Grade an essay for me! =)

<p>I used the prompt from the December SAT =)</p>

<p>ASSIGNMENT:Is the most important purpose of technology today different from what it was in the past? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>

<p>The goal of technology today is to search for new methods and ideas to fulfil the needs of the modern society. In taht fashion, the goal of current research and development is no different from that of previous researchers and scientists.</p>

<p>In 1856, when Alexander Bell invented the telephone, he serendipitiously chanced upon a remarkable method to improve efficiency. People could easily contact each other without having to rely on the inefficient and slow postal system. Today’s analogue is the Blackberry. Blackberry Corp. launched the Blackberry and Microsoft the Treo to enable professionals to remotely access work. The prevalence of wireless networks and the portability of handheld devices have converged to improve efficiency and productivity. In that sense, the motivation behind the spawning of the telephone and Blackberry are identical.</p>

<p>In the medical world, physician-scientists embody the same spirit that Fleming did. When Fleming discovered penicillin, he found a way to combat bacterial infetions, hence saving many lives of soldiers and severely ill patients. Today, researchers at Johns Hopkins strive to a solution to a malady that afflicted many even in Fleming’s era. Colon cancer strikes more than 100,000 people annually, and the JHU researchers use genetically-modified rotaviruses to target the rebel mutant colon cells. These researchers are adopting modern technology to solve a decades-old problem, much as Fleming chanced upon pencillin to eliminate Streptococcus infections.</p>

<p>A primary goal of scientists today is to find alternative sources of energy. Ever since the Industrial Revolution, Man has burnt ostentatiously large amounts of fossil fuels, resulting in massive pollution, global warming and depletion of natural resources. When Fosters invented the hydroelectric dam, he hoped to reduce pollution in his home city. Researchers in the Institute of Energy Resources are also searching for new polychlorinated compounds which can improve efficiency of solar panels and lead to cheaper solar power. They are no different from Fosters, stretching to discover a new solution to an ages-old problem.</p>

<p>In conclusion, the heart of scientific and technological inventions today is not dissimilar to that of years past. Scientists are still striving to improve efficiency and productivity, eliminate disease, and allow the world to be carbon-neutral. These basic human needs and common goals, and the quest for solutions, will endure for future centuries and have endured for centuries past.</p>

<p>11-12. Great essay. To make it even better (which really isn’t necessary), think of a way for someone to argue against what you said-in other words, think of the argument of someone who thinks that the most important purpose of technology today is different from what it was in the past. For example, the printing press to spread information and improve communication, versus music technology for entertainment. Then think of a way to debunk that. This makes your argument much more convincing, because it shows that you see both sides of the story.</p>

<p>Excellent… nice job (12)</p>

<p>Very well written, especially if this was a first draft.</p>

<p>I would score a 5-6</p>

<ol>
<li>
Intro needs work, and isn’t connected to the examples. in the first example, you don’t mention the purpose of Bell’s achievement, only how he achieved it (by chance), and the results (efficiency)
2nd example “fleming did” is too abrupt, needs elaboration, connect it w/ second sentence.
3rd example: last sentence "They are no different from Fosters, " better to say “their purpose is not different than that of Fosters.”
Conclusion needs work to wrap it up better, i.e. go over examples</li>
</ol>

<p>Good examples, and solidly written, just needs to be smoother</p>

<p>That would probably be graded an 11-12. Good examples, good writing, solid vocabulary.</p>