<p>Could someone comment on my essay below? What score would it get? How can I improve? Thanks in advance!</p>
<pre><code>External constraints, although possible sources of stress, are not always bad and in some cases, may even be necessary. As Jena Pincott wrote in Success: Advice for Achieving Your Goals from Remarkably Accomplished People, the pressure of deadlines, budgets, rules, and the demands imposed by others can push people to accomplish things that they would find impossible to accomplish with unlimited time, money, and absence of pressure. Indeed, external constraints can act as catalysts to stimulate progress.
After the mid-term elections during Barack Obamas presidency, the House of Representatives and the Senate became dominated by Republicans instead of Democrats as the American people grew frustrated the slow recovery rate of the American economy. This mean that the Democrats and Republicans would have to devise bipartisan bills if anything was to get accomplished in Washington. Earlier this year, Congressional renewal of the federal budget almost failed. If a solution could not be reached, including the salaries of many government officials. It would also have an adverse impact on Americas social programs. The strict deadline spurred the Democrats and Republicans each other halfway, and Obama urged both sides to compromise so that a plan could be approved. The crisis was narrowly averted as Congress voted on a revised budget minutes before the deadline.
Jon Krakauers novel Into Thin Air is his nonfiction account of summiting Mount Everest. A perilous expedition, summiting the highest peak in the world requires skilled, experience climbers as well as many resources such as mountaineering gear, food, and oxygen tanks. Since the weather near the summit of Mount Everest is quite mercurial, many expedition leaders would love to wait for auspicious weather patterns before making the final ascent to the top. However, if there were no constraints in resources such as food and oxygen, this waiting could very well happen, prolonging the time that people would have to spend on the mountain and causing traffic and congestion on the summit routes, which could lead to conflict between different summit teams.
It is clear that external demands tend to make people more productive than they would be without pressure. The federal budget crisis and summiting Mount Everest prove this by emphasizing the vital roles of constraints in pushing plans forward, causing people to make progress.
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