother would mind? mucho love to you, ~berurah</p>
<p>digmedia,</p>
<p>Your voice of reason is much appreciated. love, ~berurah</p>
<p>LOL, Berurah!!! We could go off into the land of pretty colors and !!!s (and a computer so that you can become a senior member), and we could live in peace and happiness together!!! No more AA debates or flames, just !!!s!!!
<size=phi times=“” the=“” square=“” root=“” of=“” pi=“” plus=“” 899=“” (your=“” current=“” post=“” number)=“” squared=“”></size=phi></p>
<p>P.S. I’m sorry for hijacking this thread, but these posts are the reasons why marite, dig, and berurah should stay!!! It is soooooo fun!!!</p>
<p>P.P.S. That size= +7923.867891, in case anyone was wondering!!!;)</p>
<p>This has got to be one of the saddest threads I have read on CC Parent Forum to date and I have been here almost three years. (one exception is that Sluggbugg’s post on this thread gave me many smiles…)</p>
<p>First, Marite is a MAINSTAY of the Parent Forum, no doubt about it. She is one of the most intelligent and respected posters in my book. She can discuss a myriad of topics and is always helpful and even handed. Her posts are the words or reason and wisdom. She offers so much. </p>
<p>The past couple of weeks I have not been able to keep up as much as I would like on the parent forum due to personal circumstances lately. I have often read the posts late at night but have not kept up with as much participating. Also, this year, I was splitting my time with the Parent Forum which I love and the Musical Theater forum because that is a parent forum (mostly) devoted to the specific college process my own kid was going through. And I truly did not keep up with the Parent cafe but just recently read the trip down memory lane with favorite posts of the past…had never read the Pencil one before, very funny and the whole “trip” was fun because it reminded me that there are some long time forum friends with whom I have shared much time. And Marite is definitely in the “top tier” of that pile. </p>
<p>As well, the last couple of weeks, there were a few discussions on this forum where I was tempted to participate but held back (not like me but I did). That is cause they just felt a little too…not sure how to put it…the tone got almost argumentative and emotional…like I wasn’t sure I wanted to join the fray and have someone think I did not align with them or was taking some sort of side. It is hard to describe and it was not all the threads but a few of them lately. And these are not really what CC has been like overall so it was out of the norm (I think other long time posters might know what I mean). I think that is what Marite is saying here though I honestly missed whatever specific conflict or circumstance happened recently to lead her to want to leave (which I REALLY hope she does not). I can understand if there was an unpleasant interchange that made it feel “not worth it” to spend her time this way. It is meant to be a pleasant time. I like the mom (was it Alumother?) who likened it to a parent group when we had toddlers and such…and so if this is not going to be pleasant, I can see Marite’s point. </p>
<p>I hope two things…one is that Marite will realize that for the couple of posts or threads that must have really been the kicker for her, there have been umpteen that she has enjoyed participating and reading and obviously there is a slew of posters (just read this thread alone) who enjoy conversing with her and even depend on her advice and support. It is kinda like letting one or two kids ruin it for the class. Secondly, I really hope that whatever this undertone of “back and forth emotional stuff” for lack of a better way for me to come up with the words (I need Marite here who could express it far better than I), that it really stops and that people think a bit more about it being discussions on topics and sharing of experiences, both good and bad and supporting one another but a little less emotion attached to the back and forth dialogue. I think there are ways of disagreeing that are just more pleasant to read and if it is gonna get into that gray area, maybe think twice before you say it here. As I said, on a few threads lately, I did not even want to join in because it just felt like an undertone of volatility (is that a word? I could never pass the SATs today, forgive me). So, let’s just all be aware of it because while I did not see whatever Marite is referring to and missed it, I hate to think that such a thread or experience would drive away one of the most respected and loved posters on this forum. </p>
<p>I have met Marite in person when she graciously invited me to her home for lunch. This is a woman of depth, compassion and wisdom. She has so much to offer when it comes to anything to do with children and education that some folks here have no idea, in terms of her own background. A loss of Marite on the forums, for a reason having anything to do with any posts, is a very terrible loss. </p>
<p>I hope Marite reconsiders and gives it a chance. I feel confident that moderators will not want to lose this poster and will be keeping whatever it was in check. </p>
<p>Love ya Marite.
Susan</p>
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</p>
<p>Uh xiggi as you have used some direct words from my post, I am assuming you are pointing the finger at me for ruining the wonderful feelings on CC. Excuse me, but I thought this forum was for obtaining help and returning it to others. If the post of my son’s experience is offensive to people I apologize to them.
However I do not apologize to you because I think you are an extremely arrogant and self-serving individual.
