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<p>What? You mean some of the stuff found on the internet isn’t true? What a shocker! I don’t think that has ever ocurred to anyone before.</p>
<p>But when someone posts an untruth on public display it may make you a dupe for believing it, but it doesn’t make you a creep for reading it - no more than reading an untrue newspaper story or advertisement does.</p>
<p>Oh, just as an aside, my children are not allowed to provide identifying information about themselves online; it’s a household rule. I periodically Google <em>them</em>, and if I find them, they get in trouble. As a result, my son’s name nets <em>one</em> response on Google, and it’s just a list of people who registered for an event several years ago. Now, he’s active on the future student communities online for his school, but if his future roommate wants to find out dirt about him online, the roommate’s not gonna find much. </p>
<p><em>Because</em> information lingers on the net for a <em>long</em> time, I’ve taught my children to manage their online presences carefully. I’m actually kind of proud that my son has handled it so well. I have explained that it’s like their credit scores; it’s important to be careful about it <em>before</em> you need it to be good.</p>
<p>I am curious about what so concerns people about finding info about others on the Internet.</p>
<p>From what is true of my family, what’s about us on the Internet correctly reflects our interests and values. Google my name and city, and you learn about a recent peace activity that I recently coordinated in my city, and about a nonviolence program that I am a facilitator for. Until recently, you also could see a complete overview of my profesional background as well as pictures of my family – something that I had done as part of a web design fellowship program.</p>
<p>With my older S, one can find many by-lined newspaper articles that he published, things that correctly reflected his interest in journalism.</p>
<p>With younger S, one can find recent articles and even links to some broadcast stories about projects he has coordinated through his Americorps position, and one can find info about a major local prize he won, and about a school project he did. For years, one also could see info about a play that he starred in when he was in elementary school.</p>
<p>For H, one can find out some info about his professional activities.</p>
<p>None of this info includes state secrets. I’m not creeped out if anyone Googles my family or me. Indeed, I expect that people will do things like that. </p>
<p>In fact, because of a volunteer position that I have with one of my alma maters, I routinely Google my classmates to provide info about them to my alma mater’s magazine.</p>
<p>The only people I can imagine having reason to be creeped out by people checking them out on the Internet are people who have done things like get in trouble with the law (I’m sure that the people in the sexual offenders registry don’t want others to find them nor do people whose crimes have gotten press coverage) and those who are dumb enough to use their real names in on-line blogs.</p>
<p>When it comes to things in real life did you know that there are people who – when you apply for a job or membership in an organization – will drive by your house to check out your car, neighborhood and home? I wasn’t aware of that until recently. I find that lots odder than hearing about someone doing a Google search, but I still don’t think that someone who drives by an applicant’s house is creepy.</p>
<p>Northstarmom, it’s not about what other people will find, it’s about boundaries, and it’s also about quality of information. Google my daughter, about 300 web pages come up - all awards, honors, etc. Google me, and speaking engagements, more awards, etc. all come up. But most people don’t realize that google only reaches about 17% or so of the internet at any one time. There is an entire hidden internet, about 7,000,000 quintillion web pages that are never indexed, that will not be captured by any search engine. The use of google to evaluate a person is ridiculous because it’s so incomplete, and tells only a tiny fraction of what that person is all about. It also may provide a false sense of security or even credentials - people who are media savvy can look great on the internet, but in reality can be rather unreliable or even incompetent. </p>
<p>I liken it to spying - sort of like the colleague who wanders over to your desk, and reads what you’re typing on your computer, or the notes and papers on your desk, or, perhaps the airline passenger in the next seat over who reads what you’re working on. There is such a thing as respecting and honoring space and boundaries. It’s probably fine if the relationship is directly with you - but - the thread is about googling others your son or daughter will come into contact with at college. In my opinion, those relationships do not belong to the parents, and parents should not be snooping around on them. </p>
<p>Driving by someone’s house? Totally over the top. There’s no reason to do that to people, it’s totally creepy and uncalled for (and what value is that anyway? to see if the grass is cut? or if the yard is clean? and checking out someone’s car??? WHY???) and if someone did it to me, and I found out about it, I would end the relationship, immediately. Of course, if someone told me they needed to do a home inspection, and made an appointment with me, that would be different. But to snoop around and do it without telling me? Totally creepy…</p>
<p>"The use of google to evaluate a person is ridiculous because it’s so incomplete, and tells only a tiny fraction of what that person is all about. :</p>
<p>The same can be said of virtually any evaluation method. For instance, presumably parents when dropping their freshmen off at college try to get to know the student’s roommates and the roommates’ families a bit. Some judgements arise from those snippets of info gleaned in a few moments of interaction, info that is far less than one often can find out by surfing Google. Every day, we all judge people on far less info than one would get in many Google searches. </p>
<p>In the case of my husband, younger S and me, by using our names and city to surf the Internet, one can actually get a fairly good picture of who we are and what we stand for. Of course, if one confuses me with a certain well known celebrity who shares my name, one won’t get any picture of who I am, but one would have to be really dumb to do that since the celebrity and I live in different cities, are different races, ages, and have nothing in common.</p>
<p>“Driving by someone’s house? Totally over the top. There’s no reason to do that to people, it’s totally creepy and uncalled for (and what value is that anyway? to see if the grass is cut? or if the yard is clean? and checking out someone’s car??? WHY???) and if someone did it to me, and I found out about it, I would end the relationship, immediately.”</p>
