Grade my essay please?

<p>Are people too willing to agree with those in charge?</p>

<pre><code>People are willing to disagree with people in positions of authority when they strongly believe that the government is not serving their best purpose. Take for example, Rosa Parks, who disagreed with a bus driver during the segregation of Africans in America, or Gandhi, who, through civil disobedience, showed his disagreement to the English or Galileo who disagreed with the church about what was a the center of our solar system.
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<p>As shown by Rosa Parks, people are willing to disagree with people in positions of authority. In December of 1955, Rosa Parks, like every other day, was coming back from work with the bus. At the time, the buses, were separated in different sections; one for African americans and the other one for whites. On that day, the bus was almost full so the bus driver asked the bus driver asked the black people of the bus to give up their seats so that more white peopsle could sit down. However, Rosa Parks, who felt like the authority was not being fair, refused to stand up despite several warnings from the bus driver that she would go to prison if she did not abide by the rules. Ms Parks did go to jail and she ever lost her job but her sacrifice inspired many African Americans who were tired of racial discrimination. 3 days later, a boycott was organized by the black people of Montgomery and the authorities were forced to modify their regulations. Therefore, this example shows that yes in fact people are willing to disagree with the people in positions of leaderships.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by Gandhi, a government will eventually be forced to modify its policies to better suit the populations. Gandhi believed in civil disobedience, or the refusal to obey to unjust laws. When India was the Raj, the English controlled many of its resources, in particular salt. Indians were not allowed to sell salt, but Gandhi deemed this law unfair so he marched to the sea. Along the road, thousands of Indians joined him in his march. When he finally arrived to the sea, he took some salt and went back to the nearest market to sell it. Of course, he was arrested for defying the authorities but his actions inspired many other Indians to do the same. Thus, after taking a look at this example, we can see that unjust laws can cause people to disagree with unjust laws.</p>

<p>In the 16th century, the church controlled a big aspects of the population’s lives. For instance, they forced people to believe that the earth was at the center of the solar system and that everything else revolved around it. But one man disagreed. That man, Galileo, had observed the sky and found out that the sun was in fact at the center of the solar system. Of course, the church disliked this idea but Galileo remained adamant to his beliefs. The church tortured him, saying he was a heretic but Galileo didn’t budge. Hence, through Galileo’s life, we can see that with adequate reasons, one might disagree with a person in authority over a widely held view.</p>

<p>To conclude, after a careful analysis of the lifes of Rosa Park, Gandhi and Galileo, we can clearly see that people will not be stopped by people in positions of leadership. These people made huge sacrifices to stand up for what they believed and they were definitely not scared of the authority’s opinion.</p>

<p>It can’t be objectively graded because there is no way that you wrote 600 words in 25 minutes, or that 600 words could fit in the answer space provided on the SAT. </p>

<p>I will leave some comments though:
Rosa Park’s paragraph: all this is is re-telling. You have made no argument, and just re-stated the thesis in the last sentence. This is 4/6 quality IMO.</p>

<p>Gandhi paragraph: “As demonstrated by Gandhi, a government will eventually be forced to modify its policies to better suit the populations.” Careful. Your topic sentence has nothing to do with the thesis and what you wrote about in your paragraph. </p>

<p>Galileo paragraph: It seems as though you have shifted your argument from the government to the church. You need to be careful, because now you have drifted from your thesis. One could make the argument that the Church was essentially government at that time, though.</p>

<p>Conclusion: “we can clearly see that people will not be stopped by people in positions of leadership.” This is wrong; it’s a bad way to go out. Your argument wasn’t that people will not be stopped by authorities, it was that people disagree with authorities when they are not serving the people’s best interests.</p>

<p>Maybe if one of the body paragraphs were removed, say the Galileo one, which is what I think you would reasonably write in 25 minutes, I think that you would get a 4/6 since there is no insight in your essay.</p>

<p>Thanks for your comments,
Yeah, this is the last time i’m practicing an essay on non sat paper haha.
As for your comments, you reccomend that I stay as close as possible to my thesis?</p>

<p>Of course! That is what you are supposed to do in an essay.</p>

<p>It would be nice if you made some connections in your body paragraphs as well. As it stands, they are three independent chunks that I could rearrange without your noticing. That is never a good sign.</p>

<p>By connecting body paragraphs do you mean adding something like “similarly to Rosa Parks, Gandhi also disagreed with the authorities present”?</p>

<p>Oh and what exactly do you mean by the essay lacks insight, what can I do to improve that?
Thanks again for your comments!</p>

<p>Yes, you want to make some insightful connections and mention parallels, and the ways in which their situations differ.</p>

<p>Look, we both know that if you handed that in as an English paper in school, you would get like a C. Essays need to be insightful. You are also doing too much “retelling.” What I see is a paragraph of retelling a story, and one sentence of analysis for conclusion just saying “this shows the thesis.” That’s not good.</p>