Grade an essay, will grade yours, will do anything

<p>Are people too serious?</p>

<p>The conviction that people ought to be more flippant to succeed is a widely-held assumption among certain circles. Unfortunately, such a belief is not only downright false and untrue, but also egregiously misleading and flagrantly wrong. Instead, most people should make an effort not to be less serious, but to be more serious. After all, being less serious carries serious repercussions, but opting to be more serious can often be conducive to success. Two episodes from my life as a member of the Zantigan tribe in Africa serve as compelling examples of this universal truth.</p>

<p>Oftentimes, trying to be less serious can cause utter failure in striving for a goal that might otherwise be achieved. For example, my father was called Zenta, after one of our great tribal leaders, and was heavily criticized for being far too serious. He undertook every action with a stern expression, utterly unsmiling and unwilling to laugh. After a visitor from the United States slighted him for being a “grumpy old man,” however, my father finally resolved to be less serious, even in serious matters. For instance, when representatives from a local logging company arrived with ridiculous plans to cut down a third of the forest near which we live in, my father laughed with them, as though to approve of their plan, even when he truly wanted to scream in their faces. As a result, the representatives were unfortunately led to believe that such an undertaking would be no big deal if even the tribal leader of the Zantigans did not immediately reject it. We lost much of our homeland to tractors and axes. If my father had resolved to be firm and candid, we would not have been forced to move because of the destruction of our homes.</p>

<p>Furthermore, being serious can even lead to both social and economic progress for a society. My father’s affair occurred over twenty years ago, but today a representative called Fillard Horowitz represents us in our home African country of Ceraria’s Congress. Fillard Horowitz is a celebrated man for us, but not for many others. Fillard has been known to be firm and unwavering in crusade for our tribe against various oppressors from elsewhere in the country, who are convinced we are up to no good. He heavily criticized the president when the president proposed to relocate us to a far away location, and he published numerous articles in Time magazine explaining our cause and our dying way of life. When his best friend and former colleague, Johnathon Berkeley, from a different part of the country, wrote a bill that, if implemented, would essentially wipe a third of us off the face of the earth, Horowitz stood directly in his way, and, instead off trying to convince him through good-natureness and jest, said to his face, “therefore, you are proposing genocide.” His sternness shook the Congress, but the effect if what he does for us is clearly evident; after all, we are not dead yet, and we continue to thrive as a people. If Horowitz had not been so serious, people might have been convinced that he was a silly man, not someone to lead progress and hope for all Cerarians alike.</p>

<p>In conclusion, my life in the Zantigan tribe has convinced me that the ability to be serious is valuable, and to opt not to be serious is seriously disastrous indeed. In fact, to prove this point, you need only look at any famous elected official. Do you see any of them dancing around in careless banter, merrymaking when there are great laws to pass?</p>

<p>10/12 (disregarding the falsity of the examples)
Your examples were pretty strong in the sense that they are really detailed and tied back to your thesis. However, when I read them, I instantly picked up on the fact that they are made up. While the readers probably won’t look too closely at the veracity of your evidence, try to avoid “big” lies, such as inventing a new country (i.e. Ceraria). Generally the graders will have enough knowledge to know that such a country does not exist.</p>

<p>I find your last sentence a tad random…Also I get that it’s important to have a long essay, but some of your sentences contain a lot of superfluous material. For example:
“Unfortunately, such a belief is not only downright false and untrue, but also egregiously misleading and flagrantly wrong.”
This is basically saying “Such a belief is wrong” in 18 words instead of 5 (not that you should just say “Such a belief is wrong”). You basically repeat the same thing 4 times.</p>

<p>Could you grade/comment on my essay (next post?)</p>

<p>Prompt: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities (v.s. the government should)?</p>

<p>While it is tempting to assign the task of solving our problems to our government, this is not always the correct thing to do. It is important that we work towards a solution ourselves. By taking initiative, people can ensure that decisions are made in their best interest, while also maintaining self-sufficiency.</p>

<p>For example, during the Nazi occupation of northern France, a puppet governmnent was installed in the south. Though it was established under the premise of allowing the French in the area to rule themselves, the government was really loyal to the Gernmans. When corruption in the country became more apparent, the people decided to take action, by starting their own resistance movements. They did not simply wait for their government or the governments of other Allied poswers to rescue them. The resistance movements quickly gained momentum, and greatly reduced the Nazi’s ascendancy over the area through attacks on factories and transportation lines. The liberation of France in 1944 was made possible by the intelligence gathered by these movements. Thus, by taking action, the people of France were able to achieve their goal of expelling the Nazis.</p>

<p>Just like the French people during WWII, African-Americans also had a government that did not have their best interests in mind. At the time, African-Americans were openly discriminated against and had few of the opportunities that white Americans had. However, instead of looking to their government for change, they created change. Rosa Parks, for example, resisted traditional etiquette when she refused to give up her seat to a white man. This act led to a public outroar that pushed for equal rights for black people If she had been complacent, and simply waited for the government to bring about change, these rights would not have been recognized.</p>

<p>Though today, we often look to the government to solve our problems, this is not always the solution. As seen from the examples of the African-American rights movement and the Nazi occupation of France, governments do not always have everyone’s best interests in mind. To have change, we must create it ourselves.</p>

<p>^I am tempted to say a 9, but possibly 10 if you are very lucky. The essay seems a tad short at about 350 words so I would definitely add another example. However, it is mostly well-written, much better than an average 4, with few grammatical errors, nice sentence structure, and the occasional vocab word. The insight is pretty nice too, and the essay structure looks well. Adding another paragraph would definitely place it in double-digit range.</p>

<p>I <em>think</em> the prompt is asking you whether someone should attack problems affecting their community versus attacking problems facing the entire country, not whether people shoudl attack their problems in the community versus the government should, but I’m not too sure.</p>

<p>So would you give a 6 to my essay if I made the tribe a Native American tribe and Fillard a lobbiest?</p>