<p>“I guess a follow-up response is in order to those who think my original response reflected a “holier-than-though” attitude…No, I don’t think it’s a problem for my daughter to have a glass of wine or alcoholic beverage in my presence…”</p>
<p>No reason to have to justify your original post. People have their own problems who get their feathers ruffled because others don’t allow minors to imbibe alcohol in their homes.</p>
<p>"The cousin is not welcome in my home, especially on a special family day because he has in the past & likely will this day also ruin it for the other guests or create a scene due to mental and addiction problems. "</p>
<p>I agree with those who say you have to tell him directly or else he may find out when the party is and show up uninvited.</p>
<p>You will have to be blunt because if you’re too tactful, he may not get the point. People who cause the kind of probs you’ve described don’t take hints</p>
<p>Say something like, “We decided not to invite you because in the past, you’ve caused scenes at similar gatherings. Sorry. Good-bye.” Ignore any other calls from him (Caller ID) . Make sure that other relatives know not to tell him when the party is</p>
<p>Get off the phone quickly or else he’ll probably try to argue with you to make you change your mind and that could get nasty.</p>
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<p>I don’t want to hijack this thread…but from what I know, it’s mostly because parents in other countries are much better at teaching their kids to drink responsibly. (Not to put down any parents…you guys all do great, but I think you’re all the exception, not the rule. ^_^)</p>
<p>Also, we have such a “More is better” attitude in general as a society, when we hit 18 we want to do everything we can get our hands on. So of course if and when we drink, we don’t do it in moderation (again, some do, just saying, exception, not the rule).</p>
<p>As far as the party goes…It’s a touchy area. Personally, I wouldn’t serve it at all, because (God FORBID) if a teenager should get in a car accident later in the evening, I wouldn’t want any fingers pointed at me or anyone else at the party. Or (even worse) the kid’s parents (they didn’t watch him enough at the party, etc.). They don’t need that in that situation.</p>
<p>As far as the cousin goes…I agree with NSM. Be blunt. Sounds like he hasn’t done to much to warrant a sugar-coated approach.</p>
<p>Actually, there’s evidence now that youth alcohol use is a big problem in places like Europe, where traditionally alcohol use by teens has been more accepted than in the U.S.</p>
<p>"European teenagers drink more alcohol more often than their American counterparts, and get drunk more frequently, as well, according to researchers from the PIRE Prevention Research Center.
Philanthropy News Network reported Nov. 17 that researchers said data on youths ages 15-16 from 35 European countries showed that every nation in Europe except Turkey had higher teen binge-drinking rates than the U.S.</p>
<p>“The claim that Europeans learn to drink moderately and safely in a family setting has been used by many in the United States to argue for lowering the drinking age,” said report author Joel Grube. “But our research shows that premise is a myth. Easy access to alcohol seems to allow young people to drink heavily and in a risky fashion, whether in Europe or the United States. Raising the drinking age in the United States has been an extremely effective public health and safety policy. Based on our research, weakening that policy would be a serious mistake.”</p>
<p>The teen binge-drinking rate in the U.S. is about 22 percent, compared to 60 percent in Denmark, 57 percent in Germany, 54 percent in Great Britain, 34 percent in Italy, and 28 percent in France, the PIRE report said."
[Youth</a> Drinking Worse in Europe than U.S., Study Says](<a href=“http://www.jointogether.org/news/research/summaries/2005/youth-drinking-worse-in-than.html]Youth”>http://www.jointogether.org/news/research/summaries/2005/youth-drinking-worse-in-than.html)</p>
<p>“Authorities in Europe are concerned that alcohol use by young people is becoming increasingly harmful. More than 55,000 people aged 15-29 across Europe die each year as a result of alcohol-related road accidents, poisoning, suicide and murders, according to the World Health Organization.
The pattern of “normalization” or “banalization” of drug use that has taken place over the past few years also seems to be influencing attitudes and consumption patterns of alcoholic beverages by young people. While each country and community is different, there is a general European trend toward wider tolerance, and even approval, among young people for intoxication. For example, in the UK a worrying number of young people binge drink – 37 per cent of men and 23 per cent of women aged 16 to 24 regularly drink twice the recommended daily limits.
Some observers think the more relaxed attitude toward drinking alcohol and drinking to intoxication are being fed by the values of international youth pop culture with some young people using alcohol to pursue a “buzz”. Some believe the changes are being fueled by the alcohol industry (also international) that is generally less regulated and more aggressive with marketing than ever before. It is pretty clear, for example, that the alcohol industry began to market a range of “designer” or “fashion” drinks for youth in the 1990s targeted to the dance club scene to combat the trend of club drug use, like ecstasy, replacing drinking. There is no question that the alcohol industry understands the importance of brand image to many young people and spends many dollars to create images that are attractive to them. The introduction of “alcopops”, low alcohol beverages that came to Europe in the mid-90s, raised concerns that children were being groomed for a drinking culture. However, it is unclear whether that actually occurred.
