Grade an essay here #3

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I’m back again. This is the one from Blue Book test #2.</p>

<p>“Do changes that make lives easier necessarily make lives better?” </p>

<p>As we live our busy lives daily, changes often accompany us in various ways. Whether they’re the high speed internet for interactive lectures or machine-based health check-up without a human doctor, innovation always seems to make our lives more and more convenient. However, this nothing is misleading. Changes manipulate us into the belief that easy outcomes result in better lives.</p>

<p>An exemplary figure of this statement is Janie from “Their Eyes Were Watching God.” Janie, a daughter of a runaway slave with caucasian-like physical features, is forced into marriage with a savage man named Logan. Unaffectionate and heartless, Logan treats Janie as simply a useless minion who cannot do any farm work. Doleful with her marriage, Janie meets a charmful gentleman named Jodie Starks one day. She is instantly captivated by Jodie’s wealth, something she believed would lead to eternal happiness. Janie runs off with Jodie, settling down with her new lover in a new town. However, Janie faces the same problem soon into her marriage; Jodie’s wealth has blinded her from the fact that he is a controlling oppressor. Janie mounrs her mistake at the end of the book, revealing that money, a shortcut to her life, only led to misery.</p>

<p>Similarly, Josh, a close friend of mine, tasted the bitterness of tempting change. He loaded his junior year with difficult classes like AP Computer Science even though he knew he wasn’t adept with computers. Realizing his mistake, Josh dropped all of his arduous classes and opted for easy classes like sportswriting. Even though he got to spend his junior year discussing fantasy football everyday, Josh noticed that he hadn’t learned anything from his mediocore schedule. He ended up with a high GPA by the time of graduation, but the weak rigorousness of his classes prevented him from putting a serious challenge to his dream schools. A temporary change for leisure led to Josh’s permanent downfall from academic fulfillment.</p>

<p>Changes are extremely effective. They push us forward with innovative and often easy solutions to our complicated problems. However, they cause moral damages to our consciousness, digressing us from hard work and human ethics. If we acknowledge the fact that not all changes benefit us, we can definitely move forward to a bright future filled with humane personalities.</p>

2

<p>Great essay. I normally evaluate essays more in-depth, but I’ll just give you your score.</p>

<p>Your essay deserves a solid 5, leaning torwards a 6. Of course, the scores you receive are completely dependant on the reader. You are equally likely to receive (5+5=10) or (6+5=11). Your chances of getting below a 10 are very unlikely. There are a few mistakes and sentences that could be reworded, but that aside, the essay answers the topic directly and supports a central idea throughout. Good work.</p>

3

<p>Ah… “…this notion is…”</p>

<p>Hahaha. What a dumb typo; I wrote “notion” on paper and typed “nothing.”</p>

<p>Thank you very much for your analysis.</p>

4

<p>Very good essay, I second whatiscollegeok’s opinon. You give very good examples and present it in a clear, concise manner.</p>

5

<p>Just don’t try to overdo it trying to be too intellectual…big words serve no purpose unless they explain something more easily understandable and in depth.</p>

6

<p>I think it’s a very well-constructed essay and, as was mentioned before, I think it’s very unlikely you’d score below a 10. The only thing that’s keeping you from a perfect 12 is pretty simple: Don’t use personal examples. As valid and proper as they may seem to you, the essay readers hate them for whatever reason. A friend mine’s SAT tutor has a master’s in english and, simply as a test, wrote one of his SAT essays using personal-life examples; this guy graduated in the top of his class both at Columbia and grad school. He got a 10 on his essay. He tried using a similar approach, this time only using one personal example and one literary example: He scored an 11. Took it again, this time with a historical example and a literary example: He scored a 12.</p>

7

<p>I would agree, my SAT tutor told me that personal examples aren’t such a great idea UNLESS they perfectly fit the topic. Stay away from them otherwise. Personal examples are often too narrow and do not fully support a thesis. You could also pull a personal example if you need something quickly.</p>

<p>I did use a personal example however and I scored an 11 on my essay, which isn’t too bad. It was a two sample essay (one describing the scientific method, one personal example).</p>