Grade my essay numero quatre et cinq?

<p>That’s French for four :slight_smile:
Topic: Do we need other people to understand ourselves (New BB numero 7)
Finding onself. It’s a quest that mankind has pursued since the beginning of history. Who are we, and where do we come from? Who put us here? Who created the world? Usually, we can discover ourselves on our own, but sometimes we need that added insight of another person. Thus, the other person’s perspective adds to our insight of ourself. This is shown through literature and history.
Sometimes, we meet people who completely change the way we see things. In John Folkner’s novel aptly titled “Find Me,” the main protagonist Jim has just graduated college. He has lived an extravagant lifestyle due to his opulent parents. Yet even with all the luxury and fame, Kim feels devoid inside. Suddenly, he meets his girlfriend’s grandfather, and through their multifarious conversations, he learns more about himself. For example, he realizes how irrelevant wealth is because materials only exists in this world; you cannot carry it on. Only through their insightful conversation was Jim able to discover himself, thus becoming independent of his parents.
Similarly, our lives purpose is sometimes changed as we meet different people. In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Hamlet is a convoluted brooding young man who feels despondent after his father’s death. After the watershed visit from his ghost father, Hamlet’s conversations make him realize that his uncle Claudius’ hands are covered in blood, literally. His new mission is to discover the man who killed his father (most likely Claudius) and vindicate his father’s death. Only after talking to his father about his death were the seeds of suspicion planted in Hamlet’s mind. With this, Hamlet is slowly persuaded to take a course of action that ultimately leads to his demise- track and take revenge on his father’s killer.
An exploration of another person’s work can also lead to a complete change for leaders (or future leaders) of a country. In China, Mao Zedong was a young boy who studied at the University of Beijing. Suddenly, his professor brought home the works of Karl Marx, and suddenly, Mao is engrossed. He righteously agrees with the manifesto that proclaims how mercilessly the bourgeoisie has taken control of the proletariat. He identifies China as the proletariat fighting the avaricious bourgeoisie- West. Mao’s new mission becomes clear: he has to free China of the pesky Japanese, get rid of the West, and turn China into a communist nation. Only through reading the manifesto is Mao able to change his paradigm on government and create the nation that today proclaims itself the People’s Republic of China.
We need the perspective of another in order to understand ourselves as it adds to our insight as shown through “Fine Me”, “Hamlet”, and Mao Zedong of China. As Anne Shepherd said, “Understand ourselves and understanding others are connected” because, in the end, we are all humans. </p>

<p>ESSAY CINQ (le francais pour five :slight_smile:
Topic: Is the world changing for the better?
Compared to the times of the ancient neanderthals, we have more technology than they could have ever imagined. Today, we can call a person in Antarctica in less than a minute. yet with every step towards enlightenment, we also retrogress towards the nefarious side of progress. Yet some people claim that the good outweighs the evil. However, the antithesis of that is true because of mankind’s penchant towards the evil side as shown through literature and history.
Mankind’s true destructive side becomes lucid as we enter war, regardless of it in either past or present. During WWII, millions of soldiers gave up their lives despite the recent advanced in technology. In fact, more soldiers were killed in it than any other war, despite antibiotics. In fact, it was hailed as a “total war” since it involved almost everyone in the community and consumed a vast amount of resources. Similarly, the US decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in order to stop the war. The after-effects of this heinous action are still felt today as millions of people die of cancer due to radiation poisoning. Even in the Iraq War of the 21st century, millions of people continue to die of bombs, showing the destructive side of war. Thus, mankind is now changing for the better as it continues to destroy and kill people for the their own selfish motives, which happened through WWI [COMMENTARY: LULZ, I totally screwed up my pronouns. Shift from it –> their. Classy.]
Humans have a dark “beast” side inside of them that will always take over their good side. In William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies,” a group of boys are stuck on an island are are scared of a mysterious beast, which is an allegory for their dark side. As they continue to live on the island, they progress from a democratic to a primitive society, idolizing animal worship, sacrifice, and murder. Golding’s allegory suggests not only that war brings out the worst of us, but also that we eventually progress to a dark society which is hidden underneath our “civilized” exterior. Mankind has a proclivity to descend down the mountain of destruction, and no progress will ever change that, thus showing how no matter how hard we try, the world is not changing for the better.
Negligence and hate continue to be strong forces motivating our actions, thus impeding any chances of bettering the world. In Khaled Hosseini’s “The Kite Runner,” two boys are best friends until the more affluent boy witnesses the rape of his best friend. He doesn’t speak up and they eventually part ways. After emigrating to America in the midst of the Taliban regime change, the more affluent boy realized he has to help his friend by taking care of his friend’s son. What follows next is a tumultuous journey throughout Afghanistan, where he witnesses children as sexual toys, corruption and power by those who have no respect for anyone. Thus, the world is not changing for the better because if it were, then all their horrible experiences that they had to go through wouldn’t happen; all of this resulted from negligence of the rapist and his hate of happiness.<br>
Thus, the world is not changing for the better because of mankind’s penchant of evil as shown through WWII, “Lord of the Flies”", and the “Kite Runner.” No matter what happens, for every one happy person, there will be two more melancholy ones.</p>

<p>I’d give the first one an 11 and the second a 12. All through your third paragraph on your first essay, you used the present tense when the past is appropriate. It was kind of annoying lol. But otherwise excellently written essays with diverse examples. Good luck on the SAT.</p>

<p>EDIT: I really liked the structure of the second essay by the way.</p>

<p>Oh 1253729, thanks for the helpful tips. Sorry for changing the tense; it seemed right in my head but obviously not on paper lulz.
Any other graders?</p>

<p>shameless hopeless tireless bump</p>

<p>i hate bumps
but i shall do it anyways</p>