Grade My Essay (Actual January 27th Essay)

<p>Here is my January 27th Essay. Please grade it and I will reveal my actual score before the March test. This is to help people taking the March test. </p>

<p>Assignment: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Many political thinkers deem that the goal of a republican state is to implement reforms bettering the lives of its people. But while institutions such as Congress are composed of only a small number of representatives, incapable of omniscience, it is the responsibility and duty of individuals to address the problems in their communities and bring those to the attention of the government for redress. Throughout American history, individual reformers have taken this responsibility and ultimately succeeded in their efforts. They serve as examples for the effect individuals can have on improving the community and nation.</p>

<p>Dorthea Dix was a Jacksonian-Age Reformers that brought prison reform for the mentally-ill to the forefront of American politics. Prior to, in the 19th century, the mentally-disabled were placed in the desolate and abhorrent facilities, reminiscent of the worst prisons. The government gave little attention to treating these patients, but instead wrongly treated them as felons, worthy of incarceration. Through her travels to the Carolinas and Southern United States, Dorthea Dix labored to redress this societal ill and ensure equality for all. The subsequent nation reforms made in the treatment of the mentally-ill embody the successes of Dix at redressing this problem.</p>

<p>At the turn of the century, in the early 20th century, another reformer, Upton Sinclair, took on the horrid conditions in the Chicago meat-packing industry. An aftershock of the industrialization in America, corporate America emphasized quantity over quality of production. In his book, The Jungle, Sinclair recounted the lack of care for the consumer in Chicago’s meat-plants, as no regulations were imposed on the quality of meat outputted. Sinclair’s book and its nauseating descriptions resonated throughout America, ultimately coercing Congress to pass the Food and Drug Act and other decrees enforcing quality and production regulations.</p>

<p>In the mid-1900s, American still lacked regulation of pollution outputted by industry, indifferent to the negative effects it had on the environment. Like Sinclair, Rachael Carson in her book Silent Spring initiated the movement toward cleaner industry and measures reducing pollution output. The Clean Air Act is a testament of Carson’s work.</p>

<p>History proves the effect the individual can have on the community and nation by providing epitomes of successes in reform. People have the responsibility of addressing the problems of society and bringing them to the attention of the government for redress.</p>

<p>I think u got a 10 or higher.</p>


<p>This was hard to grade because your actual writing (grammar, spelling, vocab) was perfectly fine, but you didn't completely answer the question.</p>

<p>The question is: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>The problems started with your thesis: Individual reformers serve as examples for the effect individuals can have on improving the community and nation.</p>

<p>This doesn't say whether or not people should take more responsibility, it just says that some people do take responsibility and succeed.</p>

<p>All you did was give examples of how people have helped society in the past, you didn't address whether other people should take more responsibility.</p>

<p>I think a more effective way of arguing this would have been to give examples of people who only took from society and showing how it affected their lives and the lives of those around them negatively. For example, you could use Pip in Great Expectations (from someone else's essay I just read on here) and say: "Pip accepted everything his patron gave him, but decided to squander it on materialistic endeavors, rather than giving back to the society that gave him so much. His lack of responsibility for others ended up making his life and the life of those around him truly terrrible. Had Pip given back to society, he would have found comfort, solace, and hope in his philanthropy." Or something like that--it's morning, lol.</p>

<p>You always need to make sure your thesis fully addresses the prompt. And when you are writing your examples, as paying3tuitions has said always ask yourself "does this PROVE my thesis?"</p>

<p>Sorry if I misquoted you, pariny3tuitions, lol.</p>

<p>Hope this helps, smder99.</p>

<p>i'd say 8 or 9.
Although your language is good, and the grammar slips up only very rarely, the answer to the question isn't readily found in your essay.</p>

<p>I agree with the others. If you can address the question a little better, your writing style will get you a 10+.</p>

<p>wow u guys are pretty bad scorers. this person actually got a 12</p>

<p>you got to take on a side. The question was asking whether people should solve problems of the community OR the nation.</p>

<p>this is a good threads since it verifies the credibility of the CCer's as Essay graders... </p>

<p>I have no idea what score your essay would have gotten :o - not taken the SAT yet</p>

<p>I don't think the above people (except for few) realize that the original poster has already taken the exam :confused:</p>

