Grade my BB test 1 Essay!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I only 4 days left to study, and my SAT essay writing needs alot of work!!!</p>

<p>I know I need better topic sentences to serve as theses for paragraphs, and relation to prompts, and of course grammar and syntax, but all in 25 minutes! Well those are the critiques I have of my essay, but I would appreciate what other harsh criticism you guys have so I can improve my SAT essay!</p>

<p>PROMPT: What motivates people to change? </p>

<p>People are motivated to change when they realize that the life they have been living does not fulfill their desires and purpose that they yearn to achieve. This is demonstrated in two women from literature. Celie, from The Color Purple, by Alice Walker, becomes aware of her position in life and breaks from the conventional role of a black housewife, and Janie, from Their Eyes were Watching God, changes her views and goals in life when she is not fulfilled in her lifestyle. People are motivated to change when life is not what they expected it to be.</p>

<p>Celie, in the Color Purple by Alice Walker, is married to Albert, who abuses and works her unfairly. Throughout their marriage, Celie takes this abuse submissively, until Shug Avery, Albert’s mistress, talks to her about standing up for herself and living life to its fullest. Celie becomes determined to be independent and loved, so she runs away with Shug, starts her own business, and finds love. Celie was motivated to change because she tired of living an unfulfilling life.</p>

<p>Similar to Celie, Janie, from Their Eyes Were Watching God, leaves a comfortable lifestyle for an unpredictable one for excitement and fulfillment. Janie’s temperamental and abusive husband having died, he bequeathed her with a store, house, and a city to run. Janie was highly respected and sought-after, in her town of Eatonville, but she decided the comforts and shallow character of the townspeople could not satisfy her desire for a “pear-blossom,” or idealized love she had always dreamed of. She runs off with Teacake to the Everglades to work in the swamps and live with the common folks. Her life becomes exciting and unpredictable and is now happy with what she has. What motivated her to change was the excitement of an unpredictable life.</p>

<p>The change that affected both of these literary characters show what motivates us as human beings to change. The search for love, fulfillment, and excitement are all universal longings that ignite the spark for change, for better or for worse. People are motivated to change from the same motivations that Janie and Celie were motivated to change from.</p>

2

<p>bump ten chars.</p>

3

<p>bump bump bump</p>

4

<p>10/12 (10 chacracter)</p>

5

<p>9/12. Honestly, I thought it was a little boring. Don’t be so repetitive in your arguments and vocabulary.</p>

<p>Pointers

  • Take 5 minutes to make an outline before you start writing. Include your 1) Main Reason, 2) Why you’re taking this point, and 3) 2 supporting details.
  • Also, make a list of synonyms for the main words you’re going to be using. In this case, “change,” “lifestyle,” “motivate.” It’s a lot easier to just refer back to the list as your writing as to not disturb your flow.
  • I’d come up with a more interesting beginning/attention getter.
  • Your last sentence made me go “huh?” and I had to go back to understand it. I’d use something tighter in its stead – something that says “I’ve proved my point.”</p>

<p>Edited because I re-thought it.</p>

6

<p>Hm, maybe a 10ish? Not bad. Try to punch up the vocabulary a bit.</p>

7

<p>everyone says make an outline, do you mean in your head? If you do not mean in your head, then where do you do the outline?</p>

8

<p>You can scribble it on the blank space on the page where the prompt is written… but I personally do a VERY cursory outline. Like it will be</p>

<ul>
<li>To Kill… Scout/mrs. dubose</li>
<li>Sam’s gard-- overcoming difficulties</li>
</ul>

<p>and then I get bored and just start writing.</p>

9

<p>On the prompt sheet (not the lined paper, the one you get the topic on) or in your head. It really depends on what kind of a person you are. I just think of the points and get the reasons straight, and do it, though a friend of mine likes to scribble things down first. Your pick, though she beat me with a 12 on the essay, when I got a 10. Different tests; her November, me October (but that might just be me reassuring myself =P).</p>

10

<p>When I outline, its just what I will use for examples, and maybe a thesis. I can’t think when I’m outlining, so I go straight to writing after I think of examples and main argument.</p>

<p>Thanks for the replies. I want to get a 10 at least on my essay on Dec test!</p>