It must be nice to be so superior to others.</p>
<p>Marite,
Hearing about how your son finds Harvard this fall is one of the reasons I want to stick around. I hope that you will reconsider, and I echo the others’ responses about how helpful you have been to me. I will never forget when I first joined CC in the winter of 2003 that you gently chided me for calling my son “scattered.” You insisted that he was interesting, not scattered. That gave me a much needed shot of confidence to help him pursue a couple of specific reach schools and not shoot too low. I’ll miss you if you go, but I do understand.</p>
<p>marite, don’t leave. I have only been here a couple months, and have learned so much from you! Yes, sometimes people can get testy when they are hurting, but isn’t that what we are here for? To help? And then the irritability should work itself away. As to andi, I and many of us feel for you and have empathized and listened to the horror story you are living with. I, for one, do not think that your thread of your story would have kept marite or anyone else away. It just made me want to cry and find a way to help. If someone doesn’t want to read it they don’t have to. Those that posted obviously felt differently, and you and your wonderful son have received many warm wishes from those people. If they didn’t care about you, they wouldn’t have responded. I think that marite and a few others have gotten disillusioned by some of the unporductively nasty tones used by a very few here in response to a situation that we have every right to post - we hurt, we laugh, we cry, we bleed. This shouldn’t just be a things are great - things are fine site. We learn not just through our triumphs but through our failures and inexplicable results. We are here to learn and to support. And a very few have seemed to forget that. I have seen a couple nasty personal attacks, but I am still here. I simply will not read anything from those particular people. I have enough on my to wast eenergy on being upset with them. marite, with her warm and tender heart doesn’t like to see these either, doesn’t like to see people hurt by those that should be understanding and supportive, or should say nothing. I don’t mean one can’t disagree - many have with me - but discourse and meanness are 2 different things. I have learned things from disagreements, but discount any points that seem cruel or divisive, even if there is a good point made somewhere in the personal affront. andi, God bless you and your S - I just don’t know how you are living through this. marite, please let me continue to learn from your wisdom, and allow me to get to know you even better.</p>
<p>As a long time lurker/researcher, but infrequent poster, I think I will chime in this time. </p>
<p>I have learned lots here, and Im very grateful that thanks to posters like Marite I can help my junior make a more informed college decision. Every time I came back to the site to research a particular college or figure out the difference between ED and EA, I could always count with valuable information and intelligent discussions.</p>
<p>I do see a change in CC lately. I hope that I do not offend because it is not my intention. However, information and intelligent discussions that dont involve a high degree of self-involvement are harder to find these days. There is lots of ME and MINE and a lot less valuable dialogue among posters. I think that this might be due to the fact that many posters have become so personally involved in the community. Since Im an outsider looking in, I might have this all wrong. Not the first time, either.</p>
<p>However, it is a real shame that the cliquishness, bickering, defensiveness, and excessive silliness of some posts will make this site a less valuable place to visit.</p>
<p>Well I regret one post about having the kid relegated to Rice go work with the homeless. I still support this, but it was way too abrupt. </p>
<p>I think part of the problem is just the time of the year leading to frustration. Most of our kids have made their decisions and so have the schools. Now that we have helped our kids with that aspect of their education, we are entering a sort of frustrating waiting period with nothing happening. The kids , however, are busy with proms and graduation and haven’t entered that period of waiting yet.</p>
<p>Many of us are wondering whether it is thus time to move on, but the site, the many issues surrounding education, and the personalities are addicting.</p>
<p>Hey, I am looking for interesting forums, probably political, to hang out on, if anyone has any suggestions.</p>
<p>
They are spectacular…</p>
<p>
I am not sure I entirely understand this statement. I have learned an incredible amount from those who post about their own experiences, whether they be about transfering, testing, not getting into selected schools or whatever else. We each bring our very own stories and perspectives to this forum, and those, in and of themselves, ARE educational, at least to me. ~berurah</p>
<p>A lot can sure happen while Im asleep. As one whos been on the receiving and giving end of one of those acrimonious threads I can neither defend them nor disparage them. (The West Side Story lyric But they began it keeps going through my head.) </p>
<p>People are sensitive all of us and when it comes to our kids the instinct to protect our young sometimes goes into overdrive, but the line between defending your point of view and annihilating the opposition is hardly fine. Im not one for sentimentality; however, erring on the side of consideration is just common decency (and common sense when opportunities for payback abound.)</p>
<p>The whole college application and acceptance is overloaded with two devastating anxieties first rejection then separation. Once we get over the first, the second kicks in. Nerves can be RAW. Over-reactions and misinterpretations common. I think we need to be cognizant of our ability to sting but also willing to accept well-intended criticism. </p>
