Grade Essay :)

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1

<p>Prompt: What is more important? The quest or the endpoint? (support your essay with blah blah blah blah blah)</p>

<p>Throughout one’s life, countless journeys are taken; some completed and some failed. Though these journeys are all inherently different, one thing unites them all – they are all important in shaping the individual undergoing them. Though the destination is usually the initial motivation for a journey, it itself it nearly always more important than the final endpoint.
Odysseus’s journey in Homers The Oddysey shapes him as an individual and changes his worldview. After the Trojan War described in Homer’s The Illiad, Odysseus, the King of Ithaca, yearns to return home to wife Penelope and son Telemachus. On his way home, however, he foolishly smites Poseidon, the sea god, who now vows to never let him return home. As a result, his boat is shattered and for 11 days he floats in the water, eventually washing up on the island of Ogygia, where the sea nymph Calypso happily finds him. There he stays for 5 years, enjoying a luxurious life as Calypso’s lover. Eventually, however, he becomes ashamed for having betrayed Penelope, and Calypso gives him a new crew and a boat to help him home. On the voyage, he stops on an island run by Cyclopes, giants with one eye. There, he stops in a cave and he and his crew indulge in the cheese and wine they have found. The Cyclops who owns the cave, however, is not happy, and Odysseus loses 12 men before escaping the cave. Continuing his trip, Odysseus passes the island of the Sirens, beautiful nymphs who call him to the water. Though other seamen have committed suicide by plunging into the depths, Odysseus is clever and has his men tie him up to avoid that fate. By doing so, Odysseus hears the Sirens tell him about his own mind, wishes and feelings. After encountering countless more islands, monsters and demigods, Odysseus arrives home, where he finds hundreds of suitors living off his home and using up his wealth in attempts to marry Penelope. With the help of Athena, his patron goddess, and Telemachus, now a full-grown man, Odysseus kills the suitors and reunited with Penelope, his quest now complete. Though Odysseus was unfaithful to Penelope through the trip and nearly died several times, the overall journey has refined him, putting him in peak physical position and sharpening his mind. Although his reason for returning home is what drives him throughout his quest, he ultimately learns a lot and emerges a better husband, father and king. At the start of his quest, the Trojan War had made him barbaric and violent; his Odyssey home, however, has given him a new outlook on the ways of the Gods and of humans. Homer has shown in the epic The Odyssey that the knowledge gained throughout a journey trumps that gained from completing it.</p>

2

<p>Hard to read without paragraphs. It look likes 1 introduction and one huge body paragraph.</p>

3

<p>Yes it is.</p>

4

<p>Your essay was well written, but lacks the components to gain a high essay score. I recommend reading The SAT Essay Formula by Rodney Daut (purchases at [SAT</a> Essay | SAT Preparation | SAT Test](<a href=“http://www.sat-essay.net/sat-ebook.html]SAT”>SAT Essay | SAT Preparation | SAT Test) or Amazon). It costs ~$15 with a money back guarantee. My son improved his essay score from 3 to 12 after working through the exercises and practicing timed writes using prior SAT essay prompts. To achieve higher score, support your thesis with three shorter examples emphasizing your analysis. Examples can be taken from literature, history or personal experience. Avoid summarizing the story. Add in a concluding paragraph at end of essay. Good Luck!</p>

5

<p>I agree with Coll1TBD, but will go into a bit more detail.</p>

<p>In keeping with your theme, your analysis to the Odyssey should show how the events of the journey changed Odysseus. That would logically require a description of his character at the beginning to the journey, a description of the formative events and what specific changes resulted from each, and a description of his character at the end.</p>

<p>The quotes from your essay below isolate the comments you made that deal with these issues. The first come from your body and the final is your conclusion. The rest of the essay was plot summary.</p>

<p>Odysseus’s journey in Homers The Oddysey shapes him as an individual and changes his worldview. (Thesis statement from intro.)</p>

<p>On his way home, however, he foolishly smites Poseidon, the sea god, who now vows to never let him return home.</p>

<p>(This is actually plot summary, but if you had explored the reason WHY he did this and what specific lesson he learned as a result, your thesis would have gotten some specific supporting idea or ideas.)</p>

<p>Eventually, however, he becomes ashamed for having betrayed Penelope,</p>

<p>(This is actually a comment indicating character, but it supports an idea in your conclusion. It would have been better to point out the idea of his strengthened appreciation of fidelity here and then repeat the idea briefly in the conclusion. Did he learn anything else as a result of his stay with Calypso?)</p>

<p>By doing so, Odysseus hears the Sirens tell him about his own mind, wishes and feelings.</p>

<p>(Your comment is too general to convey much intellectual content. Tells him WHAT about his own mind, wishes and feelings? Be explicit.)</p>

<p>I will repeat the final paragraph with comments injected.</p>

<p>Though Odysseus was unfaithful to Penelope through the trip and nearly died several times, the overall journey has refined him, putting him in peak physical position (condition?) and sharpening his mind (in what ways?). Although his reason for returning home is what drives him throughout his quest (homesickness, love of wife and son), he ultimately learns a lot (such as?) and emerges a better husband, father and king. (You wrote that he loved his family and country before he left. What is different now?) At the start of his quest, the Trojan War had made him barbaric and violent;(A promising start to pointing out a change from before to after. also a comma splice) his Odyssey home, however, has given him a new outlook on the ways of the Gods and of humans. (What new outlook? He is no longer violent? What did he do to the suitors? He is more clever? The Trojan horse was his idea, a disguise to get past his enemies’ guard. He enters his home disguised as a beggar to get past his enemies’ guard. He loves his family? He loved them before he left. What did he learn about the ways of the gods? What did he learn about the ways of humans?)</p>

<p>This essay had plenty of potential to score well. It was well-written stylistically, and you took on a challenging example. Your general approach was fine and your topic sentence and theme were clear and significant. But you need to understand what examples are for and how to draw ideas from them in order to support your theme.</p>

<p>A single complex example like this one is really all you need to score 12, but you have to mine it for all the ideas it contains. Odysseus offends Poseidon out of hubris and learns the awesome power of the gods over weak and impudent men. Calypso teaches him the seductive power of sensual pleasure and the slow, painless decadence that saps strength and weakens purpose. These are some of the lessons that Odysseus learns about the ways of the gods and of humans. They should have been in your essay.</p>