<p>One of the couples had an abusive relationship. He abused her - physically and mentally. She actually had a fund of money that one of my relatives kept in case she decided this was the “time” she would actually leave. She stayed more out of financial reasons - just those you described mom2collegekids. </p>
<p>The other couple seemed fine on the surface, but the husband had a mistress for over 20 years. Wifey knew about it but didn’t leave because of the kids. When the kids grew up and moved out, she just stayed. But was a shell of the woman she was before.</p>
<p>Right…unless there are some horrid issues going on (abuse, infidelities, etc), people need to think of their spouses like they do their kids…you love them no matter what. </p>
<p>Our kids disappoint us and annoy us at times, but we don’t divorce them.</p>
<p>I wanted to “divorce” my teenage son when he was about 15, but sadly that didn’t happen. (Now I know why that isn’t allowed! OMG - can you imagine how many teens would be on their own after irritating their parents once too many times?) </p>
<p>Fortunately he turned out just fine and we are living in bliss, again.</p>
<p>But doesn’t prove the point? We put up with anything with our kids, but give up quite easily with spouses. (again, I’m not talking about incidents of abuse or infidelities or other horrid things).</p>
<p>I think the first ten years of my marriage were much, much harder than the second ten years. I am hoping the next decade will be even easier.</p>
<p>I don’t necessarily think it is easier marrying earlier rather than later in life. You definitely have to choose a good partner, to begin with. Patience is good - although I seem to have less of it, the older I get. Realizing that some things will always annoy you and others will bring you great joy - maybe at almost the same time - also is helpful.</p>
<p>With regards to Tipper and Al, you gotta wonder how much time they could make for each other during those key years when the kids were little. Did they just become disinterested in each other’s lives? Travelling so much, being distracted, different priorities, running campaigns. Hell on marriage, I would think - no matter how good.</p>
<p>Do you what I think is weird? When couple fights a lot (and maybe splits up) over arguing about the kids. Such as…one parent accusing the other parent of being too lenient or over-indulging. Or, one parent blaming the other for the child(ren)'s bad behavior.</p>
<p>I often wonder, what are you accomplishing by splitting up? Once apart, each parent can pretty much do whatever they want with the kids and may even do a worse job of parenting, because the other parent isn’t there to put the brakes on anything.</p>
<p>Samurai, as you know from our previous conversations, my beloved daughters both could be a royal pain-in-the-arse. I would have divorced one or the other many times over, if I could! Fortunately, it’s not that easy. But husband and wife divorce does seem to be. … Granted, physical/mental abuse and serial infidelity are horrible, I’ve seen people divorce for much, much less than that. The tired old “we’ve grown apart” excuse seems to be a catch-all.</p>
<p>I am assuming there will be grandbabies (or are there some, already?) How awkward those family moments will be.</p>
<p>Absolutely…that’s why unless there is some real horridness going on, I can’t imagine going thru all the family stuff (new babies, weddings, graduations, holidays, etc) as divorced people.</p>
<p>my beloved daughters both could be a royal pain-in-the-arse. I would have divorced one or the other many times over, if I could! Fortunately, it’s not that easy. But husband and wife divorce does seem to be.</p>
<p>When my younger son was 2-3, he was AWFUL…just unbelievable!!! I remember telling my mom, “I love him, but I don’t like him right now.” LOL</p>
<p>And, imagine how awkward it is for a New Love to be at all these “family moments” with everyone reminiscing and such about times when the former spouses were together. Oh, remember how much fun we had a Disney World in 2000? or Remember when mom and dad got us new bikes for Christmas? or Remember when we all went to ________________ and we all laughed so hard that our stomachs hurt? </p>
<p>I would think that the new love would feel like a permanent outsider. </p>
<p>Seriously, this kind of stuff would have to come up when a marriage has lasted this long. Right?</p>
<p>Unlike many, they both have the full lives on their own, and means to support themselves. Maybe it won’t be acrimonious, and each will regroup with someone with common interests. Disliked much of the man’s politics, but hope he gets a soul mate and continues to have a rich life. Same for Tipper. Orders of magnitude better than the Tiger/tigress situation.</p>
<p>Let’s wait a few weeks. There will be more to this story.</p>
<p>Why would they buy a huge mansion in Montecito just a few weeks ago, per the LA Times real estate section? </p>
<p>Maybe it was bought for Tipper and Al will get the mansion in Nashville and the farm and the apartment in San Francisco. </p>
<p>In any event things must have been pretty bad for them not to be able to tolerate each other any more. Heck they could stay married and never see each other as they moved separately from mansion to farm to other mansion to apartment. </p>
<p>My guess is one of them has plans to marry someone else.</p>