Grade My Essay, Please?

<p>Hi! I was wondering if someone can score my SAT essay and possibly give me some tips on where I can improve? Thank you!</p>

<p>**POMPT<a href="from%20Blue%20Book">/b</a>:</p>

<p> Is deception ever justified? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experieces, or observations.</p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<p>Growing up, kids have always been taught that, "lying is bad." Even important figures in history, such as Abraham Lincoln, have been glorified for their honesty, but is deception really so taboo? It is not. Sometimes, deception is justifiable. From the intricate espionage system used during the American Revolution, to the safe emergency landing made by Captain Sullenberger into the Hudson River, the necessity of deception is incontrovertible. </p>

<p>An example of how deception can be justified is demonstrated in the American Revolution. During the revolution, the espionage system was crucial to the colonist's success. By deceiving British soldiers, colonists were able to mobilize troops across the East coast and warn allies of impending attacks. One of the most famous accounts was Paul Revere's ride through the night warning that the British were coming. As a result of these deceptions, colonists were able to fend off the British, free themselves from oppression, and gain independence as the United States of America.</p>

<p>Another example of deception can be justified is Captain Sullenberger's emergency landing in the Hudson River. In order to preserve calmness in the plane, Captain Sullenberger did not tell passengers about the engine failure until he was sure that he could land the plane safely. By not telling the passengers about the dire situation, Captain Sullenberger was deceiving them. Still, it was the best course of action because not only did it keep the passengers from erupting into chaos and possibly compromising the landing, but it also allowed Captain Sullenberger to focus soley on landing the ship and the saving the lives of his passengers. It was because of his deception that Captain Sullenberger successfully saved everyone aboard the plane. Captain Sullenberger's lie not only saved the passengers' lives; it demonstrated how deception can be justified.</p>

<p>Deception has always been considered uncouth and improper in our society. Cautionary tales, such as Pinnochio and the Boy who Cried Wolf, have been written to deterr children from telling lies. Yet, lies are not always bad. Under certain circumstances lies are justifiable, if not necessary. Deceptions such as espionage during the American Revolution and Captain Sullenberger's withholding of the truth are all examples that deception is sometimes the best course of action.</p>

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<p>I know that there are some little mistakes in there, but I don't think the essay readers will take off unless it affects the understanding of the essay. Thank you for taking the time to read my essay and giving feedback!!</p>

<p>Fang95,</p>

<ol>
<li>This essay is great - you clearly demonstrate control over language. Your examples are great. The essay itself flows very well because you coherently state your thoughts and ideas. You picked a side and argued it well. Your vocab is very good which is something a lot of writers miss. You didn't get the 12 because your body paragraphs are only 95% developed. They're really good but you just need to link and connect back to your thesis a little more. If you incorporate this strategy into your writing you'll get the 12. Hope I helped, good luck :)!</li>
</ol>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Thank you! I'll make sure that I try to connect it to the thesis more. Your advice is great! Have you taken the SATs yet?</p>

<p>Fang95,</p>

<p>I took the SAT ages ago.</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Oh, haha. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't someone inexperienced giving me a score! Thank you!</p>

<p>Fang95,</p>

<p>Lol, I'm not professional. However, in my spare time I do SAT tutoring, so I'm very familiar with the SAT test. Morever, I did take it with this new format (essay + writing), so I know what its like. </p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>easy to read
coherent
great vocab
great sentence structures
12</p>