<p>Does every achievement bring with it new challenges?</p>
<p>Every achievement brings forth new challenges to be faced. There are a surfeit of examples from personal and history that prove this.</p>
<p>In 1902, Henry Ford first engineered the prototype for the automobile the Model A. This was clearly a great accomplishment in the progress of engineering, however it ushered in a plethora of new challenges. The Model A only operated at two speeds, and lacked a reverse gear. Also, the Model A was considered very dangerous because the engine was located underneath the passenger. Ford slowly corrected these faults, and it took over sixteen different models before he would ever produce something of commercial value the Model T. In reality though, the Model T would uncover even more challenges, thus provoking innovation. Clearly technological accomplishments lead to further investigation.</p>
<p>Freshman year in highschool I was assigned a science experiment where I would have to launch a bottle rocket into the air for the longest duration possible. As I would soon discover, this would be a very difficult feat. Whenever I adjusted one parameter of the rocket, I would face new challenges. For instance, when I made the nose cone longer, in order to improve its aerodynamics, the rocket would become heavier and thus wouldnt fligh up as high. It would be impossible to achieve perfection, because every adjustment would lead to further complications.</p>
<p>After examining Henry Fords prototype for the automobile, and my bottle rocket, it is evident that achievements do indeed bring forth new challenges. If accomplishments didnt uncover new problems, progress would be impossible. </p>
<p>(this includes all spelling errors… yikes!)</p>
<p>SheepGetKilled,</p>
<ol>
<li>This essay would receive a 10 because your examples are appropriate but you’re coming close to supporting your thesis, you aren’t DIRECTLY supporting it. The Modal A had problems, but what problems did it BRING ABOUT? The key words in the prompt are crucial for the essay. You need to show more problems that are caused by these achievements. Your bottle rocket example could definitely be better if you wrote something along the lines of this:</li>
</ol>
<p>“My goal was accomplished; to build a bottle rocket, but new problems continuously arose directly after its construction. After adjusting the Nose, I realized the weight distribution was now altered. Adjusting each minuscule part of the bottle rocket would then impact another part of the rocket. Later I adjusted the weight distribution and realized the wingspan was incorrect. I learned that by fixing each problem, a new problem would arise. This clearly supports the idea that with each achievement, problems are brought about.”</p>
<p>Now I know this takes up a lot more space and a lot of time to write, but that’s the difficult part of the SAT essay :P. You have great ideas, you just need to link them more to the prompt. Don’t worry, you’re not alone; many other students often do this in their essays (including myself). </p>
<p>Don’t stress over such fancy examples. This topic is just SCREAMING for technology. Why not talk about the graphing calculator (TI-84 for example) leaidng to academic dishoensty? People store formulas and notes on the calculator and access them during the exams and are given a hueg boost. Also, cellular phones are another great example. I’m assuming you’re a high school student; if you are, you can’t not notice everyone texting during class. Both are achievements; the calculator aided in finer engineering and eventually brought us to the moon, the cell phones lets the world communicate. Also, don’t forget: CARS! Your Modal A example si great, but go simpler :P. Cars = Pollution! I’ve overlooked the obvious examples a bunch of times so don’t be embarrassed. What I’m trying to say is you don’t need an elaborate example to score well. If you provide a well thought out and coherent example of something “simple” with transitions and SAT vocabulary, you’ll score amazingly. </p>
<p>Lastly, you started off with great vocabulary, but then you stopped. SAT Vocabulary must be distributed nicely throughout an entire essay to score very well. I’m sorry if I’ve come off to harsh; but this essay is good, but it can be better. You’re clearly showing that you’re an intelligent student and you deserve a better score, so I hope I’m providing constructive criticism. I feel a full critique can really help versus just a basic number score with 1 to 2 sentences. Don’t get me wrong - the essay is good, but you can do better and you deserve better! I’d be happy to grade more essays if you post them up. Good luck :)!</p>
<p>~Aceventura74</p>