<p>Okay, I admit I am old fashioned (happily so actually) but now we are in the throngs of grad party season and I just want a little discussion/opinions on the following as it relates to the protocol for these things, specificly:</p>
<ul>
<li>Who do you invite? Kid’s friends, parents of kids’ friends, just close family & adult friends, neighbors, coaches, employers ???</li>
<li>How do you handle being invited to 20 different kids’ parties in the same graduating class as your S or D? Gifts in that situation???</li>
<li>Alcohol, to serve or not to serve (I’m talking for adults of legal age)? How to handle parents accompanying their underaged children allowing alcohol consumption by those just graduated seniors? How do you protect yourself regarding liability in this area in the litigious era of “someone has got to be responsible, but not the/my 18 year old who made the bad decision to drink and drive then wrapped themselves around a tree”???</li>
</ul>
<p>AND just for fun, yes this REALLY happened to me…</p>
<ul>
<li>How would you suggest handling the long-estranged relative (cousin) who heard about the “Big Shindig” and left a message wanting to know what time everything is getting underway because they are “free” that day?</li>
</ul>
<p>I think every family and situation is different. What works for us may not work for you, but this is what we did:</p>
<p>An open house where we invited friends, neighbors, relatives and friends of the graduate. Anybody you think would enjoy coming. I’ve actually had people tell me they are disappointed they weren’t invited to someone’s graduation party. I would rather send an invite to someone not very interested in coming than not invited someone who wanted to come.</p>
<p>I happily spent the summer after each of my sons graduated going to parties. We usually gave a small monetary gift ($25 - 50) depending on how well we know the student. More for relatives.</p>
<p>We served beer and wine kept in a place where there were a lot of people (not in the back yard away from prying eyes) We had absolutely no problem with underage drinking. All the parents watched out and I can’t imagine a student who would brazenly drink in front of their families and friends’ parents. Nobody allows their underage child to drink in my home. It’s my home, my rules. I’d have no problem taking it away and telling them I don’t allow it.</p>
<p>I’d let the cousin come. If they want to celebrate with my child, they are more than welcome.</p>
<p>Just curious:
Do you posts your rules in signs around the house?
I allow my teenager kids to take “a taste” of my mojito… so you would not allow that ?</p>
I suppose I will have way too much food, but I’m just having chicken and rolls and a few salads, and then cookies and a congratulations cake, I think. I think I will set the food on a table in the garage and try to keep people out in the yard. Beer and wine for adults in the house in the kitchen, I think. Lots of cans of Mountain Dew etc. for teenagers in the garage, I think. The kids will know the beer and wine are off limits.</p>
<p>Tuitionsaver: are you asking me? I don’t have to post the rules. People know me pretty well. There is no underage drinking in my house. The kids know the rules very, very well as they mostly hang out at my house. </p>
<p>If someone allows their own child to have a sip in their own home that’s their perogative. Not in mine. I’ve had five graduation parties (three high school, two college) it was never a problem.</p>
Firstly, I wouldn’t serve alcohol at a party like this (I also wouldn’t be very popular) and secondly, if I did, I wouldn’t allow an underage person to drink - period. If the parent had an issue with that I’d smile and inform them that there’ll be no serving alcohol to minors in my house. If they didn’t like it they could leave. Another reason I wouldn’t serve alcohol at a grad party is that I’d feel awful if one of the new grads had a bit too much and ended up in an accident on the way home. But as I disclaimed, I wouldn’t be very popular (but that doesn’t bother me).</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s a requirement to serve alcohol at every type of gathering.</p>
<p>Since one of our graduates will be of drinking age and the other will not, we decided that it would be very fair not to serve alcohol. If someone leaves our house feeling like they need some booze, there is a town to the south with a nice brewery and a couple of wineries with free samples, but I feel the guests will be just fine with lemonade and apple cider. Our celebration is going to be very small, just the family and some close friends.</p>
<p>“+ How would you suggest handling the long-estranged relative (cousin) who heard about the “Big Shindig” and left a message wanting to know what time everything is getting underway because they are “free” that day?” </p>
<p>Depends why the cousin is “long-estranged.” If you don’t want to invite him/her, just pretend you didn’t get the message.</p>
<p>“+ How would you suggest handling the long-estranged relative (cousin) who heard about the “Big Shindig” and left a message wanting to know what time everything is getting underway because they are “free” that day?”</p>
<p>I read that as the cousin’s way of reaching out to re-establish the relationship.
