Grade my essay please

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1

<p>Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit? </p>

<p>The notion that knowledge more of a benefit than a burden is completely categorical. Wile some presume that it will lead society to its demise, other predict that it will be a boon. With knowledge humanity has been able to extricate a surfeit or adversities. The paradigms of genetic engineering, Ben Carson’s obstacles in “Gift Hands”, and my research project all illustrate that knowledge is a benefit rather than a burden.</p>

<p>Ben Carson’s “Gifted Hands” expresses the boons of knowledge. Growing up Carson faced struggles such as his mother’s elementary education and failing school. As Carson started reading and writing more though, he became cerebral and watched a spate of his turmoils disappear. This knowledge helped Ben Carson graduate from Yale and become the youngest chief executive at Johns Hopkins Hospital. Knowledge allowed Carson to flourish in life and escape his troubles. Genetic engineering also exhibits the benefits of knowledge.</p>

<p>Genetic engineering is a process that allows scientists to grow organs from a minuscule sample of cells. With this vital organs are available to millions of patients on waiting list. Through the knowledge obtained by scientists, families are able to prolong their love ones lives and negotiate their paths in life. Knowledge became the key to unlocking the door for more organs. Without knowledge millions would perish from curable diseases. My research project also solidifies that benefits outweigh the burdens of knowledge. </p>

<p>During my past summer, was allowed to do summer research in a lab; through my knowledge gained, I was able to become an intellectual thinker. After my research, I was ebullient to go down a path of science. Now I aspire to some day to go back and help hospitals here in America. It was through my knowledge gained from research that I knew I wanted to help other sick individuals.</p>

<p>Ben Carson’s “Gifted Hands”, genetic engineering, and my research project all support the theory that knowledge is a more of a benefit than a burden. As mankind becomes more enhanced, it will reach innovative zeniths to aid its people.</p>

<p>Please give a score out of 12 and help on how to improve</p>

2

<p>34 hits and no reply. Gosh I suck</p>

3

<p>Sorry I couldn’t get to this sooner…</p>

<p>You don’t “suck” but this essay does need work.</p>

<p>Here are the main issues I see:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Your thesis is too obvious. (Everyone knows that knowledge is good.) This is the kind of question to which the answer should be YES.</p></li>
<li><p>Like lots of these, your essay lacks focus. It jumps from a brief biography of a doctor to the discussion of a very general topic to a personal anecdote. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>The answer you give appears to be, NO, knowledge cannot be a burden. (Reread the essay question and you’ll see what I mean.) I’d rather have read about some of the burdens that come with (or lead to) knowledge. You start to do this in the Carson paragraph. However, I’d like to have read something about the ethical burdens inherent in genetic engineering. I’d like to have read something about some of the challenges you faced in the lab.</p>

<p>In some places you’ve used words either incorrectly or clumsily:</p>

<p>categorical
boon
extricate a surfeit
paradigms
solidifies
ebullient
enhanced
zeniths</p>

<p>I might have missed a couple, but hopefully you get the idea. Use real-world words.</p>

<p>For all the reasons above (among others), this paper is a three.</p>