<p>FLVADAD, your wife has my sympathy. My mother is afraid of flying, and ironically she has had some of the more harrowing flying experiences of anyone I know. For example, on a trans-Atlantic flight–she was alone, naturally–they had to turn around and go back, dump fuel in the ocean, and land on foam on a runway surrounded by emergency vehicles! Other trans-Atlantic experiences included flying for hours <em>through</em> a lightning storm in a prop plane, back in the days before commercial jet flights.</p>
<p>Note to posters: It’s not the daughter who’s afraid to fly; it’s mom. So mom thinks she’ll never see daughter again.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>D1 has no fear of flying. It’s my wife. That’s one of the reasons she’s so distraught about D1 being so far away.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes, there’s definitely an end date. I basically said the same thing to DW. However, she did some digging of her own and learned that virtually all the fellows over the last few years have remained there longterm. I see that as a good sign in terms of the quality of their work environment and future opportunities. Wife views it as a gravitational pull that will keep the family apart. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You’re right. We assumed too little and were not prepared for this to be a serious issue right now. It’s a curve ball that we did not spend time contemplating. It’s sort of an embarrassment of riches with a nasty little string attached. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>DW insisted D1 attend a school not too far during the college search. I vehemently disagreed with such limitations. Turns out the perfect place ended up being only an hour away so that squelched our disagreement. But two later, I was offered a great professional opportunity that required us to move. Wife was reluctant. I promised to build her new house. We moved about 12 hours away, and have torn up the highways ever since. She got used to it because although a long trip, we are road warriors and could still make it in a day. D2 is also about the same distance now. However, D1 will now be at least a two day drive away. That’s a little more daunting for someone who refuses to fly.</p>
<p>Sounds and looks like that mom is going to get an MacBook. Daughter may not like it.</p>
<p>(MacBook comes with a camera. ) Assuming that D probably already has one, and if not, you are going to get two. Maybe D can still get a MacBook using the student discount.?</p>
<p>Congrats.</p>
<p>Congrats to D.</p>
<p>Congrats to dad for being such a peach. You clearly want to be in both your D’s corner and your W’s corner at the same time. And you are. So, now it’s not just rough on DW, it’s rough on you as well. </p>
<p>You know, 2 day’s drive is not all that daunting. After what DS just went through on his holiday flight home (arrived 14 hours later than ETA and on Day 2 instead of Day 1, with no weather involved on either his origin or destination points), driving sometimes seems a lot more appealing. </p>
<p>I do think it is a great idea to see if professionals can help your wife with her fear of flying. She’s probably already thought of this, but consider the alternative (being faced by many college seniors and their families right now): no job prospect at all. If your W is anything like me, she would much prefer a happy D and some stress for herself over a nearby but stressed-out non-employed D.</p>
<p>Your family may be used to being together multiple times a year, and some families are fortunate to live near each other their whole lives, but many of us see our parents/kids only a few times a year. Phone/Skype with camera/texting/Instant Messaging - all of these can keep the closeness.</p>
<p>OOPS… I read the original post too quickly.
I do like to have my Ss close by, though not because of fear of flying, so I can sympathize.
Chances are that it will be your D coming home rather than you and your wife going to see her. Even with S being a couple of hours or so away, I have not been to his apartment since he moved there. He does come home (soon now) for long weekends and holidays.
If the job does not begin immediately, perhaps there will be time to get used to the idea, and work out some ways of keeping close.I also suggest Skype with a webcam.</p>
<p>Thanks again for your comments. I’m probably over sharing here, but some of the issues are rooted in two facts. First, we have virtually nothing in the way of extended family. It’s been pretty much just the five of us in our family circle so there’s always been a sense of us being on an island. </p>
<p>Secondly, by all accounts DW was a brilliant student in high school, but became the breadwinner once her mother died unexpectedly. Though she still finished at the top of her class at 16, college was not an option. She and her mother were very close and I suspect DW has never gotten over the untimliness of her passing. She had a stong sense of abandonment during that time which has undoubtedly influenced the closeness she shares with each of us. I have tried evrything I can think of to help her develop outside interests, pursuits, etc. Years ago, I even enrolled her in college without her knowing about it to help her resume her academic interests, and gave it to her as a gift. She did fabulously with that for about a year (perfect GPA) until an unexpected pregnancy. I’ve never been able to get her to go back since then. She continued working for many years, but it’s always been about the family for her, first and foremost. And I must say, she has been an exceptional parent. </p>
<p>However, it’s been difficult lately as our girls transition into adulthood. Yes, I’m often stuck in the middle being able to completely identify with all sides 100%. I really do. But our kids are fast becoming exactly the kind of adults we raised them to be, that we hoped they’d be. Unfortunately, that type of success requires them to venture out now, and perhaps even further in the future. It sounds melodramatic, but they are not just ours anymore. DW is fighting this tooth and nail. And not to stererotype, but in a house full of women, the emotions can run a little too intense for me at times. Nothing explosive mind you, just intense. </p>
<p>For the most part, I feel I’ve done a good job keeping the lid on things and seeing to it that everyone gets what they need as circumstances evolve. But this sort of jumped out in a matter of just a couple of days and I didn’t have a chance to lay the groundwork. I suspect it will temper the tone of the holiday somewhat, but afterwards everyone will adjust and move on. </p>
<p>We are still fairly young as far as parents go. D1 was born before I was out of college. With all the upheaval (I am truly dreading the day our youngest leaves in another 20 months or so), I am beginning to give some serious thought to adoption. It’s clear we have still have plenty to give, and the reality is we’ve done a good job with our kids and they really don’t need us as much anymore-- just the way it should be, I guess. But DW and I don’t seem prepared to cut the strings well enough. My girls are in no way rebellious nor do they reflect we are being too claustrophobic. That’s not their nature. However, it’s clear to me they need some breathing room. It’s merely the natural course of things. However, I am finding it tough to deal with the tension it’s creating where DW is concerned, not to mention kicking against my own selfish instincts. This too shall pass. </p>
<p>Thanks to everyone here for allowing me to lean on you a bit. I really appreciate it. I am leaving the office now, on my way to indulging in far too much of the 20 year old single malt scotch I’ve had tucked away for just such an occaision as coronating D1 as an adult equal. This will be fun, and I mean that sincerely. </p>
<p>Happy holidays to all.</p>