<p>I've always noticed that about CCers. It seems like the people on this forum are such excellent essay writers that they expect that others on this forum should be too. As a result they fail to realize the necessary quality of certain essays that would merit appropriate scores. The collegeboard uses a holistic method which means everthing as a whole. People on this forum choose one aspect of an essay and try to inflate its problems. This essay is nowhere near and 8 or even a 9. Try to lighten up guys.</p>

<p>Naidu90 and chinnu4 realize my true purpose for writing this thread.</p>

<p>Please continue to offer your suggestions on my essay!!!</p>

<p>I didn't think your purpose was hidden enough to point it out, lol.</p>

<p>I think that people just tend to forget that the graders of the essay only have a very short amount of time to read and, more importantly, analyze the essay. iin77's analysis was very good and had the readers been given more time, they might not have given smder99 a 12 (though i doubt it). but if i were reader given 1-2 minutes to read his/her essay, i would be very impressed and definitely give it a 6. the thesis is explicity stated at the end, if the closing line of the first paragraph was not clear enough. even if it were unclear, that would not be enough to warrant a 5, let alone a 4.</p>

<p>Interesting scientific experiment, but also wasting our time here a bit.
One reason people sincerely post essays here and honestly ask for grading feedback is to help them prepare and do their best for the actual SAT test. One is coming up on Saturday. So the other graders, if hovering in their minds between a higher or lower score, are probably right to grade low. If someone is motivated enough to post here, they want to improve and not be given false cheers.</p>

<p>I see your point paying3tuitions...however, I wanted to gauge the accuracy of CC posters. </p>

<p>Also, this DOES help March testtakers by giving a model of what they need to do for a 6. In reality, my essay is NOT very good. In fact I even think it is mediocre. If I was scoring it, I would probably give a score similar to the other scorers above. However, the SAT does not require perfection. The more important thing is to write what you know and to write it with confidence. Don't try hard to impress readers with huge and esoteric SAT words. Write in your normal diction! It will sound more genuine and sincere.</p>

<p>So did you get a 12? was chinnu... right?</p>

<p>smder99, as Saturday test date approaches, you are right to focus on what can and can't be fixed at this date.</p>

<p>I see 3 areas upon which to focus, just re: this ESSAY test on the WRITING section: </p>

<li>Real-time practice. At home, try a few timed tests, if you can dig up some old prompts (there are even some on other CC threads here). Come up with a thesis (position; pro or con; just stick with your side), 2 examples from lit, history, science or personal experience, jot-note a word or 2 about WHY each one proves your thesis, and write. Quickly conclude (1-3 sentences, no flowers) by restating your thesis IN NEW WORDS for a final paragraph. If you any time leftover, go back and reread to correct grammar and punctuation.
If you have no time leftover, don't worry about it. Even if your conclusion is only partlially written, they're used to that problem.</li>

<p>It's a skill to practice, BUT NOT OVERPRACTICE. I'd say 1-3 times, at most, this week, organizing it under timed pressure at home, since there are so many other areas you might want to also study before Saturday.</p>

<p>Put a watch down in front of you (on the actual exam desk, too) so you can glance over and be sure you're not running out of time.</p>

<li><p>Get set with some flexible examples that you can use for many kinds of prompts. Even when you're walking around this week, think about (if this was your example) how Huck Finn's character could be used to demonstrate all kinds of things: non-conformity, seeing through racism, running away, loyalty to a friend (Jim, Tom)...
so no matter what they ask, you just might be more ready to write about Huck as your example.
Don't try to read a new novel!! Instead, zoom in and think about some characters you already know from worthwhile novels you've already read in English class. Think about the many quirks of the character, just as you'd ponder your best friend's life if he or she were in trouble or facing a problem...</p></li>
<li><p>Realize with confidence that YOU CAN DO THIS, and you WILL be able to write on Saturday, if you use Smder's excellent suggestion, framing:</p></li>

<p>"However, the SAT does not require perfection. The more important thing is to write what you know and to write it with confidence. Don't try hard to impress readers with huge and esoteric SAT words. Write in your normal diction! It will sound more genuine and sincere."</p>

<p>FInally, plan to relax and get a good night's sleep on Friday night. No partying...</p>

<p>This is a great essay that is written in 25 minutes. Most CCers do not see this and grade the essay as a real essay, not a rushed, 25-minutes essay.</p>

<p>Even a rushed essay can answer the question. =-)</p>

<p>Yes, I did in fact get a 12 for this essay. So it proves that your essay does not need to be amazing to gain the top prize. Thanks to everyone that submitted their input! And congrats to everyone that just took the March Test and I hope you guys too can score well on the SAT!</p>