In the past, drinking by youth tended to follow overall patterns in particular countries. For example, in Northern European countries where the overall percentage of drinkers is lower than in the south, drinking was less frequent among young people, but drinking to intoxication was more common. On the other hand, in Southern Europe, a greater percentage of adults and youth drank but tended not to drink to intoxication. While this pattern still holds, the trend toward binge drinking and intoxication is even being seen in Southern European countries where the cultures have historically frowned on drinking in that way. Along with changes in drinking styles in these countries, there is a shift from wine to beer as the beverage of choice. Boys tend to drink more than girls, but the gender gap has generally narrowed.
As part of this trend, there appear to be fewer occasions where older and younger people drink together. In the context of youth culture, drinking and getting drunk are group activities rather than individual activities. Drinking is often viewed as a “time out” from the normal rules where it is expected that people will behave differently.”
[Global</a> Youth Network - Alcohol Trends Among Youth In Europe](<a href=“Youth Initiative”>Youth Initiative)</p>
<p>I dont think it’s to big of a deal. I think most kids would be to “nervous” to drink around other classmates families unless they were at a home notorious for being the party house with parents who turned their shoulders at that kind of thing. Most kids realize its not worth it, besides if they want to get drunk they can go to some party later on anyway.</p>
<p>Good lord, I don’t think I could get half my brothers-in-law to come to a party if I didn’t offer beer or wine! I never even thought of telling the kids no - they just wouldn’t do it. Do you think if a kid wanted to drink, a sign is going to stop them? My kids and their friends would be painfully self-conscious walking around with a beer anyway.</p>
<p>looking at this from legal point of view(rather than moral) to respond to OP, and to post 15:
Remember this is a younsters’ party. It is to celebrate completing high school. I think that graduation the first big step toward adulthood. IMO it is not achieving adulthood.
I recommend provide no alcohol. There is no magic age of personal maturity, but there is a magic age to liability. Many states put the host liable for consequences of/after a party if host provides alcohol(regardless of partygoers’ age). Generally not so if an adult guest brings their own to the party. Many states put host liable if underage drinking occurs, even if host had permission from parents, whether he provides alcohol or merely permits it from someone that brought their own. Often times a parent can legally give alcohol to their own child, but cannot give it- or permit it to other youngsters even with that parents’ permission. I host 2-3 big summer parties in my home for adults. I provide food and music, guests bring their own booze. I am too scared of the potential legal liability to provide alcohol. My party choices are not based on how a youngster is raised in Frankfurt Germany, but rather my risk here. My party choices also, do not necessarily refelect how we have chosen to raise our son referring to drinking. However my party choices do show my youngster something about our moral responsibility to others, our legal responsibility, and respect for laws that we may or may not agree with.</p>
<p>We had beer and wine for adults at my daughters HS and college grad parties. Her friends at the HS party did not drink/were not interested/would not have been allowed. It really was a non-issue. </p>
<p>At her college grad party we again offered beer, wine and a keg of birch beer. Everyone drank all three in moderation. It was weird seeing my daughters friends drinking alcohol even knowing they were all 21 or 22 years old because I knew them better as youngsters and now here they were all grown up and acting as responsible adults.</p>
<p>We just had our open house. We had around 80 teens and 20 adults so didn’t even think about serving alcohol. If you had a reverse ratio, as the OP is suggesting, I don’t think you’d have to worry. You’d have plenty of adults to keep an eye on the kids. We rented a slushee/frozen drink machine and made “mock-margaritas”. We served them in real margarita glasses and they were a hit with the teens. The theme was “Fiesta”. We also served Coke in the bottles, something they seldom see. </p>
<p>We had way too much food and ended up donating half of it to a homeless shelter. Even though the party was 6-9 on a weeknight, people didn’t eat as much as expected. We found this to be true during senior week activities, too. Also, people don’t RSVP. We invited 130 and less than 30 responded. My son said, “Don’t worry. They’ll show up.” and he was right.</p>
<p>We just had our S’s grad party, as well. As far as who/ how many to invite, I’d say that somewhat depends on the child. My son is very social and loves a big crowd (that’s what he loves about OSU!) and he wanted to invite EVERYONE. So, this was his day, and we did. I invited about 120 family, friends, neighbors, and church members. Then, he asked for some invitations for school-- about 200! Well we got about 100 of the family, friends, neighbors, church members, and over 100 from school and he was a happy boy and felt well loved (which is the point, I think).</p>