<p>Where I live in Asia, conflict is assiduously avoided. The people are often compared to volcanic mountains: peaceful, serene until they erupt. From an early age they are taught to seek consensus, dont make waves, fit in with the group, so when they are faced with an abrasive action or a harsh word (God forbid, a blunt plain speaking American!) they have no mechanism to express their dissent. Teaching my staff to take a proactive approach to conflict resolution has been my biggest challenge as a manager here. My general advice: address issues quickly and dont allow them to fester; dont generalize or allow issues to spill over on to you always, focus on the situation at hand. Im going to try to start taking my own advice.</p>
<p>Marite, take a breather but please dont abandon us. We do so want to hear how your adorable and accomplished son does at Harvard. Although my son was safely ensconced in college at the time that we met I really enjoyed our discussions about the unique and quirky life of the gifted child. You have so much to offer.</p>
<p>Andi,
I learned so much about your post and I want to say it would be very boring if we all behave so sensibly, ie no argument, no bickering, etc…just my 2 cents and I’m from Asia too.</p>
<p>“People are sensitive all of us and when it comes to our kids the instinct to protect our young sometimes goes into overdrive, but the line between defending your point of view and annihilating the opposition is hardly fine. Im not one for sentimentality; however, erring on the side of consideration is just common decency (and common sense when opportunities for payback abound.)”</p>
<p>Bingo.</p>
<p>“However I do not apologize to you because I think you are an extremely arrogant and self-serving individual. It must be nice to be so superior to others.”</p>
<p>Andi, when it comes to apologies, you must be confusing me with someone. I do not expect anyone to apologize, nor do I demand apologies on this forum. </p>
<p>In the meantime, I take good note of your ad hominem attack. I will simply respond that you are in no position to judge me because you know absolutely NOTHING about me. However, if you want to judge our mutual contributions to CC, be my guest! Obviously, you were not around for most of the time when I posted two or three thousand self-serving and arrogant posts in the SAT help forum, or where you? Before deciding to post a direct attack, have at least the decency to read a bit about posters, and check the history of this site. </p>
<p>If my being self-serving and arrogant stems from disagreeing with your aggressive and distorted views on AA and athletic admissions, so be it. I’d rather let this board read the thread -that was started by Digmedia and dealt with disappointments- and make an educated judgment about whom is arrogant and self-serving. </p>
<p>Take a good look at yourself and check the story of the pot and the kettle!</p>
<p>Enough already! I certainly hope that we do not teach our children to react the way that I have seen these last couple days. Common courtesy and being polite is a virtue. As a teacher, I hear a lot from my students and more from their parents. The one thing I try to stress is not what you say, but how you say it. Kicking someone who is down is NOT the way to settle a disagreement. Perhaps PMs and stating positions without recriminations or personal attacks might be more adult and keep people like marite on the site. I also would love to hear how her S likes H - and would love to hear how other posters’ children like their schools. Perhaps it will sound like crowing, or lamenting, or just sounding off, but it will also give insight to others contemplating those schools. Plus, I feel like we all “know” one another, and as we shared the application process, so I would like to share the completion/beginning of the next stage. And sometimes, in the wee hours, when someone like me, a single mom, who will be an empty nester, needs a sympathetic ear, I can find one here. But I won’t if I keep seeing such meanness and hurtful diatribes.</p>
<p>
andi has contributed GREATLY to this forum in many ways, not the least of which is with her “What went wrong” thread which has received over 335 posts and over 35,000 hits. Obviously she has spoken to many people here, and those people can relate in some way to what has happened to her very deserving son. In addition (and throughout all of her hardship), she has shown untold kindness to and support of others. She has NEVER failed to graciously congraulate all those who were successful. She is a wonderful role model for everyone on this board, particularly those who could benefit from lessons in grace and dignity. I would ask that you please not address andi in this fashion.</p>
<p>Learning to issue an apology is important.</p>
<p>andi is not deserving of your vindictiveness, xiggi. Please show some respect for your elders. </p>
<p>~berurah, mother to six VERY respectful kids</p>
<p>This thread is about Marite saying good-bye to CC. However, it is mutating into something else. Do we really want another thread to be deleted?</p>
<p>Marite, this too shall pass. Please take a break and come back. As a fellow educator, I always value your posts.</p>
<p>Respect is something you earn. </p>
<p>Again, check the posts, and especially your threads. How many attacks by me can you find? In turn, check your own. I do not forget threads easily. Remember the Curmudgeon apology? The disappointment thread? </p>
<p>The record stands easily on its own.</p>
<p>berurah</p>
<p>Let me try to explain my ME and MINE comment. Of course, any information, advice, or observation has to be put in context of personal experience. Thats valuable to me. What becomes less valuable to me is when posters make it all about them and their great children. The focus then becomes validation instead of information. There is obviously angst and anxiety inherent in the process and it is wonderful to have such a great support group. However, when so many posts become so very personal and emotional, I begin to distrust the objectivity of the poster and the advice given. It becomes meaningless shatter to me. Again, thats just me. Others, of course, can disagree.</p>
<p>I have gotten from CC great college information and advice. I have come to expect interesting and intelligent and sometimes heated discussions about education. An empathy or sympathy fest, I would not expect from a virtual community. Really, I think there is no wrong or right here. It is just a matter of personality and perspective. I think thats why Im better suited to the life of a lurker.</p>