Lots of good ideas already mentioned here, and I thought I’d offer few additional thoughts.
Regarding Oberlin, if you’re serious about your D studying with Con faculty (as opposed to grad students) as a non-conservatory student, you should reach out and ask them if they do that. With my son, we got a flat no from the Con prof for his instrument. The same applies to Bard (though Bard seems to offer private lessons on some instruments for non-conservatory kids – again, you should look into the specifics for percussion)
Regarding Wesleyan, I was a very happy drummer there 30 years ago, but I’m not sure how strong their classical percussion is. If your D is interested in any kind of world music percussion, however, from West African to South Indian to Javanese Gamelan, it’s amazing. Pheeroan Aklaff, and outstanding jazz drummer, also teaches there. Probably a good cultural fit for your D
Thumbs up on Skidmore,too – an “arty bordering on hipster” kid could definitely thrive there, as they have a very artsy student body in general. I’ve heard that their orchestra, which also includes members of the Saratoga Springs community, is quite good, and they have a goodly number of music majors. I don’t know anything about their percussion, however.
I’ve heard good things about the music departments at both Williams and Vassar, but we didn’t research them carefully because they were big reaches for my S, and offer no merit aid.
Some LACs with strong academics that have either a School of Music or a conservatory [l]that is readilty accessible to non-majors* include:
St. Olaf, as mentioned by @choirsandstages. Really terrific program there with two full orchestras and two symphonic bands
Lawrence U: Has a conservatory. We didn’t visit because they didn’t have much of a computer science program (which was a priority for my S), but I’ve only heard good things.
Gettyburg: pretty close to NYC and has a conservatory. I’d want to take a hard look at whether it felt like a good cultural fit for your D – it’s a pretty sporty/preppy place with a strong frat culture
U. of Puget Sound: This is where my S is headed. Terrific School of Music with a lot of student participation, very liberal laid-back student body. Might be a good fit for a kid of your D’s ilk, but it’s all the way across the country in Tacoma, WA
Your D would probably get merit aid at any the 4 schools listed above, and I think they all offer music scholarships (even to non-majors) as well. Wes and Skidmore, unfortunately, offer no merit aid. Skidmore does have a highly selective music scholarship (I think they give out 5), which is $12K/yr, I believe. You’d have to run some of the NPC’s to get a feel for need-based aid levels at the different schools.
A few others you might want to take a look at include:
Furman
Rollins
Illinois Wesleyan
Good luck!