Grade my essay...or else!

<p>Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>

<h2>DISCLAIMER: Most of this information is BS’d. I did not do that ****ty on APHG and knew most of the exam’s information.</h2>

<p>As a Chinese girl, I have been raised and taught by my parents to stick to the moral standard that is inherent to Chinese culture: respect and listen to your elders. I vowed to stick to this virtue for as long as I lived. However, after taking an AP class last year with a teacher who misguided the class and I on how to study and prepare for and what to expect from the exam content-wise and format-wise, I have learned that it is important to question the ideas and decisions that people of authority - even teachers - place upon me, regardless if they are older and supposedly “more experienced” and “wiser,” as my parents call it, than I am.</p>

<p>AP Human Geography was my very first AP class and exam that I had ever taken. My cousins before me had taken the class and been taught by the very same teacher, warning me before the school year had started to be wary of what he would tell us. I did not take their words to heart, though, for I had simply been rasied to not question those above me.</p>

<p>Throughout the duration of the AP Human Geography class, I credulously listened to what my teacher would lecture on about in class. He had informed the class that the exam would cover only a few select topics, of which he said he would graciously highlight out for us in brief, summarized lessons as he, additionally, claimed that topics did not go into detail for AP Human Geography. Moreover, he asserted that the essay portion was actually weighted 15% of the total score and that Collegeboard’s “claims” that it is 30% are false, reiterating over and over again how the essay portion would thus have no dire effect on us. To support this, he only had the class write essays four days before the exam, stressing that we would not need to practice them that much.</p>

<p>Needless to say i was blown away when the AP exam came. The questions on multiple-choice were, in fact, quite specific, and covered a wide array of topics, most of which my teacher did not cover because he had told us the exam would not test them. My heart broke into pieces when it came to the ssay portion; I found it difficult to write out essay answers that were organized and coherently developed. Furthermore, I had even ended up not labeling what numbers and parts each essay was in the blank boxes that were located on the upper right-hand corners of each essay page.</p>

<p>To this day I am confounded as to how I even procured a 4 out of 5 on the AP Human Geography exam. I had guess on more than half of the multipkle choice questions and even had failed to do something as simple as label my essyas, all of which I improvised and feigned knowledge in. Nonetheless, after this ordeal, I realize that it is not healthy to blindlessly follow others’ words, even those of authorities. It is vital that one should always remain vigilant and on their toes, analyzing any ideas and decisions that people, especially those of higher positions, impose, else he or she end up in an unsuccessful outcome, one that I luckily manage to averse from.</p>

<p>I’m no expert. But, i would say a 9 or a 10</p>

<p>Historical/literary/film examples > personal examples anyday.</p>

<p>I agree with ^^, because of ^.</p>

<p>Sounds sort of like you’re complaining and ranting. And then boasting some. It felt more like something I’d read in HSL than what I’d read in an SAT essay. A better way to approach this topic would have been to discuss historical examples of revolutions against authority and their resulting benefits. Food for thought.</p>

<p>Most of the essay readers are teachers, so you may come across as a complainer like PioneerJones said above, since you ultimately did very well on the test.</p>

<p>Your biggest mistake was saying “misguided the class and I” instead of misguided the class and ME. Be very careful about basic grammar mistakes, since most of the readers are Language Arts/English teachers. You are a good writer so it would be a shame to lose points for that.</p>

<p>Can someone just give me a number score?</p>

<p>The SAT scorers spend about a minute to read and score. Expect the worst.</p>

<p>I would say a 5 at worst and a 8 at best. </p>

<ul>
<li><p>only 1 example…and it is personal
try to get 2+ examples.
Pull some minority narration about struggling for rights in America for sympathy points, but don’t use common examples like MLK unless you have an extensive knowledge or at least more than enough to not make it sound general. Certain classic literature like “The Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye” are both good to refer. Current events are especially useful too. One personal example isn’t all that bad either but put it between the objective ones. </p></li>
<li><p>since it is digital, I will assume that one example will fill at most a page, so length is lacking. Fill everything, as long as those scorers see filled pages, it’s probably 8+. </p></li>
</ul>

<p>Thesis evaluation:

  • Really long subordinate clause - you want to make your thesis statement clear and readable. Usually, a subordinate clause that long will confuse any teacher trying to read the essay in 2 minutes.
  • lived; however, ~ use semicolon here.
  • “I have learned…” ~ for a these statement, this is a weak beginning. Anything starting with “I” is usually not recommended.
    Now, for your thesis, you basically just said: " It is important to do it no matter what."
    That does not really build on anything and is rather pedestrian.
    For a good essay, you have to declare WHY it is important.
    Is it because those in authority often make mistakes and overlook them?
    Is it because those in authority are blinded by power?
    Depending on your examples, you can provide any statement as long as you have a good example.
    My english teacher always said spend half the time on the thesis.
    For the SAT, use 5-8 minutes for the thesis and examples. then you have about 20 or so minutes left to finish it.</p>

<p>Conclusion:
So, you concluded with “It is important to question authority because it could be bad.”
As with before, summarizing the thesis is fine on the SAT, but always include reasons why. 1-2 sentences would suffice.</p>

<p>Really, the thesis, topic sentences, and some words in between is all the SAT scorers see especially the thesis.
With the thesis improved and at least 2-3 examples, you should be able to get the 2 pages filled and a score 10+. </p>

<p>Brainstorming and planning is perhaps the most challenging part. Just writing would not help much, I recommend just looking through all of the topics and spend 10-15 minutes planning for the first week and write down as many examples as you can. After a while, you should be able to limit the planning to 5 minutes and still have an outstanding thesis with 3 amazing examples. Good luck.</p>

<p>The highest this would probably receive is a 10. I believe it would most likely fall between an eight and four.</p>

<p>I personally did not like your essay as it utilized a very poor example. I did not understand the meaning of your example until the last paragraphs, and by then I was already confused. Also, second paragraph doesn’t serve a real purpose.</p>

<p>10/12</p>

<p>can you please score my essay?
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