Grade my essay please?

WishOnAirplanes · December 23, 2010, 6:49pm

Prompt:

Essay:

Through all of our lives, problems pop up every day, ranging from mere triflings to problems of greater magnitude. When a problem arises, it is in the best interest of both parties to achieve a compromise in order for the greater good of both. This notion is shown by David in John Connollys The Book of Lost Things as well as the tragedies of the French Revolution.
David Wittersby, protagonist of The Book of Lost Things, is a young boy who one day accidentally stumbles into a new world filled with evil creatures. In this land, he hears the voice of his dead mother, so he decides to try to look for her in order to bring her back to the real world. Along the way, he faces many perils that almost take his life. He finally encounters the Crooked Man, who is willing to exchange safe passage through the mystical world to Davids mother in exchange for the life of his sister. David initially refuses as he believes that he can overcome all odds to reach his mother. As he ventures on he realizes that the journey seems more impossible with ever footstep he takes. The Crooked Man shows up again and again offers him the safe trip to his mother but now he asks for the lives of his sister and his brother. Realizing that if he continues to trek his journey by himself, he would probably risk own life as well as more lives in the exchange for safe passage, David agrees to the deal. Davids situation shows that compromise was indeed the best option as it would enable him to save more lives.
Likewise, the French Revolution only happened because of the failure to reach an argument between the three Estates: the nobility, the clergy, and the Third Estate - everybody else. After Louis XVI called for the Three Estates to meat together in 1791, arguments soon entailed. The nobles and the clergies insisted that they vote by order, thus outnumbering the Third Estate two-to-one; the Third Estate wanted to vote by head, giving themselves the overwhelming majority seeing as how the majority of France at the time was part of the Third Estate. With a failure to reach a consensus on which voting system should occur, the Third Estate left the meeting and renamed themselves the National Assembly. Later, the nobility and clergy would close the doors on the National Assembly, causing them to move to a nearby tennis court to swear an oath that they would not stop rebelling until a new Constitution was drafted. Two months later, the peasants would storm the Bastille prison releasing prisoners as well as signalling the start of the French Revolution, which would see the death of over 500,000 men and women. If an agreement was reached at the original meeting of the Estates-General, the staggering number of French men who died for liberty would have been greatly reduced.
After looking at David Wittersbys tale and the French Revolution,it is clearly shown that compromise indeeds bring about a good resolution for all parties involved.

I don’t know if this matters, but my essay completely took up all the lines provided to me.

Thanks in advance!

WishOnAirplanes · December 23, 2010, 8:08pm

Bump.Set.Spike.

WishOnAirplanes · December 24, 2010, 1:02am

Bump.Set.Spike.

WishOnAirplanes · December 24, 2010, 6:48pm

Bump.Set.Spike.

WishOnAirplanes · December 25, 2010, 11:58am

Bump.Set.Spike.

dudeofswim · December 25, 2010, 1:57pm

4-5 Less plot summary more … essay flow.

WishOnAirplanes · December 25, 2010, 2:48pm

^

…?

Could you please elaborate how I could improve essay flow? Also, when you said 4-5, do you mean that as a 2 or 3 from each reader, or as a 4-5 from each reader?

WishOnAirplanes · December 26, 2010, 12:31pm

Bump.Set.Spike.