GPA, Disappointment, Friends

<p>Hello guys! It's nearing the end of the semester and grades are obviously being assigned for core pre-reqs. I am currently a first semester freshman as are my friends who also happen to be all in the premed track. Like all other premeds across the country, we have our own worries of our GPAs but then we also tend to "worry" about how good other GPAs are becaues while we are friends, we're always in competition. I'm not saying it's cutthroat but more of a dissapointed feeling (e.g. "he got better grades than i did, I feel sad for not trying hard enough"). So my question is can I lie about my GPA to my friends to make them feel better? If they thought my GPA was lower than it really was, maybe they wouldn't harbor those feelings of sadness, guilt, and who knows, even envy. I realize premed is going to be competitive so if i make others think I'm not much of a competition but rather a friend, maybe I can go through with this process much more easily than others who are in constant direct competition. Simply put, I don't want my friends to feel bad about their GPAs because they didn't match up to mine. Sooner or later, they need to stop comparing but we're only first semester freshmen and we tend to do this in high school. So some habits are transferred over but they'll go away as they go through college more. Until those habits disappear, should i just fabricate my GPA to make my friends feel better? I've always thought that lying about my GPA would jinx me for next semester haha and actually make me do worse than what i could have done if i'd told everyone my real GPA. I just hate the attention and feelings that come with a solid GPA. And I know people are going to ask because they always do. What should i do?<br>
I also rather not say "I'd rather not talk about my grades" because they're my FRIENDS! We tell each other everything. It's just not right if i don't tell my grades. I feel like they would interpret me disclosing my GPA as an attempt to be competitive. In effect, they may get more competitive, which is definitely something i do not want.</p>

<p>D. has one rule that served her very well kindergarten thru first year of Med. School. She never ever discusses academics with her friends / peer. We know her grades, but this is it. I have heard about one insance of her friend asking my D. about her MCAT score. D. ignored it, geve her general answer. People understand when you do so. Nobody can physically push you to do anything, it is up to you what you reveal.</p>

<p>Yes but in my friends group, everyone talks so openly about grades with everyone else. I feel isolated if i don't do the same. This is why im more pressured to lie about my GPA than keep my GPA hidden. Also, your daughter, did she have brilliant friends like herself? IF so, then that explains alot. I'm not saying my friends weren't bright, but they're certainly nosy lol.</p>

<p>This is really least of your worries. You either tell whatever you want or do not. People who wants to be your friends, will stay with you, some others will fall out. You do not change your own values because of your friends, you got to stand on your own. My D. never was isolated, actually she menaged to accumulate very many frineds since she was 3 years old. they stay with her. She is regular, very outgoing person, never considred herself "brilliant". However, she choose her friends carefully. Maybe you should do the same.</p>

<p>The only reason I am making this sound like a big deal is that in high school, I learned that i never performed well when others expectations of me were high. It was too much pressure. I am trying to change that in college by being secretive about grades but the friends that i have are kind of grade neurotic lol. I don't know what to do. I think the best course of action may to be lie. I kill two birds with one stone--I make them think less of me and I make them feel better. I'd be doing more good than harm.</p>

<p>^You have to disconnect your performance and others' expectations. In addition, your grades should not be subject of your friends "expectations", they are yours. There is nothing "secretive" or not, you just choose people who you want to hang out. D. always stayed away from people who were discussing academics. "Friends that i have are kind of grade neurotic" - wrong crowd. You can study in groups, help each other, this type of academic involvement with your friends is very beneficial to both stronger and weaker students. discussing your grades with your peers is a huge mistake. Stay away from it, stay away from people who are insisting on it, it is not helping, it is not socially acceptable. Nobody is discussing how much people make in "adult" world. "grade" is the same type of discussion as "income". Lie is never the best course of action. Sometime we have to lie to little kiddies to protect them. To lie to your peers will not work. It is not the way to develop your social skills either. BTW, social skills are very important, do not disregard them. Develop the good ones, not the bad ones. however, if you have your own criteria for choosing your friends, do not listen to me or anybody else. there is no reason to ask either.</p>

<p>I mean my friends are still nice people. Like they would be the ones I would go out with on a friday night to parties but sometimes they can get worked up alll over grades. That's the only thing I don't like about them. But you're right. I don't care what they think of me.</p>

<p>Nice people do not stick their noses into somebody else's business. If they get worked up about grades, it is their own business, stay cool about it. If you do not care what they think of you, why you insist on saying anything to them? Just ignore the question, workds every time. They get more worked up, again, it is what they want, they will learn eventually to leave you alone or just they will leave you. then you will know who are your real friends.</p>

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It's just not right if i don't tell my grades.

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<p>Sure it is. And yes, it is just that simple. A standard response: 'I did fine/ok, but need to work harder next semester. Can we not talk about school and go talk about boys/girls/sports?'</p>

<p>^perfecto!!!</p>

<p>That said, if you still want to tell them, I think it's all in the delivery. You can't control how they'll react to what you say, but you can control how you tell them (if you decide to). If you act secretive and embarrassed and shy or whatever about your grades, then they'll probably think something strange is up and that they have reason to be jealous (or whatever) of you. </p>

<p>I think you should be straightforward but polite about it, and don't bring it up unless they ask. This is TOUGH. It's reallllllly easy to volunteer your scores/results/GPA etc when others are sharing theirs, but try to hold your tongue. You might find that all they want to do is vent about their scores/results/GPA and don't really care about yours after all. You might try a benign/no numbers approach like bluebayou mentioned, but if they persist, just tell them. Don't be a jerk about it (doesn't sound like you would be).</p>

<p>They'll probably be proud of you!</p>