I would welcome him/her.</p>
<p>We are having an afternoon barbecue open house inviting D1’s friends, relatives, and close friends of ours…It starts at 12 noon and, no, WE don’t drink in the middle of the day, so, NO, we are not serving alcohol to anyone…If anyone who comes has an issue with this, it is an OPEN HOUSE…which means you can come and go as you please (and if you have to drink you are “free to go”…to the other umpteen parties going on the same day or elsewhere…)</p>
<p>I think this would have been a more “slippery slope” if we were throwing a party at night…but that is why we decided not to…not enough light in my backyard to watch over the little cherubs!!</p>
<p>Two down, one to go. Yes we serve alcohol to the adults. Like another poster, my views on underage drinking are well known, and I don’t have a problem at this or any other party where adults drink beer and wine and kids don’t. It’s like any other entertaining we do. We’re talking close friends and family, none of whom would serve their kids alcohol in my home, no matter what their own house rules might be.</p>
<p>My family has parties in which we invite people of all ages. We have alcoholic beverages for the adults. There’s no underage drinking at my house. We’ve had no problems with people following our rules.</p>
<p>I remember asking S about whether I should fear that his friends would try to drink. He told me, “They know you and respect you, and won’t drink.” </p>
<p>I grew up being allowed to have wine at special occasions at my parents and grandparents house. Both were the kind of households in which people usually only drank at formal dinners like Christmas.</p>
<p>I remember one time when I was about 17, I went out with my mom, and the waitress asked me if I wanted a drink. I ordered the same cocktail that my mom had. My mom didn’t mind.</p>
<p>While I never got into any trouble due to substance abuse, I decided to raise my kids differently because I think that if parents overlook the law even for things considered small like allowing a teen to have a glass of wine occasionally at home, it’s easy for teens and children to figure it’s OK to overlook the law for bigger things.</p>
<p>We did not serve alcohol at our kid’s hs graduation party. The guest of honor was not of legal age to drink alcohol. We tell our kids that you do not have to drink alcohol to have a good time so it seemed incongruous to serve alcohol simply because adults would be present at the party. The adults can and did have fun, too, celebrating a milestone in an 18-year-old’s life without booze.</p>
<p>We had an afternoon swim party, invited abou 40 kids, about 20 adults–just our very closest friends. No alcohol, plenty of sodas and water and plenty of tasty food.</p>
<p>Kids stayed in the pool most of the time, adults watched and visited. It was a great party!!!</p>
<p>Why is alcohol such a taboo in the US?
In other countries teens are allowed to have a drink on special occasions…and NO they do not become alcoholics! NO big deal!
To the parents who do not allow even a whiff of alcohol to their graduating seniors: how confident are you that your kids will follow that rule in college?
Most of the crazy freshman in college come from households where the rules are very strict!
And what is so magic about 21? (I know it’s the law…).In the morning of your 21st birthday all of a sudden you can drink and be responsible about it?</p>
<p>We never served alcohol to adults at our children’s birthday parties - those were very child-centered events. Our parties where adults are invited to bring their kids - those we have alcohol for the adults and soft drinks for the kids. Our graduation party is more like that. Family and close family friends celebrating our son’s milestone with us.</p>
<p>RE: the estranged relative-
I was trying not to say too much detail but I can see now that it is impossible to comment on that aspect of my OP without a bit more info so here goes…
The cousin is not welcome in my home, especially on a special family day because he has in the past & likely will this day also ruin it for the other guests or create a scene due to mental and addiction problems. Trust me, the interest to be here has NOTHING to do with “reaching out” or celebrating with the grad on her special day. He was the one who cut off contact years ago when I set some healthy boundaries for him and sadly it was a relief. My main question was really how do I tactfully deal with this if he catches up to me (he called AGAIN but I was gone, and I am not at this point returning any phone calls - but we have a week to go - LOL).</p>
<p>Very interesting comments on the alcohol to minors question. It is a well-known fact in D’s social circle how strict my rules are, so maybe it won’t be any question. As an aside, this is an adult party, held at night, giving the opportunity for the important adults in D’s life to celebrate with and toast her(think “elegant garden party”). The only teens that are coming are those that are accompanying their parents. We decided against the “traditional” (maybe it is not a tradition afterall?) teen-blow-out grad party because we felt it would be too difficult to police.</p>
<p>I guess a follow-up response is in order to those who think my original response reflected a “holier-than-though” attitude…No, I don’t think it’s a problem for my daughter to have a glass of wine or alcoholic beverage in my presence…I do not, however, think it is okay to serve alcohol to underage friends whose parents I do not even know; nor do I want to supervise or police said friends…that is why we have decided not to serve at all…and no, I am not naive to think my D has not had alcohol…and, yes, I know that in other parts of the world it is perfectly acceptable to provide alcohol to teens…Not sure how they handle the driving situation, though, in those instances…</p>
<p>believersmom: You are asking how to tactfully tell the unstable, estranged relative that he is not invited to your party. Too bad you are being put on the spot like this. If he has called twice, he’ll probably keep calling until he gets ahold of you. It might be tempting to avoid him altogether, but then he might ask another relative when the party starts and just show up.</p>
<p>If I were in this situation, I would plan ahead what to say. It won’t be easy for him to hear, but these are the consequences for his past actions. Here is one possible approach. Compose some sentences right now, practice saying them out loud, and keep them with you for when he reaches you. I suggest that you just calmly state your feelings and wishes, i.e., “I would feel uncomfortable if you attended the party, therefore you are not invited” or something like that. You are completely justified in making your own guest list for a party that you are giving. It would be very inappropriate for him to continue to try to push his way in against your wishes.</p>
<p>We just had my son’s party this weekend. It was an afternoon into evening party and we had about 60 people, up to half of them classmates of his, the rest neighbors, parents of classmates and other friends. It went well.</p>
<p>We did want to have some wine and beer available for our adults guests. My son printed off a sign on the computer saying something like, “Guests 21 and over are welcome to help themselves to wine or beer. Soda and water bottles are available to all.” He adorned the sign with some beverage graphics and we had one placed on the soda/water beverages table and one on the wine table, both of which were indoors. My 24-year-old daughter offered to monitor the alchohol table as well.</p>
<p>The sign was actually my son’s idea. He hangs with a very solid group of kids and we knew this would not be an issue for his close friends, but some kids we parents did not know were coming as well. I guess he wanted to make sure that none of the kids got the wrong idea from there being wine and beer present. </p>
<p>We are confident there was no underage drinking at our party.</p>