Grade my essay... please?!

<p>Any feedback is appreciated!</p>

<p>Prompt: Does fear control people?</p>

<pre><code>Fear, though a powerful emotion, can be controlled if one deals with it and tries to overcome it. This has been demonstrated throughout Literature. One example of this is the character Atticus from “To Kill A Mockingbird.” Another example is the main character from Anthem by Ayn Rand. These characters were both in difficult situations where they faced the fear of judgment by others, but did not let it control them.

In “To Kill A Mockingbird,” Atticus defended a black man named Tom Robinson, which caused people to judge him harshly. During the time period in which the book took place, racism was still a popular belief held by many people. Atticus had to undergo being ridiculed by the racist town of Maycomb, Alabama in which he lived. However, he stuck to his belief that Tom was innocent and deserved to be defended. Though he faced fear of what the town would do to him- such as riot, attack, or ostracize him- he overcame that and defended Tom. Because he did not let fear control him, he was able to give Tom a fair trial.

Another instance in which a character did not let fear be controlling was the main character from “Anthem” by Ayn Rand. The society in “Anthem” was rather controlling, and they tried to take away people’s individuality. They did this by randomly assigning them to jobs, and keeping a strict schedule of the day. The main character faced punishment for daring to think for himself, and by questioning the unfair rules. However, he did not let this stop him. He was afraid of being punished, but overcame that. As a result, he was able to learn on his own, and invent something, without the rulers knowing about it- strictly prohibited things. Because he did not let fear control him, he eventually able to live a happier life by running away from the town after he faced the repercussions of his actions.

Fear can be controlled if a conscious decision is made to try, as shown by these two characters. Despite facing fear of punishment and judgment by those around them, they decided to not let it control them. As a result of overcoming their fears, Atticus was able to stick to his beliefs, and the main character in “Anthem” was able to think for himself and live a happier life. Though it is indeed powerful, fear can be overcome.
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<p>It seems like the “standard” essay
I would give it an 8/9 because this is kind of what readers look for…
also you didn’t use a high vocab.
Give it better vocab and maybe other minute things and you got a 10.
remember : CC graders are hard. CB graders are not. (Read one of my topics if you don’t believe me)</p>

<p>Thanks for the honest response! I see what you mean about the vocabulary I used. Perhaps before taking the SAT I will memorize a few difficult vocabulary words, and then incorporate at least one if them into my essay. Anyways, thank you for your advice.</p>