Grade my essay please!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

Frankly, I’m quite terrible with my SAT essays and I usually just wing it during the real tests. Please give me honest feedback on how I can improve. I usually find myself thinking too hard on what to write for the intro and examples. Sadly I’ve never EVER finished either of my two essays on the previous real tests (one time I got cut off on the first sentence of the conclusion and got a 8. Here is the basic outline of my essay:
Intro: Rephrase prompt somehow. Choose a side, Last sentence introduces examples.
BP1: Example 1, explanation of it, how it answers the question
BP2: Example 2, explanation of it, how it answers the question
Conclusion: Complete bs, rephrase my PoV? Broaden the idea?
Here is the prompt:

"The liberally educated person is one who is able to resist the easy and preferred answers, not because he is obstinate but because he knows others worthy of consideration. -Allan Bloom

What is one important “easy and preferred answer” that we should resist? That is, what dangerous misconception do people commonly hold?

Here’s my amateur essay:

Often times, the general population wants to do less to achieve the same results. Society has clung on to the idea that faster is better, which is why most of our inventions can do things much more quickly and efficiently. Although shortcuts are favorable, it limits our experiences and causes us to be complacent. People will not think for themselves, but just agree with what is considered “acceptable in society”. Two such circumstances that are deemed as the easy way out is Math in high school and malnutrition in order to lose weight.

Unlike math classes in elementary school, math in high school is done blindly. Teachers are instructed to teach solely based on a curriculum that focuses on an end-of-the-year test. Seldom do teachers in Pre-Calculus explain why topics like log are useful in the real world. Instead of understanding how to solve a complicated problem step-by-step, we are taught to use certain formulae that we don’t even understand how they came about. Students are taught the “easy way” to solve math problems, and that prevents them from truly learning its significance.

School isn’t the only place that follows the “easy and preferred answer”. Many people seeking to lose weight often deprive themselves from eating in an attempt to hasten the process. Others even go as far as to take drugs with the side effect that is a loss of appetite. This causes their bodies to miss out on important nutrients and thus, they’ll feel feeble and worse. Malnutrition is an easy answer, but should be resisted due to its potential dangers.

Taking the easy and preferred answers is not in the best interests for everyone. It causes individuals to be the common Joe, looking to others for the answer rather than thinking of their unique one. It restricts creativity and often makes people feel that they don’t need to think outside the box.

P.S. is it better to write five paragraphs or is four okay?

2

Here are my thoughts while I was reading your essay (they are chronological):

  • Watch your grammar (example: “Although shortcuts are favorable, it limits and causes…” should be “Although shortcuts are favorable, they limit and cause…”); you also introduce the pronoun “we” in your second paragraph, which ruins your grammatical consistency.
  • “Math in high school” seems like a very vague example after only reading your thesis, but your second example seems great!
  • Simply writing “log” shows that YOU are taking the easy way out, which contradicts your stance in your thesis! Fully write out logarithm(s), and as a note for the future, practice/make sure that your writing style does not contradict the content of your essay.
  • You have a great transition to your second example, but within your third paragraph, you seem to be rushing. Also, malnutrition being an “easy way out” seems subjective.
  • Great conclusion!

So, your strength seems to be in your introduction/conclusion, which is good because for most people, this is the most difficult part of the SAT essay. For your body paragraphs, try coming up with a list of universal examples that can be used for any prompt beforehand. Having a general list of specific examples beforehand is how I think you can improve the quality of your examples the most. Also, check out these resources:

http://blog.prepscholar.com/how-to-get-a-12-on-the-sat-essay

http://blog.prepscholar.com/6-sat-essay-examples-to-answer-every-prompt

I would give this essay a 9/12.

You should pay more attention to grammar than in trying to come up with a third example; good writing follows the maxim, “quality over quantity.” So, to answer your final question, you should strive for at least two, well-developed and clear examples. I have seen a few essays with 2 examples that have scored a 12/12. However, I sometimes find that it helps to push my brain to think of three examples at the beginning to really come up with two great examples. If you can do three examples, definitely do three, but often times to think og three amazing examples, a lot of practice (perhaps starting with 2 examples) is necessary.