My essay prompt is "Is it more courageous to show vulnerability than it is to show strength? "
I would like any comments and advices for my essays with scores out of 12 and correction of grammars if possible
I need a lot of advices from you guys since my SAT is coming up very soon,
Thank you guys!
Everyone in this society lives their lives through showing their strengths to get esteemed by other people. By showing their strength, they would get highly honored by others and be succeeded through their careers. However, those who show off their strengths usually hide their weakness behind their strengths. Therefore, they would not get help from other people when they face deleterious dangers or problems. Those people stop to the end of the cliffs to the death. However, by showing off their vulnerabilities, they can get helps when they are at the bottom of their lives. Living in this society, it takes enormous courage to inform their vulnerabilities, which are highly criticized in this society, but he would get helps by announcing his weakness.
This society is much so generalized by the transcripts from schools and resumes which have information about only strengths. It doesn’t require or recommend to write down weakness of themselves. Unlike weakness, strengths are advantages to survive through this society. It can never be a privacy that they are hesitated to show. However, vulnerabilities are different. Compare to strengths, weakness is a disadvantage that has ability to harm themselves in divergent ways. It is something that people want to hide and don’t want to reveal to the public. Since it is a such a disadvantage, it takes their own determination to show their vulnerabilities to the society.
I am an ordinary high school kid who learns how to survive in the school by finding the easiest possible way to survive. By attending three different high schools for four years, I learned showing off my own weakness would not be a good tactic to survive through the school I became a hypocrite to everyone by covering up all my faces with full of gossips and strengths that I can appeal to them. One day, I was talking to my friend, who is not actually a true friend, and he started to talk about one girl who told her weakness to him. Her weakness became a harassment and students started to make fun of her with her weakness. After that incident, I moved to different school due to the lower education offered at my first high school. At my second high school, I met a true friend, actual friend who can share my inner heart thoughts with him. At first, I was so much afraid that he would make fun of me like a girl at my first school. It took me a long time to decide to talk to him. Once, I talked to him, he started to help me to cope with my weakness and get over with that.
We are living in this wicked world, where people only care about their strengths. Paragons of his society are perfect men who do not have any weakness at all. Because of the perspective, people do not like to show their weakness since they know it is going to hurt them in any possible way. However, when people show their vulnerabilities, innumerable benefits would come and hide negative consequences of informing weakness. Due to the parochial mind that the world has, it is more courageous to show vulnerability that it is to show strengths.