<p>The person who told me about this one said he lived in the same neighborhood as does a local person who runs a citywide leadership program for prominent adult residents. He assumed that the program excecutive had driven by his house before selecting him for the program. Frankly, I was surprised that the man considered that anyone would do such a thing, and his making that assumption (which I think probably was based on his own habit checking out people by driving past people’s homes) reflected his own shallow values.</p>
<p>Presumably what one can gain by driving by people’s homes is some idea of how much money they may make.</p>
<p>What’s funny is that I’ve known the person who runs that leadership program for a long time and what interests that person is things like what kind of community service one does. I have never seen any indication that she’s influenced by the size of one’s house or the type of car one drives.</p>
<p>I do think that checking out public info about a person Google – things like newspaper articles, club announcements – is perfectly fine and not analogous at all to looking over someone’s shoulder to see what they are typing. Now, using some kind of program to read someone’s e-mail or see their Internet bank statements or frequent flyer account would be creepy and wrong.</p>
<p>Well, I’ve said it over and over, as have others: it’s not “googling” that is th issue, to me–it’s investigating your adult child’s future roommate. To me, that is a coddling level of intrusiveness taken to a bizarre level–“I need to know about your roommate before you tell me them.” Why? It’s just so insulting, to me, of your child–trust them to learn and deal with the person themselves–the information shouldn’t come from you.</p>
<p>Again, it…is…not…about…the…googling…itself…okay?</p>
<p>It is about appropriate boundaries and learning to trust and let go of your adult or very soon to be adult child.</p>
<p>I hear what you’re saying, garland, I’m just agreeing to disagree. I don’t think it’s bizarre or overly intrusive, but it’s ok if you do.</p>
<p>nsm</p>
<p>I find that the google entries that come up for me describe me really well. Same for my son–I was HOPING admissions people would google him, because his entries confirm everything on his application.</p>
<p>Being borderline Aspergers and with a S with Aspergers I am finding this thread quite interesting since in many ways it illustrates how the internet is effecting and changing many of the unwritten social rules concerning acceptable behavior and the development of interpersonal relationships - rules which apparently seem to be just as confusing to the rest of the world as to me! The internet has been a godsend for many of us since it allows us to “collect and interpret” data about our world in more ways than existed in the past. And thus allows us to not always HAVE to live outside our comfort zone as we develop relationships with other. Of course, we need to take anything read on the internet with a grain of salt. </p>
<p>Although I have never been called creepy or even bizarre before now…although I take some comfort since apparently there are a lot of us out there! LOL</p>
<p>That being said, it seems a little bizarre to me that anyone would feel so strongly by the idea of a complete stranger googling the name of their kid’s (another complete stranger) new roommate (yet another complete stranger, to parent/kid, and one whom the kid has absolutely no connection with. YET). </p>
<p>Regardless of how one views googling, it seems a little too judgmental to accuse another parent of being intrusive, inappropriate, snooping, interfering, creepy, bizarre, etc., basically implying that in a situation like this, googling is a reflection of bad parenting. Even though they themselves know nothing about the person who did the googling, or their kid or the new roommate, and know nothing about their intent or reason for googling, aside from what is being assumed due to the fact that the googler is a PARENT. Even though S or D must have shared the name of the new roommate with the parent. Yet it seems ok (or at least more ok, although some are still on the fence on this) for S or D to hit the search button, as if they have some special proprietary or ownership rights to anything that exists on the internet relating to this as of yet unknown new roommate, the moment they received that name in the mail.</p>
<p>And, of course it IS all about the googling. Googling a stranger who may or may not develop some sort of relationship with your child does not in and of itself have anything to do with your trust in your child. At least, for most of us, it doesn’t. S or D did not “choose” this person to be his/her roommate; what that person turns out to be like is not a reflection on them - and will also rarely be revealed in a mere google, so how can googling that person be insulting to your own child or interfering with the parent/child relationship? It is only when something harmful or inappropriate is done with the information that is obtained that we need be concerned, not the act of googling itself. And, yes, that is ALL this thread was about, as far as I can tell! We should not be assuming that one action automatically “means” something else or jump to conclusions based on “what if’s”. Of course we do not “need” to google. We do not need to do a lot of things but still do them. Sometimes for no other reason than plain human curiosity. </p>
<p>Of course, I am now left wondering: is it ok to google the name of DS’s professors or not?</p>
<p>What are you looking for then? If you start with a Google and have more questions do you pay for the info searches that could be done for a small fee. Do you hire a PI to dig deeper? Do you research girlfriends/boyfriends? There’s lots of stuff on the Internet that I could look at but don’t. Some of it can land you in jail in this country.</p>
<p>SM–I will admit I was being pretty strong in language, partly out of my frustration because I still think there are two separate issues and that didn’t seem to be coming across.</p>
<p>obviously the student didn’t pick the roommate; by trust I meant–let the kid deal with it–let him learn about the roommate, and let him tell you what he does and doesn’t want to tell you.</p>
<p>Basically, let him own his life. It is differently parenting styles, and you are right; just because i would approach it differently doesn’t make another approach bad parenting.</p>
<p>Like Bethie says, we’ll just have to agree to see things differently.</p>
<p>I have to agree with Garland. Making a comparison between the chit chat you may have with roommate’s parents on move-in day and the info that is available on google just doesn’t hold water. What in heaven’s name are you trying to find out anyway?? I think the best approach is to finally back-off and let the kids figure it out on thir own.</p>
<p>This gives me the oppurtunity to bring up a great quote from, the Simpsons</p>
<p>That’s what it is?