<p>I knew another parent whose child was really more of a one-on-one person, and a dinner at a restaurant with a couple of close friends made them happy and feel special.</p>
<p>We are not an alcohol drinking family, so we did not serve any at the party. No one expected it. I was glad that there wasn’t any around since we had many kids that I had never seen before show up (no parents) roaming around our 2 acres and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for that. The kids really liked bottled root beer, orange crush, gatorade, and water. The canned soda was less popular.</p>
<p>As far as food, we had way too much, but like someone else, I had already planned to give the leftovers to a free dinner for the needy. (I’d rather have too much than not enough.) Many of the kids that go from party to party never came near the food table. The kids, for the most part, don’t bring cards or gifts, but that’s OK. They are supporting one another and this is their celebration time.</p>
<p>We had great weather, a tent in the yard, games (volleyball, basketball, foursquare, croquet, etc) the kids set up “rock band” on a deck in the back – everyone was doing something and it was quite fun. </p>
<p>Now I have three years to recuperate and do this again. WHEW!</p>
<p>As far as going to many parties, we are happy to go to as many as we can fit in our schedule. (Gifts around 25.00 for those that we don’t know well, more for family or special friends.) We want the kids to feel loved by their family and friends back home as they head off to their new homes.</p>
<p>The outdoor venue where we had our 3-for-1 graduation celebration last year required that all beverages be poured from their original containers into clear plastic cups.</p>
<p>Just curious…do almost all families have big parties? We could…but not sure son would want that. Do some families just go out to a nice dinner w/graduate & a few of graduate’s friends?</p>
<p>We mostly do the family out to special dinner route, on the day. </p>
<p>With a total of 3 HS and 2 college graduations, thus far, we only hosted 1 party. It was for all 3 of our kids who each had a graduation to recognize in 2007.</p>
<p>Thanks, mominva. I think that might be more up son’s alley (special dinner, etc.). </p>
<p>On a related note–do most people do ‘big’ gifts for their own child’s graduation? (I was sort of thinking that paying the mondo tuition bill & going back to work full-time to effectuate that might be my ‘big gift’, when son graduates in another year. lol)</p>
<p>Jolynne: Neither our S or D wanted a graduation party, so we honored the occasions with a special family dinner.</p>
<p>We didn’t give our S an official graduation gift, however, we did get him his first laptop in May, with all desired accessories. Our other “big” gift is that he will probably be able to graduate from college with no debt. He is quite happy about that!</p>
<p>We didn’t give any of our 3 kids an official graduation gift – like gladmom, they graduated with no debt. Only party we held was a joint party for all 3 when #3 graduated high school, #2 graduated college , and #1 graduated college on the 7 year plan (took a leave of absence to start a business). I had so much fun with the party invitation – my favorite photo of them together holding hands at ages 2, 6 and 10 – so many people commented on the invite.</p>
<p>Thanks, gladmom. Son (for the first time this year) doesn’t plan on having huge b-day party (all-night gaming/movies/running around). So, thinking he won’t do the big grad thing next year, either. Family dinner would be very nice.</p>
<p>3boysnjmom–what a cute idea for the invite!</p>
<p>Also not doing the big grad party, D doesn’t really want, and all of her friends are having huge parties, with which we can’t compete. We did a nice brunch after graduation at a very nice restaurant and invited all lthe close family and friends. Will also give her a “send-off” party with her closest friends before she leaves for Harvard in late summer…maybe lunch and spa…we did that for her older sister and it worked out fine. Gifts are a problem. We sort of followed the small monetary gift idea…it can get quite expensive, but who will remember how much you gave 5 years from now…a touching note or nice picture of the friend with your S or D with a small monetary gift will mean more. Agree relatives are a little different and require larger monetary gift, and of course, best friends.</p>
<p>We had an open house from 2-4 in the afternoon for my son and 4 of his friends at one of the friend’s house then the kids stayed on and swam in their pool afterward. No alcohol was served because it was in the afternoon and there were about 300 guests. It was a lot of fun and very relaxed, however there will be no more relaxing until all the thank you notes are finished. </p>
<p>We mailed invitations but it seems like most of the parties my son is invited to have been facebook invitations. This is making me crazy since I am kind of a stickler for etiquette. I hate that there is an option for “I might attend”. The kids seem to go around to the parties in a pack ending up at parties that they haven’t been invited to. Oh, well, I guess that prepares them for college parties.</p>
<p>We’re doing a small barbeque for about 20 people. No big deal. We won’t be serving alcohol.</p>
<p>As for gifts, I thought I’d buy a few small things that would remind my daughter of home, like a CD that we listened to together on our college tours (a CD of mine, so I’ll get D her own copy), small stuff like that.</p>