Grade it?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I have never written a SAT type essay in 25 minutes. So writing under 25 minutes, can someone tell me how to improve? </p>

<p>Assignment: Is it always harmful for an individual to think and live as other people do? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Depending on the person a individual think and live by will depend if the situation is correct and beneficial. Usually, it is harmful when one lives his life with other people’s standards. Prohibiting his creativity can prohibit his lifestyle and self-being. Through the works of literature and real life situation can prove how it is usually harmful for an individual to think and live as other people do.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by George Orwell’s 1984, main character Winston Smith lives in a society where people are watched everywhere, everyday. No one can express their ideas or opinions or the Thought Police will capture him. Basically Oceania creates everyone to be exactly same: idle, lost, and ignorant. This not only is harmful to the citizens of the country, but also to the country itself. There is no advancement in technology or culture. Although Winston Smith is tortured and harmed by the end of the novel, the reader can realize how life can be if everyone was the same and no individuality was placed into anything.</p>

<p>Thoughout my high school years, I experienced so many examples of people changing who they are for someone they are not. For instance, my best friend changed dramatically when she became friends with the “popular” cliche. Before, she and I would always hang out and constantly talk about our problems. She usually understand each problem with the best of her ability and I probably wouldn’t be the way I was if she didn’t help me out. But when she met her new friends, she became rude, mean, and inconsiderate. Though this does not happen to every friend, I definitely regret her changing and tuning her characteristics into someone she is not.</p>

<p>A common cliche is everyone is unique. Clearly shown through the famous dystopian novel and in real life, individuality is very important. Indeed this does not happen to everyone and clearly not shown by every book, but with personal experiences, I can agree with Eleanor Roosevelt that “ influences are, however, more dangerous because they are hard to detect”. </p>

<p>thanks for reading ^_^</p>

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<p>bump</p>

<p>10char</p>

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<p>@Dorkyelmo
I think your essay has good ideas, but the essence of your essay is limited because of your grammatical errors. For example, your sentence “Depending on the person a individual think and live by will depend if the situation is correct and beneficial.” could be improved in several ways.

  1. Individual, is singular. Singular verb of “think” is “thinks”
  2. Comma between person and a, Depending on the person, an individual…etc
  3. “Depending on the person” is describing a factor that is unique for everyone. This could be restated in a different manner.
  4. Correct? Can a situation be correct?</p>

<p>I think the best way to improve would be to start reading model essays, not only for content and examples but also correct grammar and concise sentences. Practice writing yourself and you will improve!</p>

4

<p>Thank you!</p>

<p>And I know right, I was just trying to stuff down the content in less than 25 minutes and forgot to proofread! </p>

<p>Also, I would like to ask, is this length really good Because whenever I read model essays, they are SO long!</p>

5

<p>Depending on the person a individual think and live by will depend if the situation is correct and beneficial (you mention this, yet you never mention any “correct” or beneficial situation). Usually, it is harmful when one lives his life with other people’s standards (adheres to other people’s standards is what you are trying to say) . Prohibiting his creativity can prohibit his lifestyle and self-being (I don’t really see how anything is being prohibited. Alter is a better fit). Through the works of literature and real life situation can prove how it is usually harmful for an individual to think and live as other people do (decent thesis).</p>

<p>As demonstrated by George Orwell’s 1984, main character Winston Smith lives in a society where people are watched everywhere, everyday. No one can express their ideas or opinions or the Thought Police will capture him (why did you jump from their to him? Both should be singular, yet you put one singular and one plural?). Basically Oceania creates everyone to be exactly same: idle, lost, and ignorant (How so? Elaborate please). This not only is harmful to the citizens of the country, but also to the country itself (read silverturtle’s guide). There is no advancement in technology or culture. Although Winston Smith is tortured and harmed by the end of the novel (why did you put although? There is no contrast between the two clauses), the reader can realize how life can be if everyone was (were) the same and no individuality was (were) placed into anything.</p>

<p>Thoughout my high school years, I experienced so (omit so) many examples of people changing who they are for (It should be to. Changing for someone means changing for that person’s sake) someone they are not. For instance, my best friend changed dramatically when she became friends with the “popular” cliche. Before, she and I would always hang out and constantly(do you really need this?) talk about our problems. She usually understand each problem with the best of her ability and I probably wouldn’t be the way I was if she didn’t help me out (the two preceding sentences are long for nothing. You should have tried to truncate them). But when she met her new friends, she became rude, mean, and inconsiderate. Though this does not happen to every friend, I definitely regret her changing and tuning her characteristics into someone she is not (so her characteristics are turning into another person? Write this: Her characteristics transforming, she became a different person- this sentence isn’t very good, but at least it makes sense).</p>

<p>A common cliche is everyone is unique. Clearly shown through the famous dystopian novel and in real life, individuality is very important. Indeed this does not happen to everyone and clearly not shown by every book, but with (through) personal experiences, I can agree with Eleanor Roosevelt that “ influences are, however, more dangerous because they are hard to detect” (this feels out of place because you never talk about how influences are hard to detect; you just say they are inimical to our “lifestyles and self-beings”).</p>

<p>Your essay isn’t bad; I would give it either a 3 or 4. Your biggest problem is grammar- I suggest reading silverturtle’s guide. Your flow is decent, but it could be improved. The essay’s logic is messy. Finally, the essay is verbose. You need to practice, bro/sis.</p>

<p>I apologize for being harsh; I was trying to be honest. You should practice every day, and eventually, you’ll get the hang of this. If you want a 5 or 6, you’ll need to write a little more. Just write an essay every weekend and have CC grade it.</p>

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<p>By the way, when I said to exchange prohibiting with alter, I meant that prohibiting creativity alters one’s lifestyle.</p>

7

<p>So cardgames, I don’t mind at all! I need criticism because I’m not really good at writing, especially under stressful situation. If it’s possible, can I comment and grade my essays more often through PM (And because I don’t want to spam the forums with my essays :p)</p>

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<p>@Dorkyelmo
Writing 2 full pages in the SAT booklet (I’m not sure how many lines it exactly contains, but you have to write relatively quickly) is essential to getting a 10+. I know writing is often about content and not quality, but the SAT essay is simply graded differently. If you were a grader and only had two minutes to read each essay, your first impressions would likely be based on the beginning and end as well as the number of arguments a student has to offer.</p>

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<p>HOWWW??? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO COHERENTLY WRITE 2 PAGES OF SOMETHING IN 25 MINUTESS??? gosh… SAT!</p>

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<p>@Dorkyelmo
It’s not impossible…that’s my primary goal for every SAT essay. I’ve done enough practice that writing coherently isn’t my biggest worry. If I do have a few minutes to spare, I’ll change words to sound more complicated/advanced so the reader might have a better impression of my essay.</p>