and all this time i thought googling yourself meant the other thing</p>
<p>Well, both result in meaningless self-gratification so…</p>
<p>Lol!!!</p>
<p>Then, there’s the issue of google search records and log files are kept for at least a period of time (I think it’s three years), and some sites SIMILAR to Intellus are actually reverse sting operations for federal government agencies: they want to know who people are looking for. In another example, someone is assaulted, or raped, or worse, law enforcement has tools available to find out who may have searched for that person on the internet. </p>
<p>Whatever, I think Garland had it right - it’s not about the googling, in my mind, it’s really about intruding into someone else’s business, possibly uninvited.</p>
<h1>126: “I sat down with my Mom at her request and showed her my future roommate’s Facebook the day I found out his name. It wound up being a good thing too- Facebook (which lets you see a person’s interests, beliefs, friends, and photos) is a much better resource than google, which tends to focus only on a person’s most public life.”</h1>
<p>You make a good point, but one that can also be debated. When my older daughter (now a rising college soph) first saw her roommate-to-be’s Facebook (not having met or spoken with her yet), she was distraught. The girl portrayed herself as wild as a banshee in every way imaginable–a tough talker, outlandish dresser, some not-so-nice pictures, etc., etc. When my daughter let me peek at her Facebook pages, I’ll admit to being somewhat taken aback–and I assure you, I’m no prude. As it turns out, this girl is one of the nicest, most interesting people my daughter has ever met. Wild, perhaps a bit. But also smart, studious, decent, kind, and a gifted athlete and writer. They will happily be rooming together again this fall. My point is, the girl’s Facebook did not give any real indication of what kind of person she is. You never know when someone’s just having fun with you, or putting up a facade for public consumption.</p>
<p>“I have to agree with Garland. Making a comparison between the chit chat you may have with roommate’s parents on move-in day and the info that is available on google just doesn’t hold water. What in heaven’s name are you trying to find out anyway?? I think the best approach is to finally back-off and let the kids figure it out on thir own.”</p>
<p>One can Google and let the kids figure things out on their own just as one can have an opinion and not share it.</p>
<p>“It is about appropriate boundaries and learning to trust and let go of your adult or very soon to be adult child.”</p>
<p>I don’t see Goggling one’s adult child’s roommates as having anything to do with trust, but having a lot to do with simple curiosity. I wouldn’t care if my adult child Googled my friends or acquaintances. I wouldn’t care if my kids’ roommates or the rooommates’ parents Googled my student or me.</p>
<p>OK, how about this one? My 15 year old daughter met a guy at the pool at Disney last month, he was turning 18 this summer. He lives about 400 miles away but I can see from the cell phone bill that they’ve been doing a lot of texting over the last month, and I know she’s been talking to him on IM. So without telling her, I Googled him. Found some very disturbing info (police report in the newspaper) about a guy with the same first & last name, same town, but age 21. I’m pretty sure D’s friend is 18, as Google also revealed his name on a list of h.s. graduates this year, and he was also listed in the appropriate grade in his h.s. newsletter. Also his screen name is his initials followed by his birthdate, last 2 digits are 89. His last name is fairly unusual (I’d never heard it before), but an internet phone book showed 16 listings with his last name in his town. I’m thinking the accused felon is probably a semi-distant relative, because there wouldn’t be 2 brothers with the same first name. Any opinions?</p>
<p>A young man who was arrested for horribly destructive vandalism of our high school (on the day before his 18th birthday) has the same last name as our family (no relation though) and lives in our town. His first name is the same as my son’s middle name and their birthdays fall within the same week, although my son is one year older. When the vandal was arrested, reporters called our house to “interview the family” of the criminal, because they looked up the last name in the phone book and found us listed. I wouldn’t want anyone to judge my son by what they found by Googling the other young man with our last name, and I suggest that you don’t worry about the information you found on the 21 year old. It is not relevant to your daughter’s friend.</p>
<p>“there wouldn’t be 2 brothers with the same first name”</p>
<p>oh I don’t know about that - George Foreman has 5 or 6 sons and they are all named George! (I believe they all have different mothers)</p>
<p>[Sort of O/T but just one example of the meaningless stuff you can find from